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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Am I unlovable?
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rolling around in a pond of pity..But really? This is not about physical appearance. Just cannot understand why someone that I trusted with my heart could have stabbed it that many times. If he loved me he should have left. 10 years of lies then R... still lying! I am really in the trenches tonight.

I have made so much progress.

If this should be posted in a different Topic please transfer me there!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1582 | Registered: Mar 2004
Survivor3512
♀ Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Risingfromashes))) I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. You didn't deserve this. There is nothing wrong with you. His cheating is about him. Believe that. You deserve better.


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They don't cheat because there is something wrong with or lacking in us, they cheat because there is something wrong with or lacking in them.

On DD I begged for the truth for an hour. I repeated "If you ever had any love for me, please set me free. Please, I beg you, just set me free" over and over. I was sobbing, I was bent over, I think I was even on my knees. I was keening. Set me free.

II did not yet have the strength to set myself free. I was where you are now from DD all the way through False R and even beyond.

How could he do this??? To me??? To my children???

I specifically begged him to not betray me. Prior to children I begged him to not make me a single mum.

He did it simply because he could. He continued to do it because I allowed it. Truth is it had nothing to do with me, nothing to do with our M - me and my children are just the collateral damage of his brokenness.

It stopped when I said stop. When I had had enough. Both the betrayals and the same emotions you are going through right now.

Be gentle with yourself right now. You do have to wade through this muck - it is not pity, it is shock, confusion. What they have done is nonsensical - it will never make sense. You will drive yourself nuts trying to make sense of it.

I have been able to get to acceptance by reminding myself that he did it simply because he could. Full stop.

((risingfromashes)) Please know you're not alone. We have all been through this part of the grieving process.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5392 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

rising, I spent my entire marriage thinking there was something wrong with me, and that I was lucky to have her. It was when I found out about the infidelity that I realized she was the lucky one.

Her problem was that she didn't know it. All cheaters have this strong "arsehole gene" (pretty sure I read about it in a science mag) that makes them think they have the right to do whatever the hell they want.

They don't.

And it isn't our fault.

Some day we will all find the love we deserve. Good luck to you!

[This message edited by pass at 5:38 PM, May 12th (Sunday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1665 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, honey. (((((rising)))))

I hope you are on an upswing today. Because I know you know better than this. You are lovable. You are fierce and strong. You are incredibly intelligent. You are an amazing mom, woman, and friend.

You are worthy of REAL love, not the damaged selfish crapfest your X passed off as love.

Believe it.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24372 | Registered: Aug 2011
macakipa
♀ Member
Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop that stinkin' thinkin'!

Seriously thought, I get it risingfromashes, I truly do. I said the same thing many times "If he loved me he should have left. 12 years (maybe more) of lies.).

It is okay to question your lovability now and again, but don't dwell...what he did does NOT define you!


M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH told me that I am impossible to love. There are still times when I wonder if maybe he was right.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49444 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't understand it because it makes no sense to us rational people for whom cheating isn't even on our radar.
((hugs))

You are right, you have made a TON of progress. Sometimes we forget how far we've come because we are right in the thick of it.

I hope today is better.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2564 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
ManBearDivorce
♂ Member
Member # 36258
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know the day that she wanted a D out of nowhere, I cried my ass off because I didn't understand that working hard and doing everything I could for the family at the expense of me didn't mean I loved her. She blamed me for not loving her enough and not giving her love was why she wanted D. I found out really why she wanted to D so badly. I wish her good well. LOL

Posts: 339 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: St.Paul Minnesota
Topic Posts: 9

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