You cannot R if he is still being secretive.
Personally, I'd confront him right in front of the computer and insist that he open up those accounts right there and then. If he is truly remorseful, his actions will speak volumes.
The fact that your WH has changed the passwords tells me that there has been a big resurgence of contact between your WH & OW.
Those with nothing to hide etc. though there may be some areas where a certain amount of autonomy should exist so as not to create a smothering situation, for a WS that need for autonomy does not include communications with those outside the M.
He said he changed passwords on everything because he didn't want this happening again.
He didn't want WHAT
happening again? That you would find out that he's still cheating? Because that's what he's hiding.
He's gaslighting you.
Anything other than you having full access to all passwords & accts now is not acceptable.
If your WH is truly in R, he should WELCOME
this chance to prove to you that he is now trustworthy.
he didn't want this happening again
Soooo, I take that to mean that in his mind, the problem is you finding out stuff, not him DOING stuff? Well, at least you know where he stands. What a douche!
Soooo, I take that to mean that in his mind, the problem is you finding out stuff, not him DOING stuff? Well, at least you know where he stands.
Boy, have I been thru this.
This deception & lack of respect for you is just as destructive as the original cheating is
[This message edited by mchercheur at 12:13 PM, May 11th (Saturday)]
WH states that all of those texts were NOT sexual/romantic in nature (just work related or logistics), but he did not do himself any favors, because I still don't believe him, & what I am imagining they said may be worse than what actually was said.
Our R would have gone much better/quicker if I could really know all the facts.
I think that this is what many WSs do not understand---if they truly want to R, everything has to be out in the open. It will be difficult enough for us to ever trust them again,so why is he deleting anything?
[This message edited by mchercheur at 7:27 AM, May 12th (Sunday)]
So, IME, lack of transparency is a very bad sign.