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Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Another banana down
NoraLee
♀ Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So much for unconditional love. He doesnt have to like or agree with her choices - but to ban her from his house? He will regret this one day...


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an utter asshole of a father!

I don't even have words for what I really think.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ironic what behaviour the whoreman and his whorewoman call out as whore behaviour.

This is all about control, not appropriateness.

((WB and bananas))


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4563 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, he is Mr. Control. Not long after we married, he told me it was his way or the highway... several times. But he didn't like it when I finally took the highway because it wasn't what HE wanted.

BG is settled back home and feeling a bit better. She was deeply hurt by this, though. She's going to carry it for a long time, I'm afraid.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15280 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Just a Cali girl
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how ironic that the man who whored around is now calling his teenager a whore? Seriously!

Alienates them to the point of not wanting anything to do with him? And lets them go?

Yup, they do. I don't get it - and honestly I don't think I even WANT to get it. The Dooosh has done this to both of our girls now, and it's all his doing. He is, of course, trying to turn this into my fault somehow. He's claiming parental alienation. Big words for such a small man!

It won't work, though, because I have encouraged my girls to speak to him, see him, spend time with him. HE is the one who has chosen not to see them, and they both know it. His loss, and someday when they both hate him even more than they do now, when things are sad for him because he is all alone in life, he will regret his actions. Maybe.

I am glad your banana has a sense of humor and can see through is douchebaggery!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3240 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: ATX
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((WB and girls)))))


Me: 41
Two boys: 16 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25502 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wildbananas, were we married to the same guy? xWH also told my IrishLass2 that she looked and dressed like a whore (while he had started living with one) and he told us all the time that it was his way or the highway. We all finally chose the highway. Kinda enjoying this drive


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 11
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1481 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

aw sweetie, I'm with wb2, I don't have words for what I really think. I do, however, have a really nice baseball bat...

you and the bananas rock, you know. I'm so sorry teenbanana was hurt by her dad this way.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 11989 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Poor kid, she kept asking me tonight what she did wrong, what she did to deserve her father and his wife to treat her like that. All I could tell her it wasn't her, it was them. Hard to make a kid understand that, though.

Thanks inconnu... and thanks everyone.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15280 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Just a Cali girl
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, what a complete asshole.

Lots of hugs to you and your sweet little bananas. I'm learning I can't protect my kids from all the rotten things people will throw at them, but I can give them the tools to deal with it. I would just keep letting her know how awesome she is and maybe talk to her about the fact that how she looks is how a lot of people will perceive her (my "big pants" and wallet chains as a teenager didn't help me with my teachers, even though I was a straight A student ).

Dd and I have started watching "My So Called Life" together. It's awesome. She gets to laugh at what we wore back then and she gets to see I was a teen too.. and I get it. I really do. It sounds silly but we're loving it.

My absolute favorite show when I was in high school! Claire Danes and I were born only weeks apart, so it's like I was living through her when that show was on. Boy do I wish I had daughters. I just don't think it will be the same watching it with my sons


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1374 | Registered: Feb 2013
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He will regret it wildbananas...trust me! One day...down the road....a month or a year from now without seeing his girls...and he is going to MISS THEM....and suddenly his petty cares about makeup are going to seem pretty stupid.....but it will be too late because his girls will want nothing to do with him.

So sad... (((BIGHUGZ2MYFAVBANANA)))


"Life's curve balls come out of nowhere.... just remember to duck and weave!"

ME - BW - 34
HIM - XWH - 38
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2442 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just when I think he can't be a bigger ass, he surprises me.

Thank God she has you as her mother.

(((nanners & lil' nanner)))

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21011 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you and BBG (beautiful banana girl). This would have happened in our family too, had we D or S when mine were teens. Xpos is very controlling also. As it is, we had a similar incident after they were M! I can now see it for what it was. He was still being controlling after they left the house and were M!

The sad thing about what he did to BBG is that he will someday take credit for his actions being the exact right thing to do. (As someone said, it's being a teenager and challenging him, which he failed miserably). He will see what a beautiful, perfectly dressed and made up young woman she becomes and tell himself that it's because he set her straight that day. I've actually seen this with xpos and know the truth of it, sadly.

My child who went through this also has a wonderful sense of humor, but was too devastated by xpos' actions to overcome it that way. I'm glad BBG can use that release and has you there for her. I couldn't be there for mine at that time and so regret that now. Sorry to t/j, but just adding it as confirmation of how well you and BBG are handling this because I've been a part of the disfunction of not doing the right thing in this situation. But at that time I was in my own kind of fog.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 1969 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, ajsmom and thebighurt.

And get this... baby banana told me his wife (not OW) told him he did the right thing, that he "spoke from his heart."

Must be pretty dark and dingy in there, yeah? Geesh.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15280 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Just a Cali girl
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Must be pretty dark and dingy in there, yeah?

Yeah, for sure, sadly. Lots if spiders, snakes and slimy lizards, too. But, maybe that's not being fair to those poor creatures!

You're welcome WB. I'm a bit envious that you have this now. Though my kids say they had a great life growing up, I know there were lots of things I didn't handle well because I was too busy keeping the peace with xpos. He would get angry with me for expressing any kind of differing view. Tell me that I always wanted to point out those things to him. I was one of Pavlov's dog. I got punished so many times, I learned to just let things go; and that was tacit agreement, although it made me feel awful about me. Still does.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 1969 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
AppleBlossom
♀ Member
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The irony is that your beautiful daughter was probably pushing boundaries and seeking some kind of response from him because of his choices and his actions. The grown up thing to do would have been to recognise that for what it was and use it as an opportunity for some great discussions.

I am so sorry for your banana. I am also very, very glad that she has you.


Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadly, the only thing you can do is damage control. Your DD will learn that her example of unconditional love is you. That your emotional support and love are exactly the nurturing she needs to grow to be the woman she wants to be. She will learn that when she is not being subjected to being a prop for his life.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4031 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 37
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