hi. my partner was cheating on me. i knew 9 days agao but he admitted it, at last, 5 days ago.
im trying to make things work as on day 3 i accepted that i love him, yes he has hurt me, yes hes betrayed me, but i want to believe our love would take more then this to break.
So, Thursday night he gos out. we dont live together but generally stay with each other. when we dont, i go there first thing, let myself in and make a cup of tea.
anyway friday morning comes, i turn up, put my key in the door and hes at the other side holding it shut saying you cant come in jim ( a really good friend of his) is here. i knew it was crap but i swallowed it and left, not knowing what else to do
he called an hour or so later is said jims gone, come round, so i go and theres blonde hair on the living room floor, jim has black hair. theres a bottle of ice tea and wine on the kitchen side, empty of course. i couldnt say anything i just couldnt bring myself to do it.
he was acting strange all day and in the evening i just asked him outright and he said it was jim that was here, noone else.
didnt belive him, but really wanted to. well tuesday, he asked me to send a text from his phone as hed forgot his glasses.
This is when everything crashed.
Texts from a woman id never heard of...i know all his female friends. the texts were disturbing, talking about what a great night they had and when to meet up again.
The worst part is that on monday night, he had said he might go out, hearing this i threw up (he didnt know i threw up) then just sat, but then he let me know he wasnt gouing out, and could he come to mine.
Well he came round, and we did have sex.
Then tuesday morning iread the messages, he was going to sleep with her monday night, but she couldnt make it and wanted to arrange a different date.
of course this sucks!! i was second best.
Hh swears that thursday was the first time. i think i believe him, cause there were no signs before this,
he says it was a drunken mistake, but if this is the case then why the messages, why the attempts at meetings!
Immediatly he deleted her number and apologised.
i ran to my sisters 200 miles away and stayed for 2 days.
I have been messaging and calling him in howls of pain and screaming at him and questioning him,
to his credit, he is answering my questions, when i scream and rant and put the phone down, im getting a simple text after saying im sorry and i love you.
I just cant sleep, ive eaten one potatoe waffle in a week, sometimes im physically sick and im howling, not crying but howling in pain uncontrollably.
he is trying and i know its very early but i do belive he is truely sorry.
Today tough, we had sex, because i wanted to feel close to him, i wanted to feel like he WANTED ME!! i got a few movies but i pushed them down and afterwards i felt like i knew he wanted me, but that perhaps i wasnt ready, and it may be a while before it happens again.
i also cant go into his house because i see her everywhere.
i just dont know how this will go away.
this is the only man i ever trusted. we have been together 4 years. ive tried to find reason, but what, Was she prettire then me? well i know her and id like to think she isnt!! did we not do what he wanted in the bedroom? i tried to try everything and hes always said hes happy.
I asked why i wasnt enough but he doesnt understand this question. ive tried to explain that to me, he is enough, so i dont chest, but im obviously not enough for hiom......he swears i am.
Now the other issue. we live in a small town, the woman works in the pub, and will untill august when she emmigrates. ive said he cant go pub and hes accepted that but i feel bad as it means he cant go out full stop!! but how can i sit knowing he is there and she could walk in any moment.
Hes told me how sorry he is, that he will do all it takes to get me through this, and i can see the pain in his eyes when he sees my pain, so i think im right to think he wants to get through this too??
dday 7th may 2013
together 4 1/2 years
status want out
How can you love what you cant trust?