He is never separated from his phone for more than a minute - he's been like this since we've met. It is in his pocket 99.9% of the time. It goes to the bathroom with him. He checks for it impulsively every time he wakes in the night, and he wakes every time I stir.
How do I get the phone away from him to take a better look?
How did you get it the first time? However you did, do it again. This time, don't put it back. Let him think he lost it. Even if he can't believe that, just stick to the story. "Oh, it was on the table? I swear I didn't see it. Are you sure?" Then, while he thinks its lost and is searching the house, slip out on an errand. Look at what you need to. Return and place the phone someplace and let him find it - thinking that's where it was all that time. This might be hard since he is so connected to his phone, but its a thought. Where does he put it when he showers? If its on his dresser or the back of the toilet or whatever...grab it (if possible without being seen). Again, don't try to look in those 2 minutes. Just take it and let him think he lost it or set it down someplace else.
I just don't think trying to get info from a phone in 2 minutes, rushed is a good idea. You need an hour or so to dig through.
If he asks why say it's because I know you're hiding something. Don't let him move he has to hand it to you immediately.
You'll be able to tell by the look on his face exactly what's going on. And if he won't give it to you, well there's just no explanation for that.
Or do what I did, look at it while he was in the shower.
I can hold my head up high and look at myself in the mirror with dignity.
"honey, in a marriage everything must be open.. I want to see your phone and all the records right now."
if he says no... Then you have a huge issue. Take away all your blessing until he gives you this info.. It will be hard but you can do it. With conflict comes resolution.
In a marriage everything is open. Insist on it. I say be completely open. Ask for the records. Be this woman.
If you can get online without him knowing.. do it. and look up the history.. both text and calls.
If same number over and over.. and it is a woman... I am sorry to say your H is not behaving like a married man.
Then you can deal with it by seeking third party help, etc...
Stay calm and have courage.
There are only 2 outcomes..
1- you find evidence. Forward everthing to your own email- including texts. He will be pissed, threaten D, whatever. Tell him to STFU, that h was cheating and set out your demands for R or File.
2- You find nothing. Of course this is the scary scenario that freightens you from doing this. Like me, you are probably worried you may be wrong (I wasn't, unfortunately usually no one is ) so lets examine that. Just come home and tell him you are sorry. He has not communicated well with you and he is so protective of the phone that you really thought something was going on. Apologize. If he gets really upset, get a VAR, he is probably cheating and is using this as an opportunity to gaslight you further. A non-cheating, faithful spouse should understand.
If he is misbehaving he is most likely deleting his texts as soon as he gets/sends them. (IF he realizes he is being a bad boy). Getting phone records/bills is helpful in this.
A voice activated recorder (VAR) is a great idea w/ or w/o knowing if he is being bad. Listen if your gut is screaming somehthing is amiss, then it probably is. I wish I would have put a VAR in H's vehicle about 3 months sooner.
There may be other phones they have as well, including OW Junior.
Yes, his nature when you begin talking to him about it in any way will be telling in and of itself, dion.
A big clue or some red flags for me were in his manner...he tried for patience but couldn't do it and got very, very defensive, then made excuses to avoid me. By then I knew.
Now that damn phone is a boundary and low and behold, it drives DD nuts, too!
Yes, he does the same, it goes in the bathroom (eww), on projects, under the pillow when he sleeps-or did before. I don't know about now, don't care. I do know it's broken, which I think is funny.
The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan
The VAR is a good idea if you're too nervous to try that^^ just yet.
With my WH, he's the deep sleeper, so that's how I was mostly able to get ahold of it. But I warn you, I have asked to see his phone because I wanted to know if that Amy chick texted him (I saw the message, so I knew). He lied to my face about it, then deleted the message (I managed to check again after).
The whole phone hiding thing is a super-huge red flag to me now. So is deleting messages.
DS (6), DS (18 months)
Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".
Status: Done like dinner
He is never separated from his phone for more than a minute - he's been like this since we've met. It is in his pocket 99.9% of the time. It goes to the bathroom with him. He checks for it impulsively...
This is how my WXBF acted! Lying cheater!
Please be careful -- if there is a chance he'd become physical... especially if he's been drinking... don't take a chance of him catching you in the act of sneaking away his phone or looking through it.
And when/ however you do get to see his messages -
Please be prepared to discover that your worse fears are likely to be confirmed :(
I was so badly shaken the first time I 'busted' him I couldn't even physically go thru all the messages and I ended up confronting him prematurely -- and he deleted everything..! It took me another 2 weeks to intercept/catch Ow's texts again.
I heard a text come in while he was sleeping (in the morning). I took his phone and left with it. I wish I had been prepared to leave right then and there. Instead I went back home and got trickle-truth for days.... weeks.... months..! *grrr*
Drive away, park somewhere safe, then read. If you read first you may find yourself emotionally too much of a wreck to be driving.
I hope for your sake your suspicions are wrong... but, unfortunately by the time our gut is telling us there's an issue - there most definitely is an issue. :(
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
But the one text to OW was the one that confirmed for me that he was having an affair and that message ran through my head constantly for weeks
He lives with OW now and she is always checking his phone, although when I asked her one time about it she denied it and said "why would i do that i have no reason to not trust him" But i know she checks it, he has told a mutual friend and they told me about many times
she did it
Even one time there was a edited conversation between us that he called and asked me to reply in a certain way. He wanted to come in for a visit but wanted her to think i was gone away and he was coming in to stay with DD. She saw it and it worked!!! She even called the house that night and left a message "i think its really awesome you letting WH stay there while your out of town and all, its really nice for him to spend some alone time with DD," If she knew,
I hate his cell phone
[This message edited by sunshine226 at 9:44 AM, May 14th (Tuesday)]