I'M ON THE FENCE
I'm not asking sarcastically, but would it make a difference to you to know who she is?
Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August
Tell him you want him to take a polygraph as a condition of R.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
But in all honesty, what's the point? Satisfying my curiousity about what she looks like won't help me. They meant nothing to each other both were just looking for someone to screw on a casual basis. It wouldn't change a darn thing. So why bother? If she's physically more attractive, that will mess with your head. If she looks like a two-legged pig that will mess with your head. Let her go and put the focus on the important stuff. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Most men dummy down when they cheat - helps their ego.
So know that regardless of who she is or what she looks like - you are better. You are real and you didn't cheat. You "beat" her hands down.
Move forward and forget the tramp.
At first and even now, I simply had to know anything I could about OW but now I find I don't want to. I don't want to hear anything about any of it. Any of it is a trigger and actually, SBXH himself has become a trigger.
I don't know when your Dday was, but early on I was much more curious, if that helps at all. Maybe as time goes on, you won't need to know, but maybe you will. I have times or issues I need to know and can't let go of if I don't know, so it goes in a circle sometimes.
Do you think you could put it out of mind if you knew, or would it be a lot worse? Maybe some questions to ask yourself would help.
I'm sorry, but I'm skeptical that he has no info. Was he drunk? I don't know many instances where a ONS could happen without details if it was in a setting like you describe, because that doesn't seem like a sudden thing, like things that happen on the street.
And I hate the saying too, but maybe over time things will divulge themselves as sometimes happen. I know I've had some small questions answered without having to ask, when a person talks about it or DD or Perv himself lets something slip.
Discovering what really matters about life and "the situation" has helped a lot.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
If she's physically more attractive, that will mess with your head. If she looks like a two-legged pig that will mess with your head. Let her go and put the focus on the important stuff. (((hugs))
YES. THIS. At first I had visions of this porn star as his OW then I saw her picture - yuck. DOUBLE yuck when I met her. REALLY?!?!? *THAT* was what he risked his M for? Ugh. Can't win on what they look like and in reality - it doesn't matter. Mine didn't even have a pic of her before he invited her into my bed to have sex with her. Clearly it wasn't even about her.
But yes, cheaters are by definition liars, so take what they say with a grain of salt. Mine says it was only twice in the fall, but there was that time we had sex in December & I put my nose on his chest and smelled someone's perfume. To this day he swears that was nothing. You don't just accidentally get perfume on your shirt (under your tunic) by accident though.
DS (6), DS (18 months)
Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".
Status: Done like dinner