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Newest Member: KevinTheAsshole (45445)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: need thoughts on this
luv_lost
♀ Member
Member # 24621
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just got off the phone with WH. He's scared, crying, and a wreck.

Long story short, I told him I was getting a record of all of his deleted texts between him and the OW, complete with message contents. I said I was giving him one final opportunity to come clean with anything else he needed to tell me. He said that he didn't want me to read it, just to bring home the divorce papers, and he would sign and leave - he said he would walk out of our family's life for good. class act right! Anyway, he insists I not read it because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore....and admitted to 3 more details of their relationship.

Anyway, I ended the conversation with him bawling and I said I was going to enjoy my lunch break reading and he would hear from me later.

Seriously, I graciously am giving him a final opportunity to come clean and he just says, don't read it, you're going to leave me, just bring home the divorce papers and I'll leave?! Really?! Oh spare my poor (already broken) heart!

Not that this matters, he swore all last week, he was going to make this work, make this better, get help, stop lying to me. Yet I caught him in a lie when I asked him on DDay if he sent OW any "private" pics, he said no, then the night before last said he had.

He doesn't really want to wok this out I think....I think he wants to keeping being married and carrying on with his crap...


BW (me) 31
WH 33
DS1 8 yrs.
DS2 1 yr.

Anniversary 6/09/04
DDay 6/27/09
Wedding 3/15/12
DDay2 5/5/13

presently working towards...well i don't know anymore...


Posts: 155 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Philly, PA
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((luv))))
You are staying stong. That is good. Do you really have the texts?

Could he come clean and tell you WHY he thinks you will want a D after reading them?

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8744 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boo frigging hoo. He should have thought about your hurt and anguish before he unzipped his pants. What he wants doesn't count right now. If you can, I certainly would read through all of the emails to see exactly what you're facing. And if at the end you want him out, well, take him up on his offer. His tears do not move me, nor should they move you. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
luv_lost
♀ Member
Member # 24621
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the luv you guys! I'm staying strong, it just sucks always having to be the better person. I too, am unmoved by his tears and his "wanting to spare me any additional hurt and heartache." He sure wasn't thinking about me when he was carrying on with OW so why give a crap now?

And ok, I'll admit to you all I lied to him, I do not have the texts (at this time but I can get them). I know there's more he hasn't divulged and was hoping he would come clean on his own. In my line of work, interrogation and truth/fact finding skills are necessary and I am using my arsenal of training against him right now. If only I knew how to play poker, I could probably clean up pretty good!


BW (me) 31
WH 33
DS1 8 yrs.
DS2 1 yr.

Anniversary 6/09/04
DDay 6/27/09
Wedding 3/15/12
DDay2 5/5/13

presently working towards...well i don't know anymore...


Posts: 155 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Philly, PA
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 1:36 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Luv

So sorry. He is continuing to be selfish. If he really wanted it to work, why not come clean and then beg for forgiveness?

It sounds as if he is willing and perhaps wanting to throw in the towel? (((sigh)))

Continue your 180. Stay strong.

Clueless...

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Apr 2013
HereWeGo62
♂ Member
Member # 34766
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used this same tactic on my FWW. Told her I had all of the old hard drives dating back to 2009, gave her one chance to come clean. I fed her some tidbits of stuff to make her think I had already read some emails and she folded. Told me way more than I probably really wanted to know but it helped me move on.

Stay strong, he is in panic mode and may eventually fold like a cheap suit. If he plays the D card then play along with him, it can always be stopped later on.


If there is reincarnation I hope OM comes back as a low water flush truck stop toilet!

Posts: 306 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Tx
luv_lost
♀ Member
Member # 24621
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahh well, in regards to the divorce/custody papers, I was not bluffing there! They are ready to go, just need to be signed, dated and filed!

I don't get it, he knows I'm not playing and swears he wants me and our family but cmon! I think it would literally kill this guy to tell me the truth! so frustrating and I'm getting tired of this sh*t!


BW (me) 31
WH 33
DS1 8 yrs.
DS2 1 yr.

Anniversary 6/09/04
DDay 6/27/09
Wedding 3/15/12
DDay2 5/5/13

presently working towards...well i don't know anymore...


Posts: 155 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Philly, PA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to go through the same thing - I'll never understand why my WS wasn't just honest with me to begin with. Unlike you, I didn't threaten to recover deleted texts, skype chats, etc. I figured my wife knew me well enough that I was capable of doing it. I asked for all the details on DDay - I told her I wanted that to be the worst day of my life, but she kept up the TT. After 2 months I got her timeline, and just knew she wasn't telling the truth. It hurt me to do so, but then I went forensic because she didn't give me enough credit to tell me the truth. That really still hurts - and it now I only believe what I have found out myself because I know she is capable of swearing to me I know the whole truth while lying to me. If I had a chance to do it over again, I would have gone forensic right off the bat. I probably wouldn't be in R right now, but I wouldn't of gone into R under false pretenses. Make him come clean if it's important to you. I would get all the info you can to verify he is telling the truth if you want to consider R. You don't want to think you have all the details and then something pops up 5 months or 2 1/2 years down the road.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4028 | Registered: Dec 2011
luv_lost
♀ Member
Member # 24621
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing your story Tred. I do fully intend on getting the texts. I just can't get them this week - it's a scheduling situation thing. Hopefully he will come clean and when I compare his "version" to what really went down, they'll match. Hoping but not holding my breath.


BW (me) 31
WH 33
DS1 8 yrs.
DS2 1 yr.

Anniversary 6/09/04
DDay 6/27/09
Wedding 3/15/12
DDay2 5/5/13

presently working towards...well i don't know anymore...


Posts: 155 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Philly, PA
LivingALie
♀ Member
Member # 17217
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

luv-lost-

Ya know what? I'm old enough to be your mother - and I WISH I had the guts you have, not only at my age NOW - but when I was 30 too!

Well..I do have the guts now - thanks to SI..)

I know you don't need me to tell you this - but you aer awesome - you hang tough girl..and let the big Mr Big Shot cry his eyes out - and do NOT back down.

My H would lie until the bitter end too - and I'll bet your H does want to work it out - but right now he is TERRIFIED of YOU! Good.

I called my H's bluff once - and it worked - I was very proud because he works in law enforcement -

Stay strong - you're amazing.

[This message edited by LivingALie at 2:14 PM, May 13th (Monday)]


Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 1265 | Registered: Nov 2007
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah, I bluffed on my DDay too. Had proof of EAs, paid on-line whores, his stripper addiction, etc., but did not have proof of his ONS. However, I dropped enough teasers when he tried to weazle that after about an hour, when I told him that I knew there was more and if he didn't come clean with it, he was going out the door, he admitted his ONS. It actually shocked the hell out of me .... I was speachless. I had no proof of physical infidelity at all, and frankly, I always thought that he would never be in a ONS because of his need for emotional closeness. But I discovered it by being tough, bluffing about what I did know, and by dropping enough hints/truths that he figured that I had it all.

Go get him. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
luv_lost
♀ Member
Member # 24621
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((livingalie))

Thank you! It took a long time to find my strength and most of it stems from knowing I have two beautiful sons to raise to be good men, to treat women like equals not objects, and to not be lying, selfish pricks...

I came from a broken home. My mother was the OW. We were the OWC. My parents, uncles, aunts, older sisters all helped to conceal the lie. I refuse to live like that and WH knows that, but he is seriously taking advantage of my good graces.

I just spoke to him (he called me, I refuse to call him and answer his calls on the first ring...180, 180, 180!). I was very calm, and stated complete disclosure had to happen tonight, and not the kind where I ask a question and 20 minutes later I get a partial answer and a whole lot of silence. He is going to initiate the conversation and spill it to the end. If I have to pull teeth, well, I am going to take that as a refusal to be honest and wanting to genuinely make this M work.

He said ok.

We shall see....

"the woman balls are strong with this one."


BW (me) 31
WH 33
DS1 8 yrs.
DS2 1 yr.

Anniversary 6/09/04
DDay 6/27/09
Wedding 3/15/12
DDay2 5/5/13

presently working towards...well i don't know anymore...


Posts: 155 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Philly, PA
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Florida is a no fault divorce state but on the form under reason, I plan to put "Trickle Truth".


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Topic Posts: 13

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