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Newest Member: Tryin2staykewl (45320)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why is this happening?
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Sad  Posted: 2:29 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So here I sit taking a break from packing up my belongings to move to an apartment in a few days. I cry, I scream,I pack, I take a break and start the whole process over again. Why or why is he picking the OW over me? If it's truly just a friendship why would he risk losing everything just to keep the friendship? My world has come crashing down and life as I know it is over. How do you get through this? I feel like I'll never get better. I love my WH so much and want him so badly so why can't he feel the same about me? I just don't understand this at all. I don't want to move out, I don't want to be alone but I just cannot handle him having this relationship with another woman. So deeply hurt I'm sure I'll never recover. I'll never be happy again and I'll never be able to move forward. I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((stilltrying)))
I'm sorry your in such pain. If your very new to this grief, your h could be in his "fog". Have you read of the 180? It helps you to regain yourself and stand on your own. Helps, doesnt cure. I feel your grief, i've been there. My h and i were separated for over a year. it was close to a year before he pulled his head out of his ass and realized what he was throwing away. Incredibly painful for you. (((()))) YOu'll make it still trying, you will

Posts: 614 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks kiki1! I have read the 180 and I've been trying to do that for the past week but it doesn't seem to phase him, just gives him more time to text the OW. I know he's in a fog and I sure hope he can find his way out of it. He's giving up a lot by maintaining this "friendship". He's losing his wife, his marriage, his children, his granddaughter, everything! Maybe reality will hit when he comes home this weekend and a lot of stuff from the house is gone and he has no one here for him. Hopefully it gets old to sit around alone or maybe it won't. I don't know. I honestly feel like I've been hit by a Mac truck


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, the fog isn't a state they are in involuntarily. Its not a parasite that has taken over your WH.

He is choosing to foggy himself up. It is how they rationalise what they're doing to themselves, to us, to their children, to family and friends.

You are not in competition with the OW. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else.

Read "She's Special" - its the second article down. It gave me so many lightbulb moments my head was spinning for several weeks.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/a-vain-fantasy-his-one-true-love-the-exception-that-confirms-the-rule/

NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT YOU.

We all know the deep hurt. We've all been right where you are now.

You WILL recover. You are so very early into this. My final S was only months ago and I too thought I would die of heartbreak. But here I am, wildly alive and more than that I'm thriving.

Detach, detach, detach.

Hardcore NC/180. It will save you here. No talking, no pouring your heart out, no rage - nothing. Give him nothing.

If he pulls his head out of his arse and shows True Remorse then you can revisit. The chance of that is less than zero.

You are doing the right thing. Cry, let it out, let yourself feel it. But always tell yourself that you deserve better and you will demand better.

((stilltrying2025))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
NoraLee
♀ Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sent you a PM still...


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Strong: Wow, that's quite an article. I'm going to have to read it again as my mind is struggling to take a lot in right now. Thank you for your kind words. Thankfully my WH is on the road for work so I don't have to see him. Unfortunately, he's not that far away from her. I hope he pulls his head out of his ass but I'm not holding my breath. Why do I have to love this man so much? For all he has done to me over the 24 years I have been with him, why do I still love him with all my heart? It just doesn't make sense.....


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
bwok3
♀ New Member
Member # 38423
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stilltrying....i am where you are right now and am feeling the same confused thoughts....
For all he has done to me over the 24 years I have been with him, why do I still love him with all my heart? It just doesn't make sense.....
this really hit home for me, but with 30 years big hugs for you


ME: 46 BS
HIM: 49 WH
Married 28 years
Separated
DD 21
DS 27
D-day-1 1986-but still denies it to this day
OW#1 PA - I think it was just a one night stand
D-day 2 Sept 25-11
OW-#2 EA & other online crap
Filing for D soon

Posts: 36 | Registered: Feb 2013
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillTrying, at the beginning my WH also insisted that he and his whore were "just friends", though they were sexting every goddamn night. He said it was fun. For a newfound "friendship" where he doesn't know the other person well, why would they jeopardize their family for a stranger? I totally understand where you're coming from and how you're feeling that you can't bear that he's having a relationship with another woman.

You will go through the stages of grief: sadness, anger, denial, acceptance (not in any particular order). You WILL survive and find your happiness again.


Posts: 198 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only thing that is making me feel better right now is that he has text her 8 times today and she has only responded 2 times! Ha jackass.......I think this is a one-sided obsession! Also, since the 9th of May he has text her over 40 times and she has only responded 17 times. Hmmm....if she truly felt the way that he does wouldn't she text him more often? This actually made me giggle, which I haven't done for quite a while. Sure hope it continues but I will not hold my breath.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Dawn58
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still love the man I thought I married. I don't understand why he did what he did outside of the fact that he has done this before, I am wife #3. He cheated twice on wife number 2. I am starting to understand that he is broken, but I still don't get it.

I want the life I had back. I want to be back at my house, walking through my garden, secure in the love I felt for him. Not sitting alone in this house, sobbing my eyes out, so alone and lost.

It is because I am keeping my mouth shut that he still has the life he does. His life goes on as it did before, only with this year's model. My world has come crashing down and like you, the life I had is over.

I don't know why they can't love us. I don't know why they are so selfish. I don't know why they lie. I don't know why they cheat. I don't know why they treat the people that love them this way.

Right now, I only know the pain of this. I know the deceit of this. I know the loneliness and tremendous feeling of loss. I know I am struggling. I know I am sobbing, raging and just trying to get through each day. Each minute, each breath.


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too Dawn58! I don't understand it at all myself. I'm just desperately trying to keep my chin up and get through the day minute by minute. I've only cried twice so far today so that's an accomplishment in itself. But, it's plenty early!

Take care.......big hugs!!!!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it's truly just a friendship why would he risk losing everything just to keep the friendship?

Because it's probable that it's more than a "friendship", regardless of what he tells you.

Does she have a SO/spouse? Does he know of the texting?

Edited to add, does she know he's married?

[This message edited by Mousse242 at 12:15 PM, May 14th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure if her and her bf are still together or if he knows about the texting. And yes, she knows he's married. She has met me briefly twice.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG I wish I could just stop looking at the cell phone bill! It throws me into a panic attack every single time I see they are texting each other! He even sent her a picture!!!! It should be ME he is contacting to try and reconcile his marriage not that stupid *#$(&@#$*(@#&!!!!!!!!! Here goes the tears again. Damn him and damn her! I sit here packing up my belongings and he sits there chatting it up just as happy as could be with her. How many times can he break my heart.....


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Jayne Doe
♀ Member
Member # 32664
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still - gentle 2 x 4 coming from me.

You need to stop looking at the cell phone bill. You *know* he is texting her and calling her, so why torture yourself by seeing how much?

It's so hard to stop - I KNOW! I was obsessed. 4 times a day on a good day. I think for awhile I was doing it every hour because that's how often Sprint updates. But one day I realized what I was doing was hurting me even more than I was already hurt.

Tell yourself NO. No you are not going to torture yourself anymore!


Everyday is a blank canvas, and only you hold the brush.
30y M traded in for a POM (pathetic Old Maid 46, 2 kids from different dads. never married)
S 11/11, D final 1/14.

Posts: 1454 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Suburbia, Arizona
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are right, I need to stop but it's like an obsession for me and has been since D-Day. I had to let WH know that property taxes are due tomorrow and if he was going to get that taken care of. He said it's hard to do where he is at. I said you can do it off your phone. He said only if he knew how. I bit my tongue and didn't say "Well ask your OW to help you!". I just said "So what are you saying? I'm busy packing and moving. Am I supposed to do it?" and he came back with "if you would please". What an ass. What is he going to do when I'm not here for him? WTF is he going to do? You'd think this would dawn on him right now but it doesn't. If my name wasn't on the property I would just let it sit until he gets home this weekend and then he can pay the penalty but I don't need it looking bad on me. What a jerk.........

I hate how I go from missing him, to being hurt, to being pissed off. This roller coaster is making me sick and I want off!!!!!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Stilltrying)))

I know how you feel, completely. When we were together he saw his kids 3-4 times a week, had DD for overnights, we were a family. He and I got alone time when we could and always had fun together. (Now history has been rewritten, he never had much fun with me.)

Now he's lucky to have time to see his kids for a couple hours a week. He "lives" with the ow but her place is too small for him to truly move in he says. His spare time is all spent with her. His friends and family are disgusted with him and want nothing to do with her. He has affaired way way down. Why would he choose such a life?

I am heartbroken. The question is never how I feel today, but how I feel this hour. It changes that often. I am furious. But I admit deep down a part of me hopes to R someday. and I feel pathetic.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I probably just screwed up but I called OW and sent a message via fadcebook about what is going on. I talked to WH tonight and he could care less. Dumbasss! He's losing everything but he doesn't want to talk about it any more. Good thing I'm moving out I guess.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you speak with OW?

I wanted to co front OW at the beginning and was discouraged from it.


Posts: 198 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No she hasn't responded yet. Hope the whore does.....and soon. I got lots to say even though WH said he'll be more pissed if I do talk to her. Screw him.......he isn't allowed to hurt me all the time.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Topic Posts: 20

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