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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Texted H not to come home.
Sleepy312
♀ Member
Member # 38360
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That lit a fire under his ass. He has managed to find an excuse not to go to mc every time I've gone for at least a month.

Well, I texted him the time and address and he texted back he couldn't make it.

I texted back not to bother coming home and ill pack a bag Andrade it in the garage.

He flipped out. He immediately left work. He went home looking for me. I said I was at an appt. he asked for address to come get me and go to counseling. I said I'm at xx I will be at counseling at said time.

He put on a good show and the when we left didn't really speak to me. He went back to work and I went to get the kids from s hool.


Me 41
Dh 40
Married 11...he forgot our anniversary among other things. Every birthday, holdiay, whatever is forever ruined.

Together 17 years
Two great kids.

He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother is going to


Posts: 507 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Nj
PurpleBirch
♀ Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH didn't want to go to counseling either. I'm glad you managed to convince him. What happened after he came home from work? Same old? Or some effort?


Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner


Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it seems semi-encouraging, but don't put too much stock in one day's attendance at counseling.

When I finally told my husband it was over, he flipped out. His therapist was gobsmacked---seriously, he was so flabbergasted at this response that he asked me in for a reality check.

My husband had told him lies about me ad nauseum, and the IC could not fathom that there was ANY way he wanted to be with me. And you know what? He really didn't. He didn't want to be with me. He just didn't like the loss of CONTROL.

Watch your husband's actions over time.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8727 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sleepy312, good job. What you did is exactly why most of us all say that you can't nice them back. You have to shock their system just as much as they shocked yours (not that that's really possible, of course) to get their attention focused on the fact that You Very Well Might Leave. Perhaps Tomorrow. Hold to your hard line. You'll get a much faster answer as to if he's serious or not.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4857 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Sleepy312
♀ Member
Member # 38360
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After the appt he came with me and when we were getting in the car he said don't ever send a text like that again.

That made me feel like he didn't take it seriously although his response to my text showed otherwise.

He said that him not making it to the appt yesterday was just a scheduling conflict. Therapist told him she interpreted his actions toward the appointments as avoidance. I don't think he heard that though.

He has an individual appt with her tomorrow.


Me 41
Dh 40
Married 11...he forgot our anniversary among other things. Every birthday, holdiay, whatever is forever ruined.

Together 17 years
Two great kids.

He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother is going to


Posts: 507 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Nj
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with your MC.

Tell him,ok. You won't send a text like that again. That if you feel he isn't 100% in R, next time you'll have him served.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7489 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Sleepy312
♀ Member
Member # 38360
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The problem is he thinks R is on his terms. He may have slightly realized yesterday that his way may just not be acceptable.

It's nice to have my feelings and things I've said to him validated by the therapist be side he's an excellent gaslighter.


Me 41
Dh 40
Married 11...he forgot our anniversary among other things. Every birthday, holdiay, whatever is forever ruined.

Together 17 years
Two great kids.

He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother is going to


Posts: 507 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Nj
Topic Posts: 7

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