Do not leave your home, make her leave instead after she has a job. Treat her like the enemy she has become, or much more misery awaits you.
Please, please don't leave your home. She should leave. She is the enemy. Who cares how she finds a job. Whatever!! But lose that phone! And take the other phone from your son if necessary.
Don't let her PUNK you. Especially in front of your kiddos.
You said earlier that you never really dealt with the first infidelity. So this is 'lather-rinse-repeat'?
Don't fall into 'option B' mode so quickly. She is expecting you to fold.
I know that you are reeling from shock. So as gently as I can say this:
You must MAN UP.
You will have to get angry enough not to accept her shitty treatment of you.
Take control of the situation. You must stanch her ability to communicate in your home in front of you! No Computer, No Cell phone, Hold on to your cash.
See if you can pay a housekeeper to cook and clean. Use the money that you would normally give her...That was her job but she quit...so replace her.
She can stay until she gets a job (give her a time limit for that) and she sleeps with the fishes. NOT YOU.
You did not blow up the marriage, she did, she is actively in an A. There should be some consequences for her betrayal.
Let whomever is on the receiving end of her texts pay for her gas, get her a phone...hell, give a place to stay! Why would you fund her Affair???
A REALLY HARD 180 is in order notsosureanymore!
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.