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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Feel like just going through motions
savvy
♀ Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone else feel like they are just going through the motions of living. I don't feel any enjoyment in anything I feel like I'm just a robot doing what I am supposed to do. Life is so short. Why do I have to feel this way it makes me so mad! Getting out of bed is getting harder. My Wh who I kicked out 3 weeks ago has been living from hotel to friends couches now he is taking an empty apartment , this he says is to save money as hotels are expensive. I feel like its more of a permanent move. I just want this nightmare to end!!!


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
undonelife
♀ Member
Member # 38421
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I do. We are in R but I still feel like Im living someone else's life. Im in a bad dream, somebody wake me up! I wonder if it will every really end.


Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years
DDay 11/25/12 TT 9/9/13
OW:20 yrs younger McOW
Kids: 2 teens

Posts: 184 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Dark Hell
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, I'm doing it daily. I'm procrastinating so badly with packing it's ridiculous. I don't enjoy anything anymore, I can't even sleep in my own bed, I sleep on the couch and I wake up and wonder if this is all a dream until I look around at all the boxes and then reality kicks me in the ass. My WH hasn't talked to me at all yet and don't know if he will. Our nightmare will never end until we get some closure but God only knows how long that will take.

Sending you big hugs savvy!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Dawn58
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI Savvy,

I am five and a half months out and still feel that way. No joy, no enthusiasm for the day ahead. Just try to get through the day the best I can.

We have suffered a terrible thing, a terrible loss.

The nightmarish quality is starting to lift a bit. I know this is my life now. Not the life I thought I was going to have.

I hope that over time, this will change and my joy will come back to me. My son came home last weekend and it was so good to see him. I felt more like myself. I feel better when I am with (some) people so I am trying to do more of that instead of isolating myself. I find that I hold myself back a bit because I am so protective over my heart right now.

My joy came from loving my husband and family. Sharing their happiness. So now I get to redefine that.


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 465 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Broken1Again
♀ Member
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally understand what you are going through. Not sure if it ever lifts or goes away. :(


BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 859 | Registered: May 2011
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, every freaking day...nothing brings me joy, any smile is a facade, and I generally just don't like people right now...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 976 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
dontknowanymore1
♀ New Member
Member # 39238
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

me too!
my daughter almost made me smile the other day.

we saw a frog and she shouted "EWWWW!!" and I said it might turn into a prince one day, and she said I wouldn't want that prince hed be all slimy!! too true baby, too true


me bgf(25)
him wbf(44)
dday 7th may 2013
children 2
together 4 1/2 years
status want out

How can you love what you cant trust?


Posts: 49 | Registered: May 2013 | From: england
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm nearly three months out and in immense pain. I'm scared to write this next line for fear of minimizing my WW's A. With time, the pain changes. It hasn't been three months and it's already changed.

At first, it was paralyzing. Now, it's a mixture of paralyzing pain and a deep sadness at other times.

For the last three months I have thought about nothing else. People talk to me in personal or work life and all I visualize is the A.

But more and more I can focus on life and I'm back to about 2/3 productivity at work. On most days. Some days are too hard.

We're attempting R. I don't feel she's fully committed yet and I don't feel I'm anywhere near ready to forgive.

Accepting that the pain is going to last years is helping me compartmentalize it so I don't lose everything else in my life the way I lost my marriage.

I don't believe the pain will ever go away, but from what others have posted here, not only can you eventually live with it, it'll change enough that you can be happy again.

That takes time.

For now, I'm on anti-depressants. They help immensely. This is going to sound ridiculous. I'm a guy who had never baked before. I learned how to bake bread and when I'm home alone with my thoughts I bake bread. Weird, but it's been helpful.

At work, I'll sometimes vent on SI before I can attend a meeting. That helps, too.

Going to the gym has been good, although on more than one occasion I cried on the exercise bike. Before the A I hadn't cried in something like a decade.

I'm sorry for your pain. It's with you -- and us -- for life. But it changes into a different kind of pain with time AND with work. We're in MC and IC. Time alone wouldn't have helped.

Also, for me, it's been helpful to have my WW around. It doesn't mean that we're going to stay together. I'm following the advice of some of the veterans here and waiting about a year to make that choice. It's been helpful to have her in MC as far as understanding her reasons for the A -- they're all faulty and she now sees that.

I can also vent to her -- she used to be my best friend. Most of the time she doesn't want to hear it, but it makes me feel better to vent anyways.

Good luck. Just don't ever give up and don't be shy to ask for help. You need it. Affairs are incredibly damaging. There's a signature on SI that reads, "guns don't kill people, affairs do."

That people even compare the two, it shows how destructive affairs are for all persons involved. Even the stupid WS.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
dontknowanymore1
♀ New Member
Member # 39238
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i agree with the baking bread, all that kneading, love it.


me bgf(25)
him wbf(44)
dday 7th may 2013
children 2
together 4 1/2 years
status want out

How can you love what you cant trust?


Posts: 49 | Registered: May 2013 | From: england
Butterfly24
♀ Member
Member # 39053
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way. I have no interest in anything. I smile, even laugh sometimes, but I think it's fake, my eyes are sad and the sadness doesn't fade.

I only found out a little over a month ago, I too wonder if it ever goes away.


Posts: 63 | Registered: Apr 2013
savvy
♀ Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea it has been a bad day all around. Had to see Wh twice at work, but held it together. I went to the gym and like FeelsSoMuch said I started to cry on the exercise bike too. I have an exam tomorrow in school and can't focus on studying at all. I just got off the phone with Wh and I lost it crying with him on the phone, not begging, just lost it telling him how scared I am but that I am moving on, he was always my rock, the one I went to with problems, to talk to, I guess its hard to break that habit. I hate him and love him at the same time, I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. It seems like a lot of people are in R but I don't think we will ever get there, and I don't know how to resign myself to that.


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Helpless  Posted: 3:43 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Savvy

I am sorry your husband is not being honest with you.

He needs to either free you or recommit.

Has he tried IC at all? I know it has been 3 weeks but it is all terribly new.

You are total normal in feeling everything you feel. You are still in shock.

It is hard to enjoy life when you are hurt and paralyzed.

Saying prayers and sending hugs. Try, just try to be good to yourself.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1099 | Registered: Apr 2013
savvy
♀ Member
Member # 39102
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is making an appointment today for IC. Thank you for the support


me-BS (49)
him-WH (49)
2 children 21 and 19
Together 30 years
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: connecticut
hurtininHouston
♂ Member
Member # 39250
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I truly feel it will fade. It has been almost exactly a month. For the first three weeks, that was me. Dazed, upset, wracked with a pain in my chest that would not go away. Losing 10 pounds, not being able to enjoy even the best food. I had started to be able to really manage, and am trying to R. But on mothers day she wanted to blame me, that it was 1/2 my fault. I pushed her to it. So much for a smooth R. I went back to square one in regards to her. In regards to my own health and sanity, I guess that implementing a limited form of 180 helps. Replacing my mental movies with happy times and people. My kids. I am resigned to the fact that it is done. It happened and I can't change it in any way shape or form. I was the only one now being hurt by it. Damaging myself for thinink about it all day. I made my mind up to quite the mental movies. It has worked quite a bit. However, love scences, songs and other things still hurt. I still cry. but everyday I am getting better. You will too. Time. It smoothes all things. I can't say it heals all things cause it won;'t. My life parter, soulmate and best friend ruined it all.
HiH

Posts: 57 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Houston
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hated hearing this at three weeks: you're still in the early days.

Whatever outcome will take years to settle, according to the vets here. I'm at almost three months and far from feeling good or any resolution. Except one: I accept that this will take time, the next few years of our lives. That's unfair as hell. The only thing I can do is strengthen myself for the ride, set boundaries and go for help -- no one is strong enough to go through this alone. SI helps, MC helps, so does IC. Friends help, too. With everything except relationship advice. Unless you survive an A you don't know what it's like and can't give advice.

I wish you strength. And forgive yourself if there ate days when you just want to bake bread and drink Martinis without talking to anyone before going to bed :)

Thinking hurts, but helps you sort out the A and how to move forward. BTW, it took me this long to have a plan. And my plan is very short term: I'm going to strengthen myself.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 15

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