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Newest Member: morethanjustme (44921)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: "If I don't date, I don't get hurt" Your thoughts?!
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jackie:

-Catholic Church - uh no chance, just families and older people

Not true. You'd be surprised at how many singles/divorced people are active and involved at church. Check into the activities that are going on there (even/especially the ones not geared towards divorce or meeting people). I bet you'd find out that there are quite a few people to meet who could become friends, or more.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3415 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

-Catholic Church - uh no chance, just families and older people

Jackie,

Talk to your pastor - you can start a group of parents without partners, single parents etc... to go do things with or without kids...

My church's youth group was full of single parents... when the kids group met.. the parents did too it was fun.

I miss that group. my kids are older and not in youth group anymore.

Maybe I need to talk to my pastor about a singles group.
Hmm...
Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5066 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whilst I'm still not unbroken? I agree with the statement.

When I'm healthy? No. Yes the walls shut out the bad but they can also shut out the good.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5555 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are so full of great advice and I have to admit...you 'all (gee, I have lived in TX for waaay too long ) are right about not just shutting down. But I feel that I got hurt...bad. Very bad. Twice. Once by my ex-h of 17 years and then next by my bf of 4 years...Yeah, the one that everyone warned me about. Which reminds me...
THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME WHILE I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I REALLY NEEDED IN LIFE.
I digress...
So I just want to thank everyone. I hurt for each and everyone one of us here, we ALL (and yes, that inc. the waywards here on SI) we all have beeen hurt, I guess it is part of life.

For now, I think I will do ME.

Yeah, yeah that's it! I will do ME!

Thanks SI, you guys are just amazing!
I just love this place, we rock y'all, WE ROCK!


Posts: 2485 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
Sue1964
♀ Member
Member # 37057
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep I'm so with u I feel I will never date again.

Posts: 287 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Uk
josie11
♀ Member
Member # 31648
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm on board with the no dating ever again plan.

Never in this lifetime do I want to feel that kind of pain again.

I love my children, my mother, and my siblings. That's enough love to last a lifetime.


BS: me
XWH: Dead to me, after spending half our lives together
2 teenagers
"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible... and enjoying everything in between."-Mia Farrow

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exit Wounds,

This showed up on my newsfeed tonight. I thought of you and this thread.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5066 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, May 16th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

love that quote!

There is a psychologist/buddhist author who speaks to this very eloquently. His name is David Richo and he's written a book called The Things We Cannot Change and te Happiness We Find by Embracing Them.

He says that the givens in life are:
1. Everything Changes and Ends
2. Things Do Not Always Go According to Plan
3. Life is Not Always Fair
4. Pain is a Part of Life
5. People are not Loving and Loyal all the Time.

It's a beautifully written book and I recommend it.

Any relationship even a perfect match made in heaven is going to end and we will probably experience pain unless we are both killed instantly together. But then others will feel pain.

In my mind all pain is not the same and I especially try to eliminate gratuitous pain, like the pain from putting up with a mate who has no consideration for us.

Exit, you had your share of inconsiderate men for a while. I hope you can take time for self exploration and development before getting into your next relationship. The first person who must show sensitivity and consideration for you is you.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 8:47 AM, May 16th (Thursday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5815 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, May 16th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree.

I choose not to put myself out there and one of the reasons is to avoid hurt because I do feel like it's just a matter of time that someone will let you down.

I feel like people are just different now; not only SO but family, friends...everyone's so selfish. I am too even.

Now, I truly haven't started dating mostly because of my kids. I want to feel like they are 'settled' before I can 'settle' myself. I feel like that's my main goal right now. They're only young once and I feel like I have a lot of living left to do - so taking some time for them now is important.



Posts: 14350 | Registered: Jun 2008
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the potential for hurt lies in all relationships, not just "dating" ones. So in order not to be hurt, will you sever ALL ties?


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my mind all pain is not the same and I especially try to eliminate gratuitous pain, like the pain from putting up with a mate who has no consideration for us.

Love this IL. I need to remember this.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4515 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Innerlight
Exit, you had your share of inconsiderate men for a while

Yes, thank you for that sentence. It is true the last two men in my life, (being my ex-h of 17 years and my ex-bf of 4 years both hurt me...both were very selfish and at the end, God watched out for me, where I could not watch out for myself.

Lady Q as far as getting hurt by "all" relationships vs just the dating ones....
I think dating is kind of trivial compared to the relationship you have with your kids for example. So my kids will hurt me but they are my kids and I will get through it and still be their mom. If a bf hurts me,(deeply), then it's like WTF? What did I do to deserve this?! So I will shield myself from that kind of hurt.

Kajem,
thanks, you made me smile

[This message edited by Exit Wounds at 12:45 PM, May 17th (Friday)]


Posts: 2485 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, I see. Fwiw, I think there's not any harm in NOT dating, especially if you still feel vulnerable to that kind of pain. It actually seems healthier to me than dating because "it's time" or any of the other excuses we humans tend to use...


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 33
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