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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He asked her to Marry him!
Edith
♀ Member
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my dear Chef, I am so sorry you are going through this. How utterly unimaginable, the things he has said and done. In your home of all places.

It sounds to me like she is trying to break up your M by telling you all this stuff. So in order to be fair, maybe you could consider sending her a copy of his "I'm sorry" note, just so she can see his "other side?"

I really was convinced by that note. You have obviously married a very gifted liar

Take good care, and I would pull out the 180 and implement it like yesterday. I'm so sorry.

E.


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 387 | Registered: Feb 2013
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My biggest regret in all this mess is that I didn't make him leave when I found out the depth of his lies. I think it might have really woke him up more quickly to see first hand what it would be like giving up his family.

Hindsight being 20/20 I think you should seriously think of doing just that. He has lied for so long and so well to everyone. He needs to *feel* the consequences. If he shows some serious growth you always have the option of R. Nothing needs to be decided immediately and nothing has to be permanent at this point.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6558 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, be still my beating heart!

This idiot actually "proposed" to her via TEXT????

And MORE sadly, she actually saved the text for posterity??

Honest to God, if you weren't so devastated and disgusted by these two, I'd have myself a HUGE freakin belly laugh at how utterly FEEBLE the two of them were - and are.

It honestly never fails to amaze me when I see what pitifully LOW expectations these OW talk themselves into accepting, in order to get a few minutes of some liar's spare time before he goes home to his wife.

What an idiot this woman is.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1807 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NeverAgain -
This idiot actually "proposed" to her via TEXT????

And MORE sadly, she actually saved the text for posterity??

Thank you, I needed that laugh... gave me a chance to take a deep breath. No, he didn't propose to her over the text, she had a text that showed him referencing her as the "future Mrs. ____"

I can't read the letter he wrote me ever again. I can't believe what he did to her either. Nobody deserves this, not even this OW.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What-so she is still in contact with him?

re-post the cheaterville stuff. Let her father read that crap. Let him know how low she was willing to sink to be with a man like your H. Pics of meds to prove he was no longer sleeping with you.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HopefulMother - Go read my last post in general "Sympathy for the Devil" I can't repost it on Cheaterville, she's getting all full ride on the pain train. Courtesy of the truth and reality.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Edith -
It sounds to me like she is trying to break up your M by telling you all this stuff. So in order to be fair, maybe you could consider sending her a copy of his "I'm sorry" note, just so she can see his "other side?"

I really was convinced by that note. You have obviously married a very gifted liar

If I read that note again, I think I'd literally throw up (for the 20th time in 24 hours). Can we say NPD? He's an english major, he can write.

It's all so horrific.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
cosmicjoke
♀ Member
Member # 39159
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((chef)).. yeah I've heard that before too. The whole 'I didn't want her'.. thing. SO WHY'D YOU FUCK HER, THEN..??! Idiot.
And- 'I've been trying to blow her off for years' Hhmm that's funny. Because the reality sure seems like, you know, the COMPLETE OPPOSITE..
I mean what is wrong with these people..?? THAT is the real question here. Because their behavior- lying, playing games, using people as objects to get what they want, manipulating, having split realities between 2 different people, denying, projecting/ blame-shifting/ gaslighting, superficial charm, lack of empathy, etc.. sure seems like that of a bonafide sociopath to me. So... WHY so many sociopaths? Has it always been like this? Or is this a symptom of modern times..?? Why are so many people so sick..? Didn't their Mommies teach them how to behave, the difference between right and wrong...?? Don't most of us learn this stuff when we're- like, 3...???

So sorry Chef.. I hope you use the good advice here & you get all the painful truth so you can move forward... with or without the Hub. You're fortunate the parasite told you what you needed to know.. now maybe H's fantasy bubble is busted- and he can start learning how to treat others (esp his Significant Other!).. and understanding why his actions were wrong and screwed up.
Good luck to you...


Posts: 212 | Registered: May 2013
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, May 16th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah I've heard that before too. The whole 'I didn't want her'.. thing. SO WHY'D YOU FUCK HER, THEN..??! Idiot.
And- 'I've been trying to blow her off for years' Hhmm that's funny. Because the reality sure seems like, you know, the COMPLETE OPPOSITE..
I mean what is wrong with these people..??

Whats wrong is that he is a full blown bonified sex addict. And has been half ass making attempts to get the tools he needs to stop. He went to his first real SAA meeting last night. He believes that is the right place for him to be. He got his first chip.

I stay because, I would stay if he were an alcoholic trying to recover. I will give him the opportunity to get help. If he doesn't take this last chance, then he loses everything. We'll see. I said in another post, I have hope... I do not have faith in him.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
cosmicjoke
♀ Member
Member # 39159
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, May 16th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chef-j9- That sounds like really good progress.. the fact that he is admitting responsibility and doing something about (and believes it's the right place for him to be)--this is HUGE.
I think most of us here can relate to wanting to hang in there with someone who is broken and screwed up and hurt us in the worst way.. so we definitely get where you're at. Because we believe in commitment through thick and thin. (But why so many of us end up with partners who DON'T, I'll never know....)
I hope the blowup of his lies was a huge wakeup call and he realizes the severity of what he's done... & does what he needs to do to be a better person.

Posts: 212 | Registered: May 2013
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, May 16th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cosmic -
I hope the blowup of his lies was a huge wakeup call and he realizes the severity of what he's done... & does what he needs to do to be a better person.

He says it was. That now that its out, he realizes there could never be any real healing with all the lies still going on. DUH


He's changing his number, closing all existing email accounts and had his employer blocl her email addresses. I realize that there are numerous other ways for her to get through. But at least he's trying to show he's willing to do what ever it takes.

Of course, I've heard it all before. Time will tell.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Ladyogilvy
♀ Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, May 16th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really understand where you're coming from and what you're going through. I'm still trying to understand WH. He was raised in a world where the person who screwed over someone else was the winner. Lying was easier than telling the truth, got him what he wanted and he nevered suffered any consequences for lying. I always knew he got away with what I allowed him to get away with. Those of us with empathy and a strong ability to forgive run the risk of enabling repeated abusive behavior. Not because there is anything wrong with us but because there is something seriously wrong with them. Without serious consequences, nothing changes. I took pride in not taking WH's behavior personally all the years he was a mean drunk, living my life well regardless of his behavior. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? Rise above it? Then I found out WH was having an affair. I took that personally, did not understand it, did not forgive it, did not get over it... I think that people with NPD believe many of their own lies because they believe what they say when they're saying it. But... I don't think they can conceive of how terrible the consequences of their behavior will be until they are confronted with them.


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
stratus722
♀ Member
Member # 35907
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bottom line is you are is wife. Not the desperate slut on the side willing to share a man. I always think of how sick it makes us knowing they were with both of us but they willing knew and made a little fantasy over it. He loves me so much even though he's with his wife. What kind of logic is that?!? It takes a pretty screwed up person to call that true love.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jun 2012
cosmicjoke
♀ Member
Member # 39159
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lady & stratus-- So true! Every word you both said..!!

Posts: 212 | Registered: May 2013
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bottom line is you are is wife. Not the desperate slut on the side willing to share a man. I always think of how sick it makes us knowing they were with both of us but they willing knew and made a little fantasy over it. He loves me so much even though he's with his wife. What kind of logic is that?!? It takes a pretty screwed up person to call that true love.

AMen to that honey. Well said.

Laura


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2754 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 35
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