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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Do I tell?
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm pretty sure this is a one-sided EA so should I talk to the OW or her maybe ex-BF or current BF? I just have such mixed emotions I don't know what to do. I'm moving out and trying a 3 month separation but who does he get a hold of, certainly not me, but her! I'm just pissed right the *#(&% off!!!! I want to do it so badly right now but I don't know if I should. Any suggestions?


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say, NO, do not talk to the OW. If anyone, I would contact the current BF.

Monitor the situation right now, and confront only when you have more evidence.

If in fact it's only an EA right now, if you are moving out, and he just called her, chances are that they are going to take it to the next level.

This is what I thought in the very very beginning, that HE was having some kind of emotional affair with her, but that SHE wouldn't want anything to do with him, (I mean she was newly married, 20 years younger, 2 feet taller) really?? - NOPE, It was her all along, the first that told him - that "She was in love with him"...

Stay calm for a little while, think and observe, gather evidence.


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 489 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately I was so angry last night after talking to WH about our daughter needing money to go on a 2 week trip to the Cities that I called her and messaged the boyfriend on Facebook. I should regret it but I don't. I'm so upset that he refuses to give up this relationship with her and I don't think the 3 month separation is going to help either. I know I'm being selfish but if I have to hurt like this then so do all of them. I'm not keeping their secret any longer. I'm telling people and I don't care. He did this to himself. He is the one that decided that his "friendship" with her is more important than me and his children and grandchild. I've hit that angry stage now. I'm not a doormat for him to wipe his feet on. I am a human being and deserve to be treated with respect, just like he wants. We'll see where it goes from here I guess.


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are absolutely right,he brought this on to himself.

So what did she tell you? And what did the BF say?

Yes, I told everyone that knew them or asked too. No way was I going to keep his little secret.


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 489 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jackie89: she never answered the phone or returned my call; I did leave her a message and asked her to call me as I thought her and I needed to have a discussion. Her BF hasn't responded to my Facebook message either.

I'm so tired of trying to be the good person while he continues to carry on his EA. I sit at home packing my belongings, cleaning up so he has a clean home to come back to, getting the washer fixed, paying our property taxes because he just can't do it and taking care of everything else while he sits back and eats his cake. Screw it! I told him last night to file for a divorce and he knows I'll take him for everything I can get. I invested 24 long years with this man, lots of sweat, tears and blood, and this is the thanks I get for being there for him? Nope, not any more.

Right now I'm angry. Tomorrow I'll probably be sad. The emotional roller coaster.

If I do hear from any of them I'll be sure to let everyone know what they say. I know my WH is going to be pissed and probably won't talk to me for quite a while but that's his problem. I'm going to take back my life!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you! You do what you need to do for you right now!

If she didn't respond, then she's guilty of something. Her BF, probably has been told by her that YOU are the one that's crazy.


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 489 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't forget that you can file for divorce, too. Then you don't have to wait for him and you won't be "defendent" on the forms.

It turned out to be a way to take charge of life for me that he had turned upside-down. It felt okay through my tears to tell him and OW that I wasn't going to sit and wait anymore, even though I had to borrow the money.

That concerns me that he contacted her afer you decided to move out, I hope he doesn't think of it as a permit to freedom from M instead of the opportunity to work on M? That's what Perv did. Told me he "wanted some space", but it's not what he really meant with OW waiting in the bushes somewhere.

Sorry for your pain and difficult times.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
stilltrying2025
♀ Member
Member # 39145
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to file for divorce but I just don't have the funds and I'm sure my credit isn't worth a crap right now because his excessive drinking and spending money has prevented me from paying certain bills and have been turned over to collection a few times; so I'm sure trying to get a loan is out of the question. After "outing" him and OW to the BF he told me that I made things worse. He'll probably back out of all the verbal agreements we had regarding child support and finances. Without his paycheck there is no way me and my daughter will survive. I'm going to call legal aid today and see if I qualify for free or reduced help and also call the county and see if there is anything I can do to make sure he pays me child support during this separation.

I also worry about the bills at the house since I'm the one who moved out. Most of the bills are in his name but the house and house insurance is in both of our names. We were supposed to get together and pay the bills this weekend but he was so mad at me he never got a hold of me to do it. I'm just worried that he's going to financially screw us more than he already has. I'm also scared that I won't be able to take care of my daughter; granted she is 17 and a junior in HS but there are a lot of financial responsibilities that comes with that age.

Sorry, this more of a vent but I'm just scared to death. Hopefully tomorrow I can get a little bit of information on my options. If any of you have any advice for me I would really, really appreciate it!


Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota
Topic Posts: 8

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