The bachelor party is a huge trigger for me. I have made my feelings very clear (no strippers, no inappropriate-ness of any kids, no other women). FiancÚ agrees and has promised to respect that, his friends agree and have also promised to respect that. FiancÚ and I even made a "what if" plan- if anything happens that he thinks I would be upset about, he will leave and call me immediately. I trust him, I do...I just don't trust the situation. The whole thing feels very not okay to me- I can't explain it. I can tell my fiancÚ how I feel, and I can even trust him, but the bottom line is that I can't control his friends and the choices they make. I think that's what has me so frustrated and worried.
We're not doing a joint party- for various reasons, that is not an option.
Every time I bring it up now, my fiancÚ gets angry. He says he has never been into strippers, he knows my boundaries and has already agreed to respect them, and that I am just alienating him by continuing to create a fight about it.
I still feel very uneasy and triggered. I feel like I have the right to talk about it.
Any advice on how to handle the situation?
At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.
Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August
He and I have a plan as far as what I expect if anything inappropriate happens (eg. Someone brings strippers, a group of girls shows up at the bar and finds out there's a bachelor party and decides to try to hang on him, etc...). He said he will leave and call me to come pick hIm up or take a cab- and will tell me about the goings on. He knows that he isn't to flirt with, or take drinks from other women (that goes for every night, but bachelor party as well). If someone offers, he is to remind the person that he is engaged, and not interested.
He will not spend the night out, he will come home and be in bed with me (or passed out on our bathroom floor, heh).
I think my biggest fears are two- fold. The first, being that I don't have control. The second is that he is having the party (due to out of town guests) within a few days before the wedding. I'm afraid if something happens and he lies to me, I won't find out until we are already married ( he finds this really offensive- I think considering his lying past and hiding things from me because he thinks I will get angry, it is a legitimate fear). But I have done what I can do, so now all I can do is stop worrying and hope for the best.