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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My H's female "friend" - Need Advice
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H used to work at a bar. He recently got a new job and does not drink anymore. So, at almost midnight, his (drinking bar) buddy's girlfriend (total legit bf/gf) calls my H last night. H was short with her saying my W and I are sleeping. Then, she goes on to say oh, we miss you. wtf?? I can hear because I made him call back the number that was missed.

So, I was going to fb message her this:
Hi It's X's wife. He does not drink anymore, so please don't call us in the middle of the night.

I don't think it's appropriate for you to tell someone else's husband that you miss him. By the way, how did you get his number??

What do you all think?

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:57 AM, May 15th (Wednesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I find it really weird that she would think it was ok to call a married man in the middle of the night.

Since your WH no longer drinks,and this buddy was just a drinking buddy,maybe he should go NC with both of them.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7696 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that it's your husband's place to send that note, not yours.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6810 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if his telling her "My wife and I are sleeping" was to warn her as soon as he answered that you were there and nearby. Im sorry,but this would send up a red flag for me.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7696 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed. Your H sends the note. You don't want the drinking buddy to shrug you off with a "man, that dude's wife is batshit crazy". Also, these are your H's changes to make on his own. Tends to more successful that way, rather than if it is imposed on him.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. Her cell number would be blocked too. WTF!

But I do agree, any note should come from WH.

What was his opinion of the call? Was he irritated?


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1546 | Registered: Jun 2012
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. You saved me from making a huge mistake!!

I met her and her boyfriend. H, kids and I helped them move. I agree, I don't want them to think I'm crazy. No doubt she will tell her bf.

Yes, he was irritated, but saying things like oh, they (her bf and their other friends) probably told her to call me. H also said they don't know he's not driniking anymore.

But, I'm going to check phone bill to see just how much H and her talked...

It just seemed shady, if that's his friend, the girl who called, why didn't he talk to her like a friend, instead of being irritated?? That's my question. He wasn't nice to her.

My whole body, mind, and heart are on code red alert!!!!!

Luckily I don't have to worry about internet stuff with him. He doesn't have a fb, doesn't know how to email, etc.

Wish me luck. Hopefully, I don't have another Dday...

I want so badly to contact HER bf and ask him if he knows she's calling my H or that she would call him all the time before Dday in November. I suspect an EA at the least. My H very personable, friendly, and likeable. Sadly, I would not be surprised if they slept together. It would just be another one...

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 11:56 AM, May 15th (Wednesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
stupidgurl
♀ Member
Member # 36763
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to either block her or hang up on her when she calls, or tell her not to call him anymore.


me WW/BW-31
him BH/WH- 31

2002/3 (him) EA

PA(me)-Nov 2007

Tog. 14 yrs, Marr. 13 and counting!

R'd


Posts: 141 | Registered: Sep 2012
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I quit drinking regularly it took awhile for other people to accept that. In some cases it was taken as a challenge, with people just pouring shots to put in front of me. It pissed me off sometimes and I got short and cut it off as quick as I could just to keep it from going further.

Dunno if that is what is going on there, but it sounds like the kind of stupid shit people do with drunk dialing. IMO you should talk to your H about it if it is bothering you but don't contact those people. They aren't your friends, so it's not likely you'll get much help from anyone there.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 9

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