It has been such a strange limbo to have to live these past two weeks. He has been professing love and devotion but don't know what to think. Have been feeling a roller coaster of pain and detachment and sadness. Don't feel like I really know him only the idea of a person. I think he really doesn't know himself, has said that he doesn't think he said the things on the recorder (I love you, I know how you can make me feel better).
I am afraid though, that he has decided to be all love and devotion to me because she told him to take a hike. I don't want her sloppy seconds. How can I figure out this? He told me one thing when I pushed, that he threw out his secret, by the minutes phone the morning after I played the recording for him. I am afraid that it was after he called her and she said she didn't want him. How can I believe that he wants a life with only me now after he has been back and forth with her for over a decade now and that he made this decision himself, choosing me over her, not that I was what was left for him to choose? Is there any hope that he will become a person, through therapy that I can trust wants only me? I have had one session with IC and she told me I can never trust him, that he will never tell me truths. His last psychiatrist from the second time told him that he can change, that he can learn new responses, ways to deal with life and not lie. Which is truth?
I am so apprehensive about what he will reveal after this psych visit. Mostly apprehensive about TT and outright lies that he has had these two weeks to formulate. Looking for strength.
Is there any chance that there really was no physical contact?
I always wish there was but, honestly, probably not.
My husband claimed no sex both times. He admitted to it after a week of discussion the first time. The second time, he finally admitted it 6 months later after he had held my chin and had me look him straight in the eye while he swore there was no sex. My husband has a guilty conscience. If he didn't, he'd never have told me. If your husband has been able to lie and hold it in, I'd bet he's never giving up the truth without evidence on your part. I'd get STD testing to be on the safe side. HPV was my parting gift from the first affair.
20 yrs. old, single, naive, thoughtless, but not deliberately hurtful.
OW#2 05/2010- 07/2010
44 yrs.old, married bitch in heat who acted like a whore and got treated like one.
If you are having the same issue, you are still being gas lighted. You'll know you have as much truth as you need when your head lets you move forward. It won't as long as it doesn't make sense.