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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Peering at the abyss- what now?
Brokenhearted49
♀ New Member
Member # 39243
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it's sickening to me to run through all the details, but long story short...together for 25 yrs, married for 22, 4 kids , 2 stepsons and a son and daughter, all over 19. never, never, never, never in a trillion years did I think he would cheat on me. D-day was May 7, 2013. he called me on the way to work and confessed and begged my forgiveness. he had had an A with my best friend who is also my daughters godmother which had ended 2 years ago. he felt he needed to tell me because he had been trying to stay away from her but she was emotionally blackmailing him. He actually came to hate her because she ended up trying to controll him after the A ended. She was constantly criticizing me behind my back but pretending to be my friend. He finally pulled a David Letterman and told her he was going to tell me and to never contact our family again.

I am seeing a counselor and trying not to blame myself for not satisfying him and causing him to stray. I also am struggling with fantasies about telling the OW's husband or hurting her in some way (not physically, of course). This woman is such a narcissist that ignoring her as if she dropped off the face of the earth is the worst thing I could do. I'm sure her husband will eventually wonder why he doesnt see my family anymore, but I'm sure she'll tell him more lies. she's probably already having another A with someone else. Her husband had caught her years ago in a multi-year A.

so, here I am with a remorseful husband, trying to figure out if I'll ever be able to get over this betrayal. I feel like the worlds biggest idiot. My stomach feels like its a big knot and I can't sleep. Please tell me it gets better ?


Me: 50
Him: 57
Together 26 yrs, married 23 yrs
2 stepsons ( which I've helped raise) 29 & 28 and our son , 21 and daughter 19
OW was daughters Godmother and my Best Friend and has NPD (severe case)
DDay: 5/7/13
Reconciling

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Medway, MA
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have anything to say-but someone will soon. I just want to lwt you know you're heard.
((Brokenhearted49))


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 696 | Registered: Sep 2009
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, yes-it gets better it does. It really does.


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 696 | Registered: Sep 2009
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for you. Welcome to the club no one wants to be in.
However, this is a wonderful place to vent.

I think you should tell her H. One member put it to me like this. You never know what is going on in their M. The BS has the right to know and decide what to do with that information. You never know if that information is the last straw for them. Or if it is the validation they need for something they already suspect.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Brokenhearted49
♀ New Member
Member # 39243
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks hopeful, I actually know for fact that he would divorce her if he found out. He told her the first time he caught her that he wouldn't put up with it again. She is an executive and makes 7 figures. He has been a stay at home dad and takes care of their handicapped 11year old adopted son. The most important things to her is her job and her Amex card. She has npd


Me: 50
Him: 57
Together 26 yrs, married 23 yrs
2 stepsons ( which I've helped raise) 29 & 28 and our son , 21 and daughter 19
OW was daughters Godmother and my Best Friend and has NPD (severe case)
DDay: 5/7/13
Reconciling

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Medway, MA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome

This is tough, I am sorry you are here.

I do question your husbands honesty with his confession...I get a hmmmm there is more to it feeling. Is your gut telling you there is more?

You just found out a week ago, so be prepared for a roller-coaster. The feelings will swing high low and everything in between. It's hard to just get through some days.

I am seeing a counselor and trying not to blame myself for not satisfying him and causing him to stray

Therapy is great, blaming yourself, not so much. This is his fault, not yours, ALL on him. He should get into therapy to find out why he would allow himself to have an affair to begin with.

My husbands affair was with my friend as well, so I understand the special kind of hell it creates. I do think you should tell her husband. He deserves to decide the fate of his life knowing the truth. I would think you would want the same if the shoe were on the other foot.

Take things slow, know you are NOT an idiot and we are here if you want to talk.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Brokenhearted49
♀ New Member
Member # 39243
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe in karma and forces of the universe will eventually catch up with her. Her husband is probably cheating on her as well, so in a way, they deserve each other. I am trying to take the high road, but am also taking pleasure knowing that she's sweating bullets not knowing if I will tell her H....we live in a very small town and inevitably I will run into him at some point. She has to constantly be looking over her shoulder. My H told her that if she tried contacting our family that he would not only tell her H, that he would volunteer to be his star witness against her in his divorce...


Me: 50
Him: 57
Together 26 yrs, married 23 yrs
2 stepsons ( which I've helped raise) 29 & 28 and our son , 21 and daughter 19
OW was daughters Godmother and my Best Friend and has NPD (severe case)
DDay: 5/7/13
Reconciling

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Medway, MA
Brokenhearted49
♀ New Member
Member # 39243
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, karma. Yes, I thought thevsamebthing....why now? I askedhimif she had blackmailed him in some way and that's why he told e,but he swears up and down that it's because he wanted to come clean and rebuild our relationship. He is very religious and he did confession and told me his priest gave him penance so maybe his penance was to come clean? I'm hoping through mc which were starting in 2 weeks I'll get to the truth. You make a good point and I will definitely be suspicious. I already feel manipulated enough. If he's "spinning" this, I'll really be pissed.


Me: 50
Him: 57
Together 26 yrs, married 23 yrs
2 stepsons ( which I've helped raise) 29 & 28 and our son , 21 and daughter 19
OW was daughters Godmother and my Best Friend and has NPD (severe case)
DDay: 5/7/13
Reconciling

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Medway, MA
Topic Posts: 8

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