[This message edited by savvy at 9:49 AM, May 16th (Thursday)]
I am a year out from XSO following his heart into the sunset with OW.
I still battle the fears. I don't know if they will ever go away completely.
I use the metaphor 'how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." and take things one little bite at a time..it helps after awhile the elephant doesn't seem so large anymore.
A paradox surrounds me because I have fear of no one else ever caring about me or wanting to be a couple with me, but I am repulsed when I see couples or romantic things now.
Ironically, being independent does have its charm, but I've always felt I was born to be a married person with family of my own. Well, I have the kids but am thrust into single parenting while Perv lives in lala land with OW.
Yes, I have family too but they've always caused more agony than help and we do better with space-in different countries!
People already ask if I'm going to date or interested. You know, I see that men are out there and I even see some look at me, but it leaves me feeling very ...neutral. And opening myself up to that ever again just doesn't feel good right now.
Thanks for this post. It's things I think of everyday...is anyone "real" out there for me? Do I have anything to offer or was Perv right?"
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge
Here are my suggestions--
1) Pick something that scares you, something small, and then go do it. Tomorrow pick something a little bit bigger. As you achieve by yourself, you'll learn to believe in yourself.
2) Look around you at the strong and independent women you know (and there are many here on SI). Each one of them is just as human as you are yet they've kept body and soul together and are actually pretty happy doing it. Think of them when you start getting scared.
This week my car battery died and even if my husband had been home I knew I would be the one to fix it due to his health issues. I've never replaced a car battery but you know what?--millions of people have and I'm just as smart and capable as they are. So I bought the new battery, Googled how to change it, got the tools out and did it. I survived and the car didn't blow up and any day I can say those two things is a good day. Maybe you don't need a new car battery but there's something in your life that needs fixing. Find it and fix it. You're just as smart and capable as anyone else and you can do anything you set your mind to.
I think PeaceLove is right on target.
Also, I understand the feelings you have about coming home after a stressful day and there's no one to hold you or what not. Might I suggest a pet? I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my dog. I love my kids, but they're way too younug to know about what is going on with me and their father so I take my dog out and I literally talk to her during our walks....yes, I get stares but then I wear my bluetooth and people think I'm on the phone! ha! I can cuddle my dog, vent to her, kiss her and she just loves me.
I hope you find something that gives you some peace. You deserve it. (((savvy)))
presently working towards...well i don't know anymore...