About 10 months after our divorce (which was 4 years after D-day), I had one of those forgiveness releases. I had an overwhelming urge to tell ex I forgave him, so I wrote a very brief email. I thanked him for all the good things I knew to be true in our marriage, and wished him all he wished for himself. He was free.. I was free. It felt great! The monkey of pain jumped off me.
I honestly did not expect, or want a response from ex. I recognized I wrote that email of forgiveness for me. And I heard nothing from ex for 2 months ... and then, a few days after the 1 year divorce anniversary date, ex filed with the court for a divorce do-over. It was nutso, and costly. I can't even go there in my mind. The words "phucking idot" keep popping up. Gahhhh....!
After that I took on a different attitude towards ex. I feel now that the man I loved, spent 20+ years with, and had kids with, has died. This thing that looks like my ex, is just a bad copy. Kind of like the roach-man Edgar in the movie "Men In Black". I illogic that an alien is now inhabiting my ex husbands' body. He is NOT my friend. He does not care about me, or appear to care for our children. I see no evidence that he has any memory of our two decades together. The whole thing beyond my comprehension. I do not know how it is possible for a human who seemed so wonderful, so kind, caring and compassionate, to be as ex is now. To help me cope, I think of my ex as the before person, and the after person.
I have nothing to forgive this new ex. I am simply thankful this alien did not inhabit him when we were married!