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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 10
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

defiled,
I'm with B444.

police report/reaction.period.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2384 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

defiled, 444 hit it. If the threats were to coerce sex, you've got rape charges. If the threats were to keep her silent, you've got harassment at the least with an instant RO. Watch the reaction.

Pretty easy to intimidate a woman. POS


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2063 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys for the responses. I kind of knew I wasn't giving a lot of info there. The reseaon he's protected is because he's in law enforcement. And RO would be filed by his buddies, smallish community means this also blows the lid to EVERYONE. He loses that job, and I have evidence that would cause him to lose a second job. Not smart to have an A on the clock and leave evidence...moron! You can see this escalates the siutation quickley. On top of that she will lose her job as well, I don't think losing half our income would not be real beneficial to the family. We've already done the NC letter, and I discussed the possibility of gathering some evidence first, she was hesitant, but ultimatley I decided I wanted the NC done now and didn't want to wait. Her reaction was because of the reasons I just stated.
After my intial WTF, Im going to kill this guy, I started to actually think about it and figured hes probably just a coward and using scare tactics to keep her quiet. Obviously, once he said it the second time he was making sure she heard him the first time, because the first time she didnt really say anything, she was surprised and just changed the subject.
Your right though Betrayed444, it took hearing from someone else that I don't really have any reason to believe her, and I need to keep that in mind. However the A was basically over for months before the guilt got her and she came clean, otherwise she would have gotten away with the PA. And I've been able to come up with quite a bit of evidence to support what shes told me. Besides a little trickle truth she has been fairly honest, and answered some really difficult and intricate questioning designed to trip her up from me. She is trying real hard for R, thats probably why I want to believe her.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 424 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Besides a little trickle truth she has been fairly honest

your ddays are 3 years apart bro. I would not let her off the hook so easy.

I know well the BS fog-you're trying to grasp at wisps of what you thought was your reality/marriage. Grieve it-let it die. It was never what you thought it was.

before you get pulled into concerns about her; what about you? have you stopped to consider yourself in this equation? I did exactly this in the beginning - all about her and the M - little or no thought went into ME. Stick around a while and read a few of the past BM posts/threads. You'll see a common vein - in that WW's are extremely selfish and centered around self preservation. I would not take anything she says about OM as being truthful right now.

She might be trying to cast you into a KISA role or just fend you off from finding out more about her secrets. By all means, be careful and take precautions but remember one thing if you take anything away from my post; she is NOT.ON.YOUR.SIDE.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Basically she's "confused" and now is in love with her boss. No kids for us (thank god), I'm 31 years old, and trying to find the balls to move on with my life.

You have the answer in your question bro. No kids!! dude, I'd be running before there is a 'slip up' and you're left in this situation and a probable kid (whose) on the way. Run bro, run.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However the A was basically over for months before the guilt got her and she came clean

How can you be certain this was not done to fend off a possibility that OM threatened exposure to you or maybe someone else found out and might expose to the OBS? I would really start looking at everything she says from all angles. If you expose to the OBS and you know and maybe a few others in the community ; I would suspect that OM would be more concerned if something *were* to happen to your WS, KWIM?

I dont know everything but if I were to suggest anything it would be to test her, as others have recommended; see her reaction to you suggesting nuclear exposure on this thing. (Nuclear exposure is when the entire community; friends, neighbours, co-workers, family etc.. etc.. are informed about the A).

She is trying real hard for R, thats probably why I want to believe her.

remember those words, you 'want' to believe her. There is an easier way though, as we say here on SI. Actions not words. You will see the truth and sincerity in her ACTIONS not in her words. Head to the wayward forum to find out how even the best/most remorseful WS's once were adept at lying deceit and false R's and would do anything to keep their fantasy bubbles from popping. Its too close to your recent DDay to believe your WS just "got it" instantly.

Just my 2 cents.

I wish you peace.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DR
Never ever ever believe WW. Most, not all WW's ever just come clean. Especially when it comes to guilt. They knew what they were doing. They wanted to do what they were doing. Something went awry. Perhaps someone else found out that is pretty close to you and the lid was about to be blown off.
It wasn't OM. Perhaps OM's BS? I don't recall reading if he was married or not.
Police officers are amongst the easiest OM's to deal with. Trust me on this.
Police Officers are held to a higher standard. It is a huge misconception that they are above the law and pose a risk to you if you expose misconduct. Actually the opposite is true.
They have internal affairs and an entire chain of command to answer to. That chain of command does not tolerate conduct unbecoming of an officer at ANY time let alone ON DUTY. That is a cardinal sin. That is newspaper exposure. That is grounds for a potential suit. That is terms for dismissal.
First thing you do is file a WRITTEN complaint. In that letter you may want to specify that you may file criminal harassment charges. Include time and dates however it doesn't matter if you don't have this, most agencies have GPS on the vehicles and can hunt this down. Explain the devastation inflicted upon your family and how you were nervous to file and why. No agency wants to discover an officer is banging a married woman on duty.
You have the power. This officer will be shitting bricks. There is absolutely no risk of retaliation. Include your desire to contact the mayor or any other city official.
There is a saying in law enforcement and it is true.
" the badge will get you pussy but pussy will get the badge".
As I said before , gauge your wifes reaction, I'm betting she tries to deter you and protects him. If what she said is true she should assist you. Good luck.
In closing, when it comes to NC, his dept will be crawling so far up his ass hell take to your WW after that like Dracula takes to holy water.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 9:50 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's a break from the monotony
Anyone have any good cheat songs?
I will include 3
DDay. Great tune. I only found the live acoustic but the lyrics are spot on
http://youtu.be/THK4an_jb5g

After DDay I hope the fuck was worth it because I'm better in every way. How a guy feels at DDay.
http://youtu.be/DYKoJBbk8DE

After. About a girl that cheats then regrets when her man does a 180 and does better. He pitied her. Listen to the words.
http://youtu.be/yF-s7Qxyi8o

I couldn't post hyper links so copy and paste. Worth it. All songs are gold

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 10:50 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DR, carry a VAR with you at all times and save any and all correspondence. Cops are people and therefore subject to the same virtues and failures as the rest of us. You have no idea what you will go into if you set these things in motion - hopefully things will go as 444 describes but it's good to hope for the best while you prepare for the worst.

Like the others said, don't trust anything your wife says right now, not until she's shown herself trustworthy to some degree. You're likely to be getting more big reveals before this is done so prepare yourself mentally for that stuff too.

This all sucks, no way around it. Get safe.


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.

Posts: 7101 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If the threats were to coerce sex, you've got rape charges. If the threats were to keep her silent, you've got harassment at the least with an instant RO. Watch the reaction.

My wife told me something similar. Basically, that her AP used the threat of calling me and exposing some of the naughty cell phone pics that they exchanged to blackmail her into continuing their sexual relationship for many months after she tried to end it. She then claims that her new strategy was to piss him off and make him want to break it off.

Of course, as is often the case with WWs, her story doesn't add up. The last time they were together was Valentine's Day. I remember the day well. My wife came to my office for a very early lunch (about 11:00 a.m.), then made up some excuse why she had to rush off around 12:30 a.m. I remember that she was dressed nicely and looked great that day. And that she was in a great mood when she left my office. Of course, she was leaving to meet her lover for a nooner at his place. Her actions and attitude that day don't square with the picture she tried to paint of being trapped in a relationship she desperately wanted to be rid of.

Assume that half of what WWs say - even remorseful ones - is bullshit. Lying, minimizing, and gaslighting become a way of life for them, and are difficult habits to break.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1025 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The last time they were together was Valentine's

One thing I've learned.
You want to know if your spouse is cheating? Pay attention on Valentines day.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing I've learned.
You want to know if your spouse is cheating? Pay attention on Valentines day.

Sure, it's probably the only day that the POSOM spend at least $50 on our wives. They have such a nice arrangement - all the pussy, none of the bills.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1025 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
LonelyHusband
♂ Member
Member # 34145
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well they are able to save up for it, because they don't have to pay for fucking therapy.


BS ( me) 41
fWS (OktoberMest) 35
D day #1 29/10/2011, D day #2 15/112011, D day #3 15/03/2012
Reconciling.
Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, is inadequate consolation when you vacuum up a child's hamster'

Posts: 1279 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sure, it's probably the only day that the POSOM spend at least $50 on our wives. They have such a nice arrangement - all the pussy, none of the bills.

LOL
Shit! They aren't spending a dime. We're paying all the bills and putting up with their nonsense while our WW's are giving them the buffet.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well they are able to save up for it, because they don't have to pay for fucking therapy

yeah, they get 'therapeutic fucking' while BHs get to play therapist (....hmmm 'the'rapist') and figure out all the reasons things didnt go so well in the M which obviously led to her A.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, the AP got the best deal - milking the cow through the fence. Our spouses were free hookers so that they could get their jollies off. Hell, most of the stuff my wife did would of cost him a fortune to pay a pro. That's just the facts. They got the better deal and that's not going to change is it? My wife gave him everything I worked my ass off for free. Hell, she made a lot of men happy - probably more than a dozen, and lots more thought they had a chance. When a beautiful woman is on Ashley Madison offering herself up for free, and isn't a real hooker, guys on that site swarm on them like flies on shit. Not a damn thing I can do about it. I can dwell on it and end up sucking the barrel of .357, or get to a point where I don't think about it every 5 or 10 minutes. Almost a year and a half out, and I'm getting to a point where I realize that I can't change what happened. Not to say that there isn't damage done, but the tsunami struck. I've got to rebuild. If the damage to the foundations from the storm are too much, then I get a free pass to build the new one where ever I want, when ever I want. I just have to leave the old house first. Infidelity sucks plain and simple. Either walk or reconcile. Pick a path and commit to it - waffling sucks. You can always change your mind later.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3301 | Registered: Dec 2011
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing I do know.
It works both ways
WW tend to end up with OM's who are bottom of the barrel slime bags.
Neither have much in the ways of ethics,morals, or integrity. They have sub standard coping skills and utilize lies and deception. They have no remorse. No problem solving skills and when stuck in a corner they will lash out. They took advantage of your love and used it as camoflage to conceal their activities.

BS's on the other hand have it better should we decide to walk. We have our honor,loyalty, and integrity in tact. Against all odds we try to make it work. Hold our families together and forgive. We expose ourselves to pain everyday bearing the burdens of our "partners" mistake. Our conscious is clear. We are like tempered steel exposed to fire and hammer.
Should we walk I am confidant that we would do so much better. Our story would win the adulations of so many good women out there.
Lets face it... Our women were broken from the start. WE made the mistake of choosing them for whatever reason. That is the only fault I will accept.
A woman said to me the other day, I shit you not
"I would have treated you like a god"
Seriously I was blown the fuck away.
Others have said things to that effect also.
Their are TONS of better girls out there to live laugh,and love with.
Normal healthy women to drink wine or whatever with and fuck all night.
Not this nightmare shit. These walking horror zombie movie chicks that we love.
Yes , zombies, they consume your heart and brain.
Do it for the children
Do we really want them around our children?
I guess what I'm saying is god bless us for giving them a chance although they don't deserve it.
I suspect though we are just hoping the fairy tale comes back. That is what we are in love with. Not the slut she turned into. Trying on another mans dick while we're at home with the kids clueless.
I remember one text I got while she was sucking some guys dick
"Don't worry, out with friends, be home before you go to work in the morning"
No gentlemen. Should we ever decide enough is enough I am confidant we will be rewarded for this trial we never volunteer for.
I believe that sometimes were so complacent that fate or destiny firmly applies a boot to our ass until we get the message that we are meant for better and it's time to move on.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 6:40 PM, May 18th (Saturday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
bluewater
♂ Member
Member # 9297
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you get over the fact the OP may have been better in bed?

This was copied from the General Forum.

So did anyone's WW say/admit that their OP was better in bed?

And how do you get over hearing her say that?

[This message edited by bluewater at 7:22 PM, May 18th (Saturday)]


Posts: 485 | Registered: Jan 2006
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you get over the fact the OP may have been better in bed?

First off you have to realize they weren't better in bed. It is a ploy to hurt you. Put you on the defensive. Manipulate you into feeling as sub standard as they do and coerce you into trying harder. It is one of their nuclear options to put you back on your heels. You buy it and it is a win win for them.
The sex sucked. Anyone that said they enjoyed it while engaging in such a deceptive manner is full of shit. Ever wonder why they throw each other under the bus so quick. It is nasty, and dirty. Haphazard and hurried between two broken people.
It is a compromise between two people with no boundaries or self esteem with zero standards.
Even if your a thoroughbred, and many are, it still happens and usually with the opposite of what you would expect with.
Don't buy it bro. That's some cold hearted shit.
Mine said that "he fit"
A great comeback someone here lent me was that my size is at least average to above average with shows she has an inordinately cavernous vagina, and it is.
It did bother me. I asked some girls I had a history with because I can. They said I was perfect to amazing to beautiful. Serious. I ate it up.
She's got the problem bro. Not you. She's trying to transfer balance

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 1:04 AM, May 19th (Sunday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bluewater, you've been here a long time mate. You signed up seven years ago. Not sure if you've lurked a lot, or just came back because something was bothering you, but the fact is the AP could have been better that us. I have no illusions that I'm the studliest dude on this planet. My wife searched and found the best stud she could find - he could fuck her for a half hour with no problem, their sessions lasted over an hour every time. It was porn star sex - all the cliches, he'd go down on her, she'd go down on him, they would fuck, then she's suck his dick and swallow every single time. Plus bondage, toys, videos, web cams, you name it. I can't compete with that shit - I have a job and family to take care of. So what if I'm not the best fuck she's ever had - it's not my loss. If a woman ever looked at my dick and said "who are you going to please with that" my answer is always "me". I try not to think to hard about it because it kills me if I do. I know that I'll never be the "best" at anything - no gold medals are hanging in my house. But I'm honest, loyal to a fault, caring, and a good provider. I've done my best for my family, with no expectation of reward (actually, I did hope my wife would be faithful, but damn, I'm an idealist). I guess it comes down to does it matter? It's a suck ass situation that we even have to think about it, but in the end, if hot porn star sex is the penultimate goal in their lives and we don't fill the bill, let them go have it. To be honest, I've had sex with a lot of women, just not in the past 16 years. I chose to be monogamous because I wanted to have a family, I loved my wife, and questing after the best fuck ever was just bullshit. So what if I met some chick that sucked my dick so good that I had to pull my t-shirt out of my ass after she was done - there are still 22 hours in the day we have to fill together. 15 if you count sleeping. That's the money spot - what you do in those hours every single day that don't involve hot monkey sex. I just think that you'll kill yourself comparing, I know I've done it, and still do. In the end though, it won't be the last thing in my life that I'm not the best at. But on my list of things that matter, being the best fuck isn't near the top any more.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

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