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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 10
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it wasn't consensual and you said no before passing out then well call the Police.
She said she was irresponsible and didn't need anymore trouble.

I hate to say it but I don't think thats called rape my friend. I think that's called lying about what really happened.

Betrayed444, that girl causes you serious drama. I hope you are able to work through all that and come out on top with the least amount of scars as possible.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

greg & longgone:
Sounds like you two have a couple of red shirt ER's on your hands. Reminds me of the zombie apocalypse joke...

How do you survive a zombie acopalypse? Have a fat friend.

Guess you can take comfort in that.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 426 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, the uber fast guys could always talk the ER's into a long walk in the woods and hope they come across a bear. As you know, you don't have to outrun the bear, just the slowest guy


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

444, it's amazing how much dignity they will give up in the pursuit of self esteem, or whatever the fuck it is they are seeking. I will never forget the look on her face when I assured her that he was talking about it, and that she could be sure that what he was saying was not flattering. Nothing more than a piece of ass to brag about.

LG, the one thing that concerns me about starting more extensive steady rate cardio is a loss of muscle mass. I basically want to get up a 10k just as a feather in my cap (for myself -- confirmation of what I can do at my age).

However, it doesn't really fit into my long rage fitness goals. Right now I want to reduce my body fat down to maybe 15% or so and then add weight back -- thin trim the fat again.

I actually enjoy being a bigger guy. Just need to be healthy big.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
greg888995
♂ Member
Member # 29244
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so true. And whereas I would barely amount to an appetizer for a hungry bear, OM could feed several...

Although, in all seriousness, FWW once said in MC that one of her issues leading up to the A was that at the time I weighed less than she did (she's always had self esteem issues regarding her weight, is a recovering anorexic, etc) and OM was much heavier than she or I (made her feel better about herself).

[This message edited by greg888995 at 1:33 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Me - BH (47)
Her - FWW (46)
Married 17 years
Together 19 years
3 kids
DDay #1 - 12/8/09 (EA)
DDay #2 - 12/18/09 (PA)
A ended - 2/21/10
R'ed - 2/19/11

Posts: 540 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Metro DC
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you won't lose muscle mass training for a 10K.....very little...might be a nice switch up


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 753 | Registered: Jun 2011
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dude...you must be blistering in a mary...

just for fun....how much does the OM weigh about?

[This message edited by Long Gone at 1:42 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 753 | Registered: Jun 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

444 Does she get any of this? TT is a killer brother. Even though we already "know", there's still a faint hope.

How is she reconciling all this with her newfound faith? Please don't tell me she's using the "God forgives me" line. First sign you're gonna be in the front row for a repeat performance.

Wert,

In recent pages I have been referred to as a 'vet' and used in the same sentence and WAL, SG, etc. I am 1.5 years out from d-day. I ain't no vet. I struggle daily with resentment, fear and pain. My internal dialog has improved massively. Introspection has defined me for the last year or so. I am not being self deprecating, but instead honest, in saying that their are many moments when I want to run, hide and give up. The struggle is never over.

IMHO, every one here is a "vet". We've all been at the sharp end and survived. Now the question becomes, how will that survival look? A lot of that will be determined by how much we are able to learn from others here with a different set of knowledge than we are able to provide on our own. Even a noob (I consider myself one and I'm not too far behind you) can and does contribute to the knowledge base. Only a fool would refuse to learn because "he hasn't been here long enough".

Recovery rates differ. You made a statement about being introspective for about a year, hell, it took almost a year before I could be introspective about much more than my belly lint. I loved the

For me the truth of being a BH is realizing that my W, while a part of the equation, is not the answer.

for it's elegant simplicity. It finally put FWW on the left hand side. I was still trying to fit her on the right. Thank you. Keep it up.

BTW It's my B-day today. Beer's on me. How ironic, not? Every year I get to be reminded that I was born on the original D-day. Lol

Strength to all

ETA Shit, diet pop and water for all you fitness guru's out there

[This message edited by 5454real at 1:50 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Angry  Posted: 1:51 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LG, quit taking my excuses away

I also have a Spartan race in October I have my eye on just for kicks. Although IDK, look like an injury waiting to happen. I am enjoying exercise too much to get sidelined due to spraining an ankle in the mud.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW It's my B-day today. Beer's on me.

I'm going to hold you to that

Happy Bday!!


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


How is she reconciling all this with her newfound faith? Please don't tell me she's using the "God forgives me" line. First sign you're gonna be in the front row for a repeat performance.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 545!
No she doesn't get it. I did this to her. Here is her newfound faith in Christ.
Her text
I have been kicked out of the house by you and the courts, been arrested, on probation and still face prison. Going to counseling at two different places and have a protective order still against me that will probably never get dropped. You have had me punished enough. I suppose not. I've have asked for forgiveness from you and from God. I am now letting it all go. I can't change the past and I can't fix anything. You have to move on too. You DON'T love me, you only seek revenge and have too much anger inside of you. I don't know what else to say. Your goal in life is to keep pushing me down. Stop pushing me down and walk away. If you can't accept the responsibility of the fact this came about because we both screwed up in the way we lived andI can't help you. I have decided that from January 1st and on I have devoted myself and my life to Christ. You're welcome to join me but my life no longer includes alcohol, promiscuity or drugs. I would like nothing more than to have a new beginning with you and to be a couple in Christ and that is why I read scripture everyday and meditate and pray for it. I don't think you want the same thing. We've both been through a lot of pain and hopefully one day it will be gone. I love you and always will. You will always be missed if your choice is to go separate ways. XO
I've had enough. Good bye and have a nice life since you only listen to trash you read online. Go find someone else to love. I refuse to let you make me feel the way you have made me feel for 13 years. You want to blame me for everything and exonerate yourself? Good. Hope that works for you. See Ya
My life has started over with or without you. Pick a side and stick with it. I don't have time for arguments with you that never lead to a solution. You just like the drama and being this poor victim. It's in the past. Good luck with whatever you decide. I've said all I have to say from now on.
If I had just one wish it would be to have at least one more happy and joyful day with you and the boys.

I haven't responded. I haven't fed into it. Of course she lied. She blames too much alcohol but the premeditation gives it away. Big fight. Leaves for two days. Uses the kids money to buy dress, bras, panties. Hides car. He picks her up and she spends the night however her retort is she had turned him down so many times before and afterwards. Yeah honey but he still fucked you. Guess you showed him.
Guys I know I gotta move on. WTF am I doing here? Why can't I just make a command decision and step out already?! I'm tired of this constant struggle.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guys I know I gotta move on. WTF am I doing here? Why can't I just make a command decision and step out already?! I'm tired of this constant struggle.

I think we all have to answer that question for ourselves at some point. I know for me I had a hard time letting go of what I thought I had as well as this feeling of staying because that's what a good guy would do. I've since abandon both of those in favor of a more self love perspective. I don't deserve the shit she put me through and she isn't remorseful in the least. Therefore it's time to take care of me and get myself back to being healthy. I can't do that with STBXWW so I have to do it on my own.

Sorry you find yourself there betrayed444. In your own time you'll figure out what it is you need and from there you'll know if that involves your WW or not. And when you make the right choice you'll be at peace with it, even if the shit storm is blazing around you, you'll know you are doing the right thing.

Much strength to you.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday 5454, hope you're having a great one!


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1028 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys.
Whadd'ya think? NO MA'AM G2G on the outer banks still up? Otherwise beer on the golf course from 3 til dark. Yea, I'll watch it, moderation right?
It's about all I've got left for athleticism outside of swimming. Played college football on a full ride. Not much left that doesn't hurt. Both knee's shot, rt shoulder's got arthritis. It sux getting old from the purely physical standpoint.

444 You're gonna know when it's time. All you posts seem to me to indicate that you're still scouting the new terrain. Not much to recommend it yet, but there's still that last hill to take a recon team over. Plain English, she's making changes. Are they good enough? Nope, not yet. If you are so inclined, have a true, non-volatile sit down with her and give her a full list of your expectations. Then 180 til the smoke clears and you see if she's a person you want to be with.
I'll admit, scary text.
Strength


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Later-
I also have a Spartan race in October I have my eye on just for kicks. Although IDK, look like an injury waiting to happen. I am enjoying exercise too much to get sidelined due to spraining an ankle in the mud.

I did the Super Spartan back in October, I'm doing another Super in July and a Beast in October. They're really fun, but the risk of injury is no joke. I saw more than a few people eat some serious shit out there over the course of 9+ miles.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Whatevs
♂ New Member
Member # 38850
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to interject a new topic, but my head is spinning a bit today.

Attended my son's 5th grade graduation today. My wife was thoughtful enough to choose an AP (for her escapades of a couple months ago) that has a daughter in my son's grade. We went separately to the ceremony (today is WW's Bday as well, btw)and I recognized him from his Linkedin photo the second I walked into the crowd. I walked directly to him, tapped him on the back and had the following convo:

Me: "You and I are going to have a talk"

Him: "I'm sorry, you are?"

Me: my name

Him: "Oh" nods, turns his back and starts texting.

Me: "I just want us to know each other for the next time I run into you at a more appropriate place." Move to other side of crowd where I can take turns glaring at him and my W, who is about 50 ft from him. Thought really hard about a scene of 500 elementary school students screaming in horror as one father takes out months of pent up frustration on another. Left early.

So,he emails my wife:

"Your husband approached me at the graduation and said "we need to talk"

I said "who are you?"

I have nothing to say him. Nothing I want to hear from him. And, no intention of talking to him. Nothing good will come of it."

Now the W is on a rampage about me starting shit. This is not going to be pretty. How can I explain the need to "work things out" with the POSOM to my wife w/o totally sabotaging the R? (work things out is open to interpretation)


Posts: 12 | Registered: Mar 2013
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

444, congrats on not responding. I don't think you should. At all.

BTW, it's easier for me to give that advice than for me to implement it in my own life.

But, there is no amount of talking, arguing or beating our heads against a wall that will change what they did. It's a fact of life, and I sometimes think I lose track of that personally.

The only decision is whather to keep her. IMO, that route would be extremely difficult even with a truly remorseful WW. One that understands that she does not get to get to dictate the terms of recovery and reconciliation.

If one is not remorseful, there is no chance IMO. What you are going to get is more of the same that you got in the e-mail.

Of course it's hard letting go. The finality of it is a bitch.

But what is it that you are really letting go of? A wish that none of this ever happened? The fantasy of a life that could have been?

(I am speaking to myself too)

That's where I find myself.



Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now the W is on a rampage about me starting shit. This is not going to be pretty. How can I explain the need to "work things out" with the POSOM to my wife w/o totally sabotaging the R?

Completely understand the need to "work things out" with the OM. I will ask you this... are the potential legal, criminal, and financial consequences worth it to you if it escalates? How would that impact your kid(s)?

And also, are you sure you are in R? If the OM is still in contact with your wife it sounds like she is still very much involved in the A at some level. I'd be questioning my wife as to why she still communicates with the OM.

Tread lightly my friend. I'd hate to see you become the "bad guy" from all this.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Sad  Posted: 2:46 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatevs -- I don't think you can explain it to her. She likely just wants it to go away.

The last thing she wants is you talking to him.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
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