Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Sassafras (43148)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 10
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the hell is TT? I would have thought total transparency but that doesn't seem to fit the context.

Does anyone else fear that if they spoon feed the WW on what R should look like she will simply learn to fake it and manipulate better?

[This message edited by Later at 2:57 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thinking,
Ultimately, IC is likely in the future of my WW with or without me in her life.

And that's a good thing. In my opinion, until she gets herself fixed, MC isn't going to do you any good. After the A blows away the M, there are three things that need to be fixed: her, you, and the M. IC is for the first two, MC for the last. You sound like you are doing good working on you - but it takes two healthy people to fix the M know matter how much one of them tries. Remember the three C's - you didn't cause, you can't control it, and you can't change it. She needs to want to get healthy and do the work on her own to get there.

Later,

TT == Trickle Truth (there is a list of acronyms used on the site at the top of the General forum). Refers to the slow drip of lies that waywards do over time. Death by a thousand cuts - very effective marriage killer.

[This message edited by Tred at 2:59 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3284 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the hell is TT?

"Trickle truth". Where the truth is so painful, they trickle it out in small doses over time, usually only with a little coercion from the BH, who is able to put together inconsistencies in her story.

As in: "We were only together one time" becomes "We starting seeing each other last December" becomes "We've been having a torrid love affair involving vaginal and oral sex, whips and chains, and whi p cream for 2 years now, and we never used protection even once. We usually did it at our house, in our bed, when you were at work. By the way, I tested positive for herpes and I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby ...but I still love you and want to work on our marriage!"


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
M for almost 18 years
4 kids

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As in: "We were only together one time" becomes "We starting seeing each other last December" becomes "We've been having a torrid love affair involving vaginal and oral sex, whips and chains, and whi p cream for 2 years now, and we never used protection even once. We usually did it at our house, in our bed, when you were at work. By the way, I tested positive for herpes and I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby ...but I still love you and want to work on our marriage!"

Damn Sal, you should right romance novels for a living. Thats the stuff dreams are made of.

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 3:09 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 418 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i read somewhere that most WWs (excluding the 'former' ones here) had "already decided to leave the M

True story. They are so far in the fog they think they want to leave. Mine was cute and brought up mediation before dday. Their fuckin brain is fried. They seriously think that POS loser that's fucking her is some kind of Casanova saver of dreams because he positive mirrors everything she says to get a no strings attached easy fuck. He is the king of ass kissing. WW was ready to give up the house and kids for the slime ball. That's why you have to hit them hard. Bust them out of the fog. When they detach for a POS it's like a 180 on us. They take us for granted. You gotta correct that shit because I guarantee your much better. Get out and enjoy yourself, they will drop everything and start looking at you again.

Definitely their not-so-secret weapon. But doesn't it suck that even that is tainted now.

Only if it looks like a blue waffle
Google it
My WW has hardwood floors and its smooth as a baby. I haven't went for anyone else at this time so it's all I have
B444 - thanks. I did all my begging as she was detaching before I figured out what was going on. Since DDay, I've made it clear that I want to keep my family together, but I haven't broken down. I've gotten pretty damn upset at her, but no more begging, pleading, etc. I've been working on getting out more often, it's tough with three little(r) kids, especially when I have the "afternoon shift".

Dude that's a normal reaction. We're guys. We fix things. That's our territory and we fight for it. Typical first reaction before we slow down and develop tactics and strategy. We try to contain the fire at first before we sweep the house and clear it room to room. Assess the situation. Put together a plan.
Do I know for sure it went PA only at the end? Nope, that's all she's admitted to and all I have proof of. Her behavior changed so dramatically at the end that it seems likely, but who the hell knows

SSI
I absolutely don't believe it. What does your gut really say. Your gut is right. Of course you want to believe her and try to hold on to whatever angelic quality you can about her but she's been banging this dude for a long time. I would venture to say shortly after day one. This happens because it is often rushed. It is a crime of opportunity. And they want to reciprocate the emotional attention. Often I have seen they will fuck these OM's faster than when you dated her. Once an OM is on the hook they want to reel them in. You only know what they know you know. They are in control of this whole process. It is when you show them, and honestly mean it, that you are ready to cut the cord. Sorry to be bold but the situation is far worse than you know. She just got sloppy towards the end. She got too comfortable and was ready to trash your whole marriage. At no point did she say " I better not fuck him too much, BS will be upset. My WW said when the boundary was crossed she really didn't want it to go there but it did.
Don't ever change, B444. At the risk of getting my ass kicked by a former DI at jjct's NO MA'AM summit next year, I have to say: I love you, man. But only in the "Band-of-Brothers-we're-in-this-shit-together" way, of course. Let's have a beer.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I'm going through relationship boot camp right now. And bro you can say anything as long as you follow it up with "no homo!"
I look forward to having a beer with you anytime!

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 3:22 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And that's a good thing. In my opinion, until she gets herself fixed, MC isn't going to do you any good. After the A blows away the M, there are three things that need to be fixed: her, you, and the M. IC is for the first two, MC for the last. You sound like you are doing good working on you - but it takes two healthy people to fix the M know matter how much one of them tries. Remember the three C's - you didn't cause, you can't control it, and you can't change it. She needs to want to get healthy and do the work on her own to get there.

I totally agree. Question is how much are you willing to put up with waiting on that happen? Until recently, I was wound up so tight after D-day I was barely functioning. I would do ANYTHING to keep the M together. I do think I'm doing pretty good on myself. Some days are better than others. It has just been so hard to unlearn the patterns of behavior in our marriage. She was so very good at manipulating me and for awhile I was non-the-wiser. I know what she has to do now. I know what I won't tolerate any longer. I just feel that as long MC is making her examine the A in any way it is a good thing.


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just feel that as long MC is making her examine the A in any way it is a good thing.

I agree to a certain extent, thinking. If she's prone to rugsweeping, or has a "get over it, let's move on" attitude, then weekly MC sessions at least redirect her to addressing problems in the marriage, with the A being the biggest hurdle to overcome. A lot of that depends on the MC. Our first MC seemed to think that me getting over my anger and learning to cope with the betrayal was the biggest hurdle our marriage faced. The affair was treated almost like a side issue. He lasted only two weeks before I found a female MC who, inside of 5 minutes, told my wife that she betrayed not only me, but our children as well. That's when I knew we found a keeper.

ETA: I recommend a female MC when the wayward is the wife. I think our male MC didn't want to make it look like a couple of men were ganging up on a woman, so he treated her with kit gloves. Our current (female) MC is very compassionate and my wife adores her, but she has no problem telling it like it is.

But as helpful as MC is, I think that IC should be mandatory for her, and is highly advisable for you. There are some messed-up coping mechanisms, self-esteem issues, FOO issues (probably), and boundary problems that have to be addressed before the marriage can heal and you can feel somewhat safe again.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 3:39 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
M for almost 18 years
4 kids

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweet barbecued Jesus. This thread used to be *kind of* dead on the weekends, and now look at it. I can barely keep up...but I'm going to try. Get ready for a novella.
444-
When she told me she got drunk and ended up in OM's bed with no recollection it is totally plausible, I've seen her forget many times.

This makes the drinking/affair mix so tricky, especially when it comes to getting a proper timeline and/or details. There were times over the course of my relationship with my wife where she couldn't remember us having sex when she was drunk, and/or things said or talked about....so when she says that she can't remember certain things, it's tough. I know the hard line on here is that any "I Don't Knows" are just wayward deception, but when you've seen past evidence of that kind of impacted memory, the waters become murky.
stilllovingher-
I Prolly would've announced to everyone at the party the WW was now in the restroom helping people urinate, if anyone needed that sort of assistance
That, sir, is some funny shit.

I want to address two points: the "cardboard cutout" idea that noescape brought up, as well as this:

How many others can point to pre Dday behavior that is totally incongruent (at least if she had any integrity) -- her pushing for: a new baby, a new car, a new house, etc?
as brought up by Later, because I think the two go hand-in-hand.

One of the aspects of this whole sordid situation that upsets me the most is how were/I were turned into caricatures by our WWs. Persecutors who made our wives' lives living hells...and yet, they were still living with us, day-to-day, right? I mean, *some* of the things my WW was complaining about to POSER were dead-on, as far as my faults as a husband are concerned, and I won't deny that. But if you're going to complain to POSER (or really, anyone at all) about my flaws, then have the decency to relay the whole story. You want to tell them you think I don't care? Cool. Then explain why we went out on a romantic dinner just the other night. Want to "vent" to someone that I don't help enough around the house? Fine by me....just make sure you also relay that I do 90% of anything related to our son's education because little kids "make you uncomfortable." Tell the whole damn story.

And speaking of the word "vent." That word is starting to annoy me. One of our co-workers, my wife's 'friend', knew about the affair about 3 weeks before me. I asked why my wife would tell her...the answer? "I was just venting to someone." No. To me, 'venting' is where you are frustrated with a situation that your have no recourse to change, more or less. Boss is up your ass? Fine, that's venting, because getting another job is not as easy as all that. But discussing your affair with a friend? That's just fucking gossip. Call it what it is....because you could just change your behavior if you were *venting*.

You are exactly right, she desperatley wants to chalk this up to some great mistake. However, she can see clearly now and there is no need (according to her) to explore this any further. That would be counter productive, because she just wants to forget about this completely. She feels bad enough

This is what I worry about. While my wife has never explicitly said those words, I worry that the same general idea is there. I have no doubt that my wife can see what a complete idiot she was being during the affair, and feels bad about it, but of a greater concern to me is that I don't believe that she sees how important it is to fix the underlying thought processes and rationalizations that led her to that place.
This is one of the things that bothers me the most. For the most part my WW has raised herself above her upbringing. I always had so much pride...[shortened]..silly me! She's just as bad as the rest of them. How arrogant was I to think that because I came from a stable family that my example would be enough to stop the cycle of abuse and selfishness she grew up around. Again...silly me!

Same here. I always looked at my wife's FOO, especially her mom, and said, "Wow, how did she come out of this so normal?" Her mom jumped from one guy to another throughout the entirety of my wife's childhood (and the entire time I've known her), which would lead me to believe there was probably some cheating/"parachuting" going on. Her sister acted out in school and behaviorally, but my wife was always good in school, both with behavior and academics, always held down jobs in high school and was the first person in her family to graduate college. And for those things I was, and still am, proud of her. But she did take after her mom in other ways...she has a tendency to jump from one relationship to another. I think that they're both "in-love" addicts, to a degree...they idealize and hold romanticized notions regarding 'love' and relationships, and feel like they're putting 1000% into those relationships...so when inevitable problems arise, they feel like "it must not be meant to be", and automatically assume it's the other person's fault. Someone else comes along, the infatuation process takes over, and *boom* new relationship. But I think what my WW doesn't see is that she's ascribing different motivations to her mom's behavior than she is to her own...not realizing that her mom felt just as justified in her actions as my wife did of hers in our relationship. Not comparing the two as a whole, just in one aspect.
I told my wife at one point that since she'd used all of my failures to justify her A at some point, that I hoped she'd gottenn her money's worth -- because as of now, I have paid in full for all of those things. She was never allowed to bring them up again, because she had presented the bill and I had paid it.

This is one that I am holding onto in my pocket if the justifications eveeerrrrrrrr come out to play again. And as you've said before, this *is not* a stable relationship framework for the long term....but as a short term tactic while dealing with the A? Uh, yeah. Yes, please.
Fact is she didn't; cake eating at its finest. She wants you for the chores, bills and kids and fantasy cock for the shits and giggles.
One of the first things that came up during the first or second MC session was the fact that my wife had asked for a divorce and/or separation during the A, before I knew. Our MC told her she didn't really want that, even at the time, because if she did she would've been divorced...it's not like I could've stopped her.
Dude that's a normal reaction. We're guys. We fix things. That's our territory and we fight for it. Typical first reaction before we slow down and develop tactics and strategy. We try to contain the fire at first before we sweep the house and clear it room to room. Assess the situation. Put together a plan.

I've been wondering about this lately, too. A question to this fine hive of scum and/or villainy: Immediately on DDAY, how many of you guys wanted to R right away because you didn't want to let the POSER win? 'Cuz it was for sure in my head, if I'm being honest.

Great stuff, guys. Stay thirsty, my friends.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1580 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for everyone's input. I don't disagree with any of it. IC along with SI have been invaluable for me. I know IC is going to be integral for her fixing her issues. I also agree that a lot depends on the MC and to some extent my involvement.

This is the second MC we have used. The first one was actually pretty good I thought. It was right after D-day and she didn't "side" with my wife at all. She likewise told my WW that she was to blame for the A alone. WW didn't like it at all. She was still fence sitting and I was so far gone and despondent that I couldn't really challenge my wife's position. She had all of the power because I let her. That isn't how I am now or really how I've ever been before. For me something "took over" early on after D-day and I became hyper-attached to her and the outcome.

This time around I feel as if I am ready to get down to the hard work. The MC on our first session laid out the rules. He started with NC. He laid out exactly what is expected of my WW in nearly all NC breaking attempts by OM. All of which I had told her numerous times before, but hearing it from someone outside felt like it had more meaning to my WW. I think he is the kind to hold her accountable during our sessions (both of us actually).

The other main difference is the 180. It has had a big impact on both of us. I'm still working on the finer points but it was actually something my IC was working on with me before I found SI. During our last MC session. My WW accused me of treating her badly in reference to my "detachment". She doesn't like it that she can't control every move I make and keep me in her cage.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 10:53 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry. Double post.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 4:32 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SSI
I absolutely don't believe it. What does your gut really say. Your gut is right. Of course you want to believe her and try to hold on to whatever angelic quality you can about her but she's been banging this dude for a long time.

SSI - I am in the camp of 444 on this one. From what I have learned on LTAs what you are saying doesnt make sense. Not all, but many of these LTAs continue for as long as they do because neither of the APs can push the relationship to another level and they can't find a way to end it either. The early stages of excitement of a new relationship have long passed in a LTA - I just dont think that suddenly it would develop into a PA after a long time of it being something else. That is just more TT to get you to think it isnt as bad as you think it might be. Maybe I am wrong but as long as she is TTing you, your MC sessions are a waste of time. By not talking to you about it outside of the MC she has created a little safe zone for herself in this mess she created.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 398 | Registered: Nov 2012
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dang. Blue waffle. That will give you nightmares.

I wasn't complaining about the appearance or actual feel. Actually looks better now. She too is smooth. Just sucks that I wasn't alone in my enjoyment of her. Weird thing is her pet name for her vag is "my friend". She will lay on a little reminder here or there that today she is going to get "your friend" waxed again. Funny because I never thought my friend would ride another dude.

SSI - I agree that it is unlikely you have all of the details. When they go off the rails they really go off in a glorious fashion. My wife has only admitted to things I knew already or asked directly. Lies of omission and commission are the norm.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 4:46 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm always late to the party...

Doing some catchup from all of your posts over the weekend and I must say there is some real gold here.

I especially identified with everyone feeling like the "cardboard cutout" guy. My STBXWW had her image of my role in our relationship down to a powerpoint presentation with graphs and bullet points. Problem was, when I wasn't fitting the profile I got served hot heaping dishes of emotional diahrea and drama by the bucket loads. That would knock me back in line and we'd go at it again till the next infraction. Rinse and repeat. I didn't realize that was happening to me till the summer before Dday when her A was in full swing but I didn't know it. Our M was in a bad bad place and I was scrambling to see where I was going wrong. When I couldn't find anything glaring I realized it was her. I allowed the wool to be pulled over my eyes for the better part of 10yrs. Over the last 6 months I've addresses those codependant tendancies and feel very confident that the cardboard cutout guy won't be making an appearance again.

I love this forum of guys where I get some really useful wisdom and a laugh at the same time.

Thanks everyone.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more I read the more convinced I am that the wayward play book really is standard issue for ALL WWs and secondly, that all their lies and TT are so similar sounding that *they* must've been married to the same guy. Wow, really unoriginal if you ask me.

I did try to spoon feed her the entire 'what R should look like' cliff notes. And yes, she faked and manipulated the bejeebers out of it; gave her control when she saw she could use that knowledge to engineer a 'favourable' outcome for herself and her idea of what the M should look like. She even felt it working since we'd have moments of 'this looks like its headed the right way': meaning the A is rugswept, her needs are met, she gets the new relationship/in love high, she gets to put in minimal effort on introspection...

Only snag is; since its inauthentic, within a short time you'll notice how the actions never match up to the words. Being the fool I was, I felt I could 'make this work', just keep trying really hard.

Dunno how many of you struggle with this, but mine is the inventor of the 180. She'll absolutely be unavailable and doing her own shit all the time and then checks in every once in a while (waving that vag) when she needs to feel a bit married... That and getting the 180 from me is sort of a reward for her; absolutely loves it and swills in it. After our most recent online MC sessions , her unguarded statement "lets take a break from all this". Yep hon, you fucked around for 9 years of the M and you need a break within 3 months of trying to fix this shit; kinda puts priorities in perspective....

She loved every M program and MC which quickly moved us past the A, more importantly, seems like she changed ICs so often because I think they might've been actually asking her uncomfortable things that she didn't want to deal with rather than what she reported, which was "they're crap".

I've been in limbo for over 2 years , it's only now I'm starting to regain strength to detach and let go of the outcome.

One lesson I've learnt about false R: it's easy to spot if all you apply is the consistency test. In about a month you can figure out if she's faking it or if she is actually working on her shit. If her words and actions are consistent over a 4 week period, you know you've got progress, if pulling through that one month alone feels like fucking pulling teeth; then you know no matter what she says; her actions are telling you she's not getting it.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only snag is; since its inauthentic, within a short time you'll notice how the actions never match up to the words. Being the fool I was, I felt I could 'make this work', just keep trying really hard.

That's the thing. I believe they don't know how to be authentic. The deception has been around for so long they figure they can still fool you. Go with the flow, follow the script. Smile, kiss, say I love you, throw down the vag.
Lets look at it like this. You have been fooled for soooo long how is this any different? In the past you wanted to believe your marriage was ok. That your WW loved you and had your back. Short of some marital disagreements or an argument here and there everything was copacetic.
Now you want R. You want to believe in R. You want her to commit herself and come back to you.
You are a recurring victim.
Your back in the same hole. Waiting for normality to sink in so you can go back to sleep. She's hypnotizing you. Drugging you with words she knows you want to hear. Go back to sleep. Make the paycheck.
The snag is that they have no patience. They have no empathy. No remorse. They can't keep this charade up. They will come up for air. Snap at you. Walk away when you bring up A. Get angry. Blame you again and again. Recite that your punishing them over and over. They have less invested in the marriage than you. Eventually you may become gun shy and avoid the subject completely hoping everything is fine. Why would you want to rock the boat?
Who's in control? I guarantee... Don't put up with their shit. They respect that. That is what they want. They want you to stand up for yourself. Be firm. State where your at. What you will and will not tolerate. You can be a dick just don't be cruel, it's not worth it and they know they are wrong.
Give them a reality check
Tighten their shot group
Tell them where the rubber hits the road.
Issue a come to Jesus speech.
Whatever. Believe me if your firm they will respect that. If they leave who the fuck cares, why let that mind fuck pull your strings. Better get the demon out now or you'll be cursed Again down the road and your position may be worse off. We're not getting any younger.
Either THEY will R or they won't.
As WAL said- your golden. Every woman you speak to will think your a God for giving WW a second chance. They will love you. You will be unscathed.
She will be wearing the scarlet letter. Other wives won't let her around their husbands alone. She bears the burden.
No my friend, you can't force her. You are being merciful, forgiving,loving, but it's not your job. It's hers. You deserve nothing less. Fuck her for playing games. If they can't do it they need to get to stepping because that is a big NO GO.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn Sal, you should right romance novels for a living. Thats the stuff dreams are made of.

Defiled, if by "romance novels" you mean "horror novels" and by "dreams" you mean "PTSD-induced nightmares", then maybe you have a point. I'm well qualified to write about this stuff.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
M for almost 18 years
4 kids

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Defiled, if by "romance novels" you mean "horror novels" and by "dreams" you mean "PTSD-induced nightmares", then maybe you have a point. I'm well qualified to write about this stuff.

LOL
I kept a journal of my WW's behavior since last June.
I call it the anti-Notebook
Would be a scary movie.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more I read the more convinced I am that the wayward play book really is standard issue for ALL WWs and secondly, that all their lies and TT are so similar sounding that *they* must've been married to the same guy. Wow, really unoriginal if you ask me.


The snag is that they have no patience. They have no empathy. No remorse. They can't keep this charade up. They will come up for air. Snap at you. Walk away when you bring up A. Get angry. Blame you again and again. Recite that your punishing them over and over. They have less invested in the marriage than you. Eventually you may become gun shy and avoid the subject completely hoping everything is fine. Why would you want to rock the boat?

Noescape and Betrayed444 - It is scary how similar our WWs behave and think. I could have written every single word of both of your last posts myself. Is there a class offered after hours that we aren't aware of? Is all of this covered in '50 Shades of Gray'?

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 10:52 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also we can participate in an awesome new game we can call musical beds.

B444, you spin so much BM gold it's hard to keep track of it all, but I can't believe I let this one pass earlier today without comment. So here goes:

That would be confusing for us, but the WWs would feel right at home (rim shot).

Thank you, you've been a lovely crowd. Tip your waiters.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
M for almost 18 years
4 kids

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is all of this covered in 'Shades of Grey'?

Funny you should mention that. My WW wasn't into romance novels but during A or just before ,she read 50 shades of gray. Also watched magic mike with a skank friend. Believe it or not a red flag did in fact go up. I knew it was really out of character but I brushed it off and went back to sleep. We are lulled by their faithful loving wife act. They use it as camouflage and we eat it up. I swear I really thought " my wife would never do that".

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 8:35 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.