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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 10
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hahaha, I never thought that the sound of a fast-moving thread coming to a screeching halt would be silence. Politics is a thread (momentum) killer.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1618 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ummm, yeah, so got that cleared up and now see the error of my ways, never to be repeated.

Guess I should clarify.
To those that took offense I apologize, never intended for it be political at all.
My intention was that society would be taken back to wild west times when a man could defend his honor as he saw fit. Makes my mouth water just thinking about it.

Anyways, nothing to see here, move along people, move along.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hahaha, I never thought that the sound of a fast-moving thread coming to a screeching halt would be silence. Politics is a thread (momentum) killer.

It wasn't politics that killed it.

But anyway, if that's the worst that happens today it will be the best day in a long time.

Carry on.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A whole generation of high school grammar teachers are pulling out their grade books to confirm Defiled was absent on the day they taught on the topic of inconclusive pronoun referents.

For what it's worth, I had to read it twice before I realized you were talking about OM.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW, don't tell the Secret Service you thought Kevin Costner was the baddest screen SS agent of all time, in the event they're standing in your front yard when you get home.

Always go with Eastwood. Clint Eastwood is the answer to every question whose obvious answer is not Chuck Norris.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

grammar

What is that?
WAL, your right though.
I can see that paper coming back with a giant red F on top.
Like I said got typing and couldn't stop, my mind was going faster than the keyboard. When I think about that event all sanity goes out the door.
The point was I thought of a cool way to use honey for some revenge (on a OM ). I'm not going to share though, because as FP stated; pretty sure I'm suspect #1 now.

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 4:19 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...with a baseball bat, rose bush pruners, a ballpeen hammer, jumper cables, my fish fillet knife, and a bottle of honey.

Sounds like you may really be Serge A Storms (or Tim Dorsey).


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A lot of pain around here today. Feeling pissed off for you all. Although I laughed out loud to ...

A whole generation of high school grammar teachers are pulling out their grade books to confirm Defiled was absent on the day they taught on the topic of inconclusive pronoun referents.


I'm sorry if I ruin the mood, but these were my thoughts from before the commercial break.

DefiledRage
It is hard to image how much that text 'tainted' what should have been a glorious day. So sorry.

It plays into the lost time and bad memories theme. Most of what I've struggled with came from detective work and knowing what happened and what we were doing at that time. When I hacked her phone, I literally found 1000s of texts. With those dates I could piece back what was happening in our lives at the time - vacations, birthdays, anniversaries - nothing was sacred. Not even our then 1 year old. (OM bragged how much he liked feeding my son his lunch – POS - That is a big part of why I've fought so hard - to keep OM away from my son and hoping WW would turn around.) Her A started about 3 weeks before we took a 2 week trip to Paris/London. We spent months preparing and planning. Trip of a lifetime. Really I was planning the trip and she was daydreaming about POSOM. I have numerous examples and really there isn't any month or significant annual event that isn't affected. * Birth of a child - No and boy I'm sorry for you.* Point is pictures and dates still are huge triggers for me. I instantly can recognize if it was pre-A, A, or post-A. Really sucks. I don't think I will ever be able to look back at any memory and not put it into context of where it falls in relation to the A. I've been really angry about that concept of lost time and tainted memories.

I haven't matured the concept yet (it may be bogus and need to be thrown out or need some fine tuning), but what I've tried to think about instead of what I've lost out on or how those memories or dates are ruined is this: I can take pride in knowing I was living life well at the time - supporting my family, doing chores, volunteering, doing my thing and doing it the best that I could. Hell, there were actually some good times had during those dark days. Paris was amazing. Loved taking the train through the chunnel to London. Had some pretty darn good sex there too. Kinda want to keep those memories. From one perspective, it wasn't wasted time because I had fun and was living life authentically. She is the one who chose to live a lie. Sure it would have been better being with someone who loved you and had your back, but that's not our situation. They have taken so much away from us without our permission it feels like I should fight to keep some of my memories and ultimately my mind intact. I will continue to struggle with pictures, dates and memories but this has been my attempt of accepting what I never thought I’d have to.

You're not even counting the recovery years yet -- however long it takes you to get your feet under you and have your thought patterns dominated by infidelity, mind-movies, relationship junk, MC, blah, blah, blah.
Probably be more like 5-7.

Just as big of an issue for me has been reconciling the complete waste of time my life has seemed at times since D-day. It feels as if I have betrayed myself so I totally understand your statement …

most of the time I think about it; it just leads me to having a terrible view of myself. In some ways I really do feel like if I was half a man I would be in a penitentiary right now. Like my daughter deserves me to stand up for her, especially since her mother didn't

Not saying you should have done things differently. I know I would have done the same myself. Really just focusing more on the ‘terrible view of myself’ and self-disrespect aspect of all of this, because unfortunately I have just as many bad memories to work on that I feel I have helped create following D-day because of how I have handled things. * The fights. The sleepless nights. Reading all of those damn texts that won’t leave me alone. Putting up with this shit. Spending way too much time worrying about this crap. Putting up with this shit. (Did I mention that already?) And a whole lot more. * I know this challenge was given to us without our asking, but still it feels as if I just could have done it better, quicker, smarter – something. Still not done with it and not sure when I will be. I just know that I want to control the things that I can control now that I’ve been made aware of the rules of this game. That is why I’m here. To learn the rules and learn how to better play the game. I refuse to fail to regain my own self-respect.

My thoughts and only my thoughts. I don’t pretend to know much about this stuff. It is just nice to put it out there because it seems like it sometimes just keeps rattling around in my head and putting it here seems to be a safe place to vent.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 4:40 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every time I feel rage towards the POSOM building, I remember that there are at least a thousand other shitheads in this town alone...

The above illustrates why during the worst stages of my anger, some people still continued breathing is my belief that killing people is probably a lot like heroin... so hard to quit, even after it stops feeling good.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn, this thread is dark today.

Anyone want a cold beer?


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll have several as I watch the Bruins pummel the Blackhawks! Thanks!


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^Pfffft. x2.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1618 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone want a cold beer?

Yes. Or two.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds good to me. Couple more Stella's. I think I'll stop by Ambercrombie for a nice skin-tight shirt to go along with my new Curve cologne to see how it works with the High School crowd.


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds good to me. Couple more

HAHA
Dude Curve is so not HS. Don't hate the player, hate the game. Be careful with it though. Powerful mojo.
Btw I picked up some ice cold Hefe Weissbier. Reminds me of my days in Germany.
,
but still it feels as if I just could have done it better, quicker, smarter – something. Still not done with it and not sure when I will be. I just know that I want to control the things that I can control now that I’ve been made aware of the rules of this game. That is why I’m here. To learn the rules and learn how to better play the game. I refuse to fail to regain my own self-respect.

TC
I do this all the time. Second guess everything. Re examine all the red flags. If I did this I could have clipped the A off in the bud or if I acted there I could have stopped that but the thing is this thing will play out as it will. WW was on a mission to fuck someone, anyone, when the situation presented itself. Seriously, look at their choices.
We could have been Supermen, and many of you are, she still would have gas lighted, blame shifted and found reasons to hate us and justify it.
They were building cases about us before, during, and after. Laying a foundation. Detaching.
The A was a freight Train Bearing down on us.
As for the aftermath hindsight is 20/20. I for one did not have a playbook. Thank god for SI and you guys. I found this place just by googling for advice.
My kids are safe. I'm healthy, no one died, and I still have my job. That's a good day. Think about how chaotic things could have been if we made any fatal decisions. No one hurt themselves or anyone else.
Like in the movie the 300 when the Persians charged and initially pushed the Spartans back. The Spartans gathered themselves and pushed the Persians into the sea.
We're not experts. We adapt and overcome. Making decisions on the fly.then we report back here and compare notes.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 7:26 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys sorry I killed things here today.

Don't know what got into me. Now that I've been able to back off I'm actually really surprised that I shared that stuff. I guess having that eating at me for two years without sharing with anyone has just been eating at me more than I thought and it kind-of exploded today. That's what I call triggering-off-the-rails.
For anyone that knows me I really am a nice guy, I swear. The OM is living his suburb white-picket fence life, and that will never change because of any act on my part. If he loses that it will be his own undoing. I'm not a violent person, haven't even confronted him on any of this. And if I'm being honest with myself I probably never will. My family is to important to me to risk on anything involving him because I know he's not worth it.
I often try to use humor as a form of self-preservation these days. Unfortunately I turned things too dark today, but that's all it really was intended as. Sorry if it wasn't taken that way.

Hey maybe tomorrow will be a better day right?

There's been some good stuff coming out here, get back to that.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled program.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Stillkicking
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Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great stuff 444,
But this " We could have been Supermen, and many of you are, she still would have gas lighted, blame shifted and found reasons to hate us and justify it. " Very well said sir!!! I struggled with this emensly in the beginning, so much to the point of obsessing, and then one morning while thinking what I could have done, it hit me like a Mack doing 90, there wasn't a fucking thing I or anybody else for that matter could have done to stop it, maybe with that one guy but there would have been another poser sitting in the shadows waiting. They have their minds set and come hell or high water she will get what she wants. It fucking sucks but once you come to that realization it gets sooo much easier to handle.
I hope that comes sooner rather than later for you brother.

[This message edited by Stillkicking at 7:46 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 126 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
ssi0318
♂ New Member
Member # 39225
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone here read 'Codependent No More"? Therapist thinks that I should check it out with regards to my wife's drinking, looking for thoughts.

FP - I read it back in January, back when I was still thinking there was something i needed to work on so my wife would love me again.

It is a good book if taken the right way. Think of it as the 180 writ large. It's about taking care of yourself, not constantly rescuing your partner or other people in your life who can't own their own shit. It's about putting yourself first.


Me-BS
Her-WW - probable NPD
M 11 years, T 14 years
3 kids, all under 10
DDay 3/18/13
I'm not happy - Nov-12

Posts: 32 | Registered: May 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DR
Hell bro I didn't think anything of it. I'm right there with you as we'll as most of us I'm sure. I feel that way all the time. Please don't explain yourself or apologize. Totally unnecessary. Seriously. I enjoy everything you write and utilize your advice.

SK
Thanks
Your absolutely right. I remember not too long ago I was in the car talking to WW about something in an unrelated thing she said " I always get what I want" Freudian slip or what not it was a telling moment from inside her psyche. They do get what they want. If I could go back in time and prevented this A I would probably end up with an alternate A.
According to her actions and what I learned it was definitely going to happen. It's like dealing with a fucking hydra. Chop off one head and 2 more would grow back. I don't know how I could have treated her better.
It's weird. I've seen alcoholic husbands, drug abusers, men that beat their wives and abandon their kids. I've lived trying to be a role model and to do my best. Work hard, provide, love and still my marriage is destroyed.
My wife didn't have to work. I make a good living. Buy gifts and go on outings. Lets not beat ourselves up. It's them who are broken. It's not our fault. Self doubt though is easy because its a natural reaction to make sense out of such nonsense.
And Defiled, it is natural to want to go after POSER. We're human and a long time ago we would have but were still responsible. We still have to protect our families and the piece of shit just isnt worth it. It takes two to tango. It was her responsibility to maintain boundaries. She made a conscious decision to knowingly and intentionally cross that line for a few minutes of debauchery. She was dishonest and deceitful. As SAL said if a girl wants it any dog will lie with her. It's not his responsibility to say " whoa, your married what will BH say?" He's still a male and the pussy was right there. Vulnerable and willing. Begging. Pursuing.
He's still a POS and he still is worthy of your utmost disdain but wiping the floor with him gets us nowhere especially when we know we may have to fight for our kids. The courts don't give a shit. Actually you will be made out to be the bad guy and she will use it as a justification. Honestly, anything to save her reputation. I won't give that kind of satisfaction. End up in jail, lose my job, kids,home? He's a scum bag who just is t worth it.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 8:21 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


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