I'm somewhere between a 1 and a 2. I'd prefer to do it in private but sometimes a guy just has to let one rip.
My best fart story is as follows: In college, the ex and I took a weekend trip up to Flagstaff, AZ to visit my best friend. Flagstaff is this awesome little college town that sits right around 8,000 feet in elevation and there are all sorts of cool things to do there. We had gone out drinking on Friday night and my stomach was an absolute mess Saturday morning but we decided to stick with our plans for the day and take a tour of the Lowell Observatory.
The tour was really cool. It was neat to actually be able to walk around the telescopes and hear the history behind them. Unfortunately, the further we got, the more bloated I felt. As a courtesy to the group, I did my very best to hold it.
As they tend to do on these sorts of tours, they saved the most historic telescope for last and spend the most time talking about it. The moment of truth happened as I was standing with my (at the time) girlfriend of a year and a half and my best friend in a giant dome with a group of about 15 strangers hearing all about the telescope that was used to discover Pluto. My stomach started to bubble and I knew that there was absolutely nothing I could do.
It came out silently. I was so relieved.
30 seconds later, people start to look really, really uncomfortable. The smell was pretty close to indescribable but suffice it to say, it wasn't pleasant. The ex and my friend, who had to ride with me to the observatory and were acutely aware of my problem started exchanging looks, trying their very best not to laugh. I'm looking around with a disgusted look on my face hoping everyone else will think I'm just as offended as they are. Everyone sort of rushed for the door and the tour guide finished talking about the telescope outside.
Definitely not one of my finer moments.