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Newest Member: DaveVP (44299)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: asking for money
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bottom line, our D went to trial. In MD, the judge is very limited as to what he can order being paid. And even so, he fucked up a couple of things he could have (but did give both kids to me for claiming on taxes). I am heading back to court next month for CS adjustment, mainly because shithead has yet to contribute a dime to the kids afterschool care or summer camps.

Anyway, my ds is involved with a program called Destination Imagination. His team has done well going from regionals to states and now next week to globals. It is a WONDERFUL opportunity, they are matched with a team from Singapore and will learn a lot. In Knoxville TN. Far away, long drive, and $$$. Just got the bill $1200 per family. While I anticipated some/most of it, it is different to see it on paper. So far this has cost us almost nothing other than lots of time.

I want to ask shithead to contribute. I am pissed that he hasn't offered and I have to "beg" for money. I am in the hole each month. He went to Jamaica last month. He has the money. I do not.

Can anyone give me suggestions for a nice email? I have every intention on showing judge next month if he refuses.

Against me, I did sign my ds up for this without his "consent". I paid the initial application fee without any compliant.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1231 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anything I sign the kids up for I get her to concur with. Likewise I tell her anything she signs the kids up for she has to run by me first or I won't cover (I probably will anyways but I don't let her know that).

In the case of your situation, I would just layout the facts of the event, cost, when, where, etc. Ask nicely if he will agree that he should attend. If he says yes then you have him locked in for half. If he says no, ask him why he would want to prevent his son from having this once in a lifetime experience?


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 465 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, he was there when ds won at states, was VERY excited for his son, was very "generous" and told me I could use his frequent flyer miles. I bugged him for weeks about details and he finally told me that it wouldn't work out I wasn't expecting it, but still. He knows all about the costs, he is on the emails, he is fairly involved with the program (like I said, he took ds to states himself). And ds was signed up in December. Communication was not very good in the beginning, ex's father had just died and my SO father died the following week. I swear I told him about it, I know ds did, but he claims he knew nothing about it. I can't find the email that I thought I forwarded to him. He was a raging shit about it but it was an honest mistake (if it really was, I've forwarded MANY things to him, NEVER get a response and he will claim he never got. This is the first time I haven't been able to come up with an email).

I know I should have confirmed with him in the past, but honestly I think he was the one that "confirmed" that Ben was going to globals when they won that night at states. And at one point he even offered to go himself. Looking back I would be very clear. And really I didn't know how costly this would be when I signed ds up. I missed that first meeting because SO father had died the night before and I had been up for 48hours straight administering meds/morphine.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1231 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
bigpicture3236
♀ Member
Member # 27861
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I think it is a good lesson for kids to know that it isn't always easy to have money for extracurricular activities. Even playing sports has gotten crazy expensive.
What if you AND your son went to ask him for the money? It is good practice for your son to ask and perhaps your XH would rise to the opportunity he has to reward his son for his hard work.


If you love something and hurt it dearly, then chose not to fix it...you never deserved it in the first place.

Posts: 3603 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Michigan
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, in a quick text asking for health ins information, I mentioned we needed to talk about money. His response is that since he had no part in signing him up, he is under no obligation to pay for anything.

Sigh. Turning off cable, phone, and alarm system Monday.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1231 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also sat my son down and told him how proud I was about what he is doing but then explained the cost of the trip. I also told him that I thought it was worth it, but I am having to pay for it all without his father's help, so I will be having to cut back at home.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1231 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX also refuses to chip in a single cent towards any activity, camp or sport for the children. I can't even afford to take the kids to the school carnival. The cable has been turned off, I'd turn off the phone if I didn't wish to have it for the sake of 911. We only eat meat a few nights a week because I can't afford it otherwise. I don't even know how I'm going to feed the kids over the summer because they won't be getting their free breakfast & lunch at school. STBX sees nothing wrong with this situation.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9306 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 7

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