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New Beginnings :
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 cayc (original poster member #21964) posted at 6:36 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

Since I'm always posting whiney sad-sacky oh-woe-is-me stuff, I figured I better pony up what's going on right now. Feel free to remind me of it when I start complaining that I'll never meet anyone etc etc etc.

Last month was a bit of a downward spiral for me, I engaged in those coping behaviors that only harm me (e.g. eating compulsively). xWH is still pestering me via email, I'm still angry at what he did, and I'm lonely here in this new place surrounding by married people, single 20 year olds etc. Trigger city. I decided I'd cope by deleting my OLD profile, focusing on my lifting/crossfit workouts, and needlework (the ultimate in your face I'm staying home by myself move lol).

Anyhoo. Went to Crossfit on Monday and the trainer who I really like who's been MIA for quite some time was back. Evidently he was on a long summer vacay. I was irrationally excited to see him. And he walked right up to me and asked, "did you miss me?" in that nice voice of his. So help me god I giggled and said yes. And it's true! I did! I was so glad he was back. And so embarrassed at my month of excess (b/c I can feel the damage done). It was nice to see him. It reminded me I do need people. It wasn't until I saw him that I realized part of my torpor towards Crossfit had actually been missing his presence and encouragement.

And then! I logged onto the OLD site to delete my profile and a guy popped up into my feed (which means he lives near me) that idk, I clicked on his profile. And the profile said he didn't live anywhere near me but since he was cute, had interesting tattoos and a silly food preference/addiction that I also share, I sent him a note saying so. What was I thinking? That I was safe b/c he lived nowhere nearby? Whelp. He replied, and evidently is moving within a 2 hour drive of me, for a cool job (cool to me at least) and we've been chatting. And I talked to him on the phone, and we email constantly all day long, and and and, I'm really looking forward to meeting him in person.

And then! A colleague of mine, a male colleage who I find funny, approached me last week and told me that he had been made aware that I have an asocial streak and that it was important that my friends/colleagues rally around and not let me be a hermit. Seriously, he was reaching out in a nice way. And I like him. He was very helpful to me my first few days here at post. A super nice, polite fellow. Anyhoo. I thought he was married. But he said, let's go out after work one day and talk. So that day was last night. Evidently, he's separated and divorcing. We shared stories. We both have this job for similar reasons. It was a nice bonding moment. I felt heard and understood and he did too. Now mind you, he's *still* married so it's a no go for me.

But what is this embarrassing riches of attention? It all feels good. These 3 people. Usually attention makes me curl in on myself and engage in my crap coping behaviors. That really means it's attention from people I don't like and my gut knows it but my head hasn't caught up with it yet.

But these 3 people? Not a flicker of bad coping behaviors raising their head. When that OLD guy asked to call the first time, I was excited nervous, not annoyed nervous. Last night at dinner, it felt like hanging out with an old friend. At the gym, the trainer makes me feel good and makes me want to try and enjoy myself.

No clue where any of this is going. But it feels good. And in the spirit of positive NB things, I thought I'd share.

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2008   ·   location: Mexico
id 6339623
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Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 6:44 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

All I have to say is

But your title...

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

posts: 25351   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Arizona
id 6339638
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k94ever ( member #11176) posted at 6:52 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

WOOT!!!!!!!!!!

k9

BS:61
WS: 53
Betrayed: 24 years
Affairs: 15 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

posts: 7747   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2006   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 6339652
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 7:02 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

Love it!!

Your title made me think of Scooby Doo.

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6339668
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Spirit13 ( member #31758) posted at 7:21 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

that sounds so great... enjoy your embarrassment of riches!

Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

posts: 623   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2011   ·   location: Midwest
id 6339700
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Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 7:25 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

Great update yay! So excited that you are starting to settle in and feel comfortable in your surroundings, and allow yourself to appreciate a little attention

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

posts: 3640   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2011   ·   location: The Valley of the Sun
id 6339710
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 cayc (original poster member #21964) posted at 7:29 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

Your title made me think of Scooby Doo.

With good reason, I was saying it in Scooby's voice! lol

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2008   ·   location: Mexico
id 6339716
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persevere ( member #31468) posted at 7:38 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

That's so cool cayc!

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

posts: 5329   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2011
id 6339728
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wonderingbull ( member #14833) posted at 8:00 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

WB

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

posts: 6054   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2007   ·   location: A better place
id 6339759
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 8:32 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

It's good to have people.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6339814
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NaiveAgain ( member #20849) posted at 9:00 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

Have fun and enjoy yourself!

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

posts: 16236   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2008   ·   location: Ohio
id 6339845
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FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 9:37 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

Sounds like the poles on the shit magnet are reversing.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21591   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 6339894
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MyVoice ( member #35695) posted at 10:30 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

posts: 493   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6339956
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 11:14 PM on Friday, May 17th, 2013

With good reason, I was saying it in Scooby's voice! lol

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6340019
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 4:49 PM on Saturday, May 18th, 2013

Sounds like the poles on the shit magnet are reversing.

cayc - This post is making me smile so goofily. Yay for positive interactions! Yay for overcoming the negative coping behaviors!

Just... YAY!!!

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6340717
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inhishands55 ( member #9454) posted at 6:25 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

Enjoy all the extra attention...It is so nice to feel special....

posts: 408   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2006   ·   location: The Tarheel State, in the mts.
id 6341439
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dlmos ( member #36839) posted at 1:40 PM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

BH (32)
DS - 7, DD - 6
Divorced

posts: 461   ·   registered: Sep. 16th, 2012   ·   location: Fort Worth,Texas
id 6341541
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 cayc (original poster member #21964) posted at 1:41 PM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

Yes I have to admit I'm rather smitten with OLD guy. Will likely meet him in person over Memorial Day weekend, so we'll see.

Not-yet-D-so-I-can't-date-him-colleague texted me yesterday while he was stateside and said "I'm at the grocery buying Ben & Jerry's, any partic flavor I can get you?" Oh. Talk about willpower to refuse the personal delivery of Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Cake flavored ice cream lol!

So there you go, men AND ice cream. How can it possible get any better!

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2008   ·   location: Mexico
id 6341542
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nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 2:15 PM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

Me - happy!
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

posts: 4401   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2011   ·   location: MA
id 6341568
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 4:55 PM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

Oh my lord, a man who brings Ben & Jerry's without prompting? Keeper!

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6341679
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