How can you love what you cant trust?
thanks pulled me back, I was close for a second.
"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron
Will hurting him the same way he hurt you make you feel better about yourself?
Also, consider how you would feel about yourself if you just used someone else to get back at your BF. Someone who might really fall for you.
Something tells me that you're not the kind of person who uses other people.
Find a healthy and responsible way to ease your hurt. You can't ever force him to see anything without taking a chunk out of yourself to do it. Think about that price. Our choices suck, but you will be okay without choosing to go there.
Sorry you're hurting today. Hope your weekend gets better.
In my mind R was not a possibility - that didn't make my actions any less damaging to me. Not because I thought I betrayed my husband (IMO I didn't) but because I betrayed myself.
There is no healing there. In fact it derailed and delayed my healing big time and was one of the factors that led me into False R.
And then, after revenge, you would have yourself to live with. Yes, the post about possibly hurting another person is a good one...that's what I meant about making a situation worse. We have that going on here, with all the things Perv has done, he didn't make anything better, he made more wrongs.
Two wrongs don't make a right, as they say, but it's hard to remain inactive when the grief and pain are heightened.
My revenge fantasies were geared more toward OW at first and took a while to steer toward him. But you know, he's created so many problems that I feel like he'll get his "cummuppence" without me having to spend the energy or chance doing something wrong.
Yes, it could really backfire on you as well and the high road, rest assured, is lonesome but far better when looking in the mirror at the end of the day.
If there was somewhere to put that energy from revenge wishes, maybe it would help? To harness it and get exercise or do something when it comes...then you are being active in some way and may deter the thoughts?
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Also, considering how hurt and vulnerable you are, consider that you might enjoy your one night stand and wind up attaching more meaning to it and imbuing it with all kinds of significance and going back for more, and be the one getting hurt. Lots of women, tons, think they are cool with a fwb or ons situation only to wind up trying to nurture a relationship and then devastated a few months later. So in general on that my opinion is no.
Hugs and best wishes.
When the thought popped into my head, I realized something. I thought about the pain that I was experiencing, and I knew that this was not something that I would wish on my worst enemy.
I knew before all of this that I could never have an affair. I never thought it possible, but the thought disgusts me even more now than it did before.
It's a natural reaction, but really think about it. You don't want to become what you hate, and you don't want to be guilty of this sin, because you know just how badly it hurts.
A one-night stand would not provide revenge since you would be upfront about it; and the fact you are upset, troubled and it's a possibility would hardly blindside your WS.
So the parts of the worst pain that an affair delivers to a BS he would not experience. Just a small part of the agony, so your revenge would be for naught and might backfire if you get HPV or some disease a condom won't always prevent.
And you would never get to talk about your pain ever again, because he would shut you up with the argument that you're "even" and he doesn't want to hear about it again.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 11:22 PM, May 17th (Friday)]
Even if you sleep with someone else, he will still not understand how you feel, being someone who didn't cheat and got cheated on.
What will it do?
-Give him something to be upset at you about
-Make you feel worse about yourself
-You would pretty much have to let go of what he did, and he would use what you did as leverage
-Further break the marriage and trust
Not to mention:
-Possibility of STI's
-Possibly hurting someone else (and potentially their family if you slept with someone else who was married/in a relationship)
Think about it. If you gave your husband a beautiful glass vase, and he smashed it on the floor right in front of your face- you would probably feel a lot of things. Would it make any sense at all to pick up the vase, start to try to glue it back together, and then you intentionally smash it on the floor too?
You're better than that, and it's good that you already know that.
At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
but if it helps him see, whats so wrong
If you think affairs are wrong, why would you consider having one? If you have an affair, it sends a message that you think it's ok to cheat under certain circumstances.
If you don't wish to reconcile your marriage, then go ahead and become a cheater. If you want to heal your marriage, perhaps you should look for less destructive alternatives.
Have you read the book, Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass? I recommended starting with this book for finding better ways to heal from infidelity.
So sorry for what you are going through.
Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.
They will only see what you did wrong. (see- she is mean and spiteful) They still will not see what they did was wrong. It may just justify his reasons for having an A.