I lost my baby in March. Found out a few weeks later that my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex and got her "pregnant" -she got an abortion. And we have been trying to reconcile. He's been doing good and going to counseling. And to top all the emotions I'm already feeling from loosing my baby and the cheating- I found out today that I am pregnant. And so many thoughts are going through my head. I want to be a mom. But the circumstances are horrible. And to top that off I am scared to loose this baby too. I have a condition which they think they can control now that they pin pointed it. And I just can't make the decision to have an abortion. I can't loose another baby. But there is a possibility that I could be a single mom if this doesn't work out.
It sounds like you really want this baby. Are you terrified your boyfriend might relapse, and that is why you would have an abortion? I found out I was pregnant not long after my D-Day, so I know how it is just staring at that pee stick. It's great that he's going to counseling. Are you able to go? If not, please talk to your Dr about everything going on. That was one of the hardest phone calls I had to make, and I broke down while talking to my OB. But he and the nurse practitioner were very kind, they've seen this before.
And if you don't feel like you can raise the baby, but don't want an abortion, there is always adoption. What does your boyfriend think?
Hugs going out to you, whatever you decide.
I re read what I wrote and it sounded like I'm struggling with the decision to have an abortion. I am not. Abortion is not an option for me. Not because I am not pro choice but because I so desperately wanted a baby who didn't make it, so I couldn't make the choice to not have a baby. I want a baby! But the circumstances are just overwhelming.
I just told my boyfriend and he really wants the baby too. We are both going to individual and couples counseling. I am scared of him relapsing during this pregnancy. I guess being pregnant is kind of a trigger for me. He cheated on me while I was pregnant.
What I am mostly afraid of is telling my family. I just recently told them I was trying to work things out with my boyfriend and they are really upset about it. I even lost friends. And I moved out after d day and live with my family now. They are going to be so disappointed. I guess part of me feels really dumb. How could I sleep with a guy who cheated on me... While I was pregnant. What kind of stupid person does that?!?!
First and foremost - breathe. Just breathe.
The baby and trying to reconcile with the boyfriend are (truly) two separate things. No matter what happens with HIM, you are pregnant. I gather from what you have written so far that you want the baby, so I just want to say Congratulations. That baby is a little miracle, even if the timing and circumstances surrounding the pregnancy are less than ideal.
So take a moment, a day, a week... and just breathe. Just soak on things.
The boyfriend? Trying to R? Figuring out your friends and family situation? All that can just sit and simmer off to the side right now.
Breathe, center yourself, and practice your self care for now. Eat. Sleep. Water. Peace. That's what you want to surround yourself with now.
Can you do that? Can you isolate the two things and focus for now on getting yourself calmed and centered for the baby's sake?
There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox
As for what other people say, well, whatever happens with your boyfriend this is a much wanted child. I felt humiliated making those phone calls, and I did have a friend say "Oh Hrtbrken, WHY?" But, I too wanted another baby. And I was so glad once I met her
My husband and I have both lost friends over his affair. Not only MOW and her BS, but others who just don't understand. Now is the time to just focus on you, and getting you healthy. You guys sound like you're on the right track. Is your boyfriend answering your questions, and being honest? I try to always remember something I see on those In This Family signs I see from time to time: In this family, we do second chances. You are giving him a great gift, not only baby-wise, but in trying to reconcile with him. That takes a strong person.
I considered abortion for about a second, but knew it wasn't an option for me. WH REALLY wanted the baby, he looked at it as a chance for him to "do it right" in terms of being there for me during the pregnancy and after. Like Hrtbrken1, he was totally checked out during my pregnancy and after DD2 was born, and he regrets it very much.
The decision to R is so difficult and filled with so many ups and downs and heartbreaking moments, adding an unplanned pregnancy to that is almost incomprehensible; but it is reality for a few of us here. I think for us, it has been a good motivator. We want to be as healthy and happy as we can be before a new child comes along and turns our world upside down again
Pregnancy is a bid trigger for me too. I'm now on pelvic rest too, which means no sex for the next few months, which also makes me nervous. It is a real test.
Here is the thing, I (and you) can be a single mother to this baby, and it will be loved. It will be loved by his or her Daddy too, whether or not we are together. My number 1 priority is to take care of myself and my born and unborn children. If my WH continues to tow the line, he will be part of the equation, if he doesn't he won't be.
Stay in IC, you will have a lot of difficult and confusing feelings to sort through; but in the end, there is no greater gift than this baby. Allow yourself to feel happy for that as much as you can
I did get and std test after dday and so did he. Thank god we are in the clear.
I'm having a hard time trusting myself again. I never thought he would do this to me in the first place so I cannot trust the feeling him my heart that he won't do this again. I want to have happy days and moments again. I've been sad since I lost my baby and ever since then its been a downward spiral. I'm trying to stay positive for this baby who is so desperately wanted by both me and him. I want a fresh start and I want a family with him. Am I being stupid?
#1 priority is this baby's health. I know that. I have hope we are going to make it. It's just a lot in the span of 3 months. I'm terrified of telling my family who are against R. Telling them I want to move back in with him and hat we are expecting another child. Two months after we lost our son and one month after dday.