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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He says He left Me. which is not what happened...
Dawn4
♀ Member
Member # 34073
Question  Posted: 4:38 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone experienced this?
I left my XWS almost one year ago. I suspected he was cheating again and we were about to make a big move out of our city. I knew I couldn't go so I told him I didn't want to. Then I told him I wanted to separate. He ran away on a vacation for two days and then when he got back tried to convince me to stay and keep trying , even though I'd been trying for two years already.
Now he makes a point to tell me all the time "that's why I left you...". SO, I try not to be petty, after all who cares at this point. I did once get mad and run through what ACTUALLY happened with him though. I had suspicions he was cheating....AGAIN...and he treated me awfully, and I didn't want to move with him to a new town. That IS what happened. He says I ruined his weekend so he went on a trip and never came back.lol

I guess I wonder what could be wrong in his head that he can lie even to himself? OR, is it just that he has convinced himself that HE left ME as some kind of defense mechanism??
I guess I wonder if this is a common thing with XWS's.


" You must always know how long to stay and when to go." - Let Him Fly, The Dixie Chicks

"This sucks more than anything has ever sucked before". - Beavis and Butthead

Posts: 669 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Canada
stretch13
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Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

they rewrite history for themselves well after we ditch them it's really pathetic actually. and it makes you wonder even more about every dumb thing they told us about their lives before we met them.


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, he tells people that too. I guess if you interpret me catching you cheating, telling you to get the fuck out, changing the locks, and throwing all of your shit into a storage unit as YOU leaving ME, well, ok then.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3278 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine tells everyone I threw him out and I divorced him because I was having an affair.

Yes I did ask him to leave, because of his affair. He filed for divorce and he was the one married 2 weeks after.

First he was unhappy for a month.. then a couple of years.. then since our DD was born (she was 8yo at marriage implosion). He has rewritten history so often it is easier to assume that if his lips are moving - lies are spewing forth. Much easier.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4992 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ButterflyGirl
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Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes, they even lie to themselves. And I think they force themselves to believe the lies on a conscious level and leave the truth buried deep down where they don't have to look at it.

I'm pretty sure MOW thinks he left me (ha ha), and of course I was the cheater and abusive and a big ole' meanie. Whatever


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's very common.
The ex tells people the same thing. No mention of the fact he knocked up an OW and I kicked him out.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2582 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By their very definition, cheaters are liars. Don't let it bother you! He's a loser and you're much better off without him. Anyone who matters will believe you.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3299 | Registered: Dec 2011
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, they rewrite history. I personally find it comical. My ex-shat says that I threw him out, took him for all he was worth, alienated his son from him, tried to change Teslet's last name, with-hold info from him, never paid the bills and so ruined his credit. for awhile he was saying we were never married just faked a marriage for my family! I am sure there is much, much more. Meh. At this point any stories I hear are comical asides to his asshattery.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4607 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WXBF is the opposite... when he's telling people how I should be over this already (NC is pissing him off) he likes to throw out "Well she's the one who broke up with me!" And when they inevitably point out that of course I dumped him, he was CHEATING on me, he ends the conversation, never acknowledges it.

He does like to say how terribly unhappy he was. Because I wasnt constantly spewing rainbows. We had our spats like any couple. Usually about his "friend" Mrs. Robinson. All MY fault of course. Back in reality... we had fun together. We laughed a lot. If he was unhappy it was with himself.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
Strongmama
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Member # 33062
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds very common. Mine did the lta; left me and then came back and then left again (thank God!), and had the audacity to tell people I cheated!
They obviously don't know how to own their shit and love the sympathy.
I wish I had cheated on the scum bag, but I wouldn't and would have given him an ounce of respect, and left him first at least; I'm sweet like that
Ignore that crap, and let people find out how f'ed up he is on their own. That's the road I'm taking.

Posts: 662 | Registered: Aug 2011
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 3:03 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you had listened to my XWW she would have told you one of her dozens of stories about the demise of our M. From her leaving my drunken abusive ass to me abandoning her and my kids. The only truth to any of these stories if the fact that we were/are no longer together. For some reason they have a need to protect their image. I also think its a power trip thing as well. Being that they can no longer harm you in the emotional department. They do the next best thing and lie about the circumstances to get a rise out of you. What's really sad about the whole thing is that its also their way of holding on to you. In their sick twisted minds they feel that if they lie and demean you it keeps them involved in your life. And if you give them validation by arguing the fact they still hold control over you. Its best to let them spew their shit and ignore it. Nothing pisses an XWS more than not having the pleasure of getting a response from you. Early on I used to get angry and engage my XWW on the topic. But my IC told me that she did that to have free space in my life. That if I continued to engage she felt she still had power over me. IC advised me to simply ignore and respond with a friendly closing remark and shut the conversation down. I rarely speak to my XWW. We communicate via e-mail and text mostly. When she deviates from the topics that I allow her to talk to me about (ie my DS and finances) I simply tell her to have a nice day and shut down communication. That usually angers her to no end. She will attempt to bait me with further communication but I simply just delete whatever she is saying. I don't even read them. And knowing her like I do I'm sure she is having a vein bulging, eye popping fit cause she cant control me or my emotions any longer. And that simple fact gives me pleasure and a sense of victory. Try it because it works.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5591 | Registered: Nov 2007
jolene
♀ Member
Member # 17993
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XWH says that the decision was "mutual" and he NEVER mentions his affair(/s?). Lol. Whatever. I kicked his ass to the curb and his ego can't take it.


Divorced 10/2013! Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: btn rock and hard place
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. I kicked my husband out in the middle of the night but in his retelling he was already leaving in the middle of that same night so I guess I'm supposed to believe that my timing was a coincidence.

Just about every detail of our marriage, his affair and the aftermath changes depending on what point he is trying to make.

At this point I just try to remember that he is creating stories to explain to himself why he has no guilt or remorse that a normal human would have when behaving so terribly with someone they "love". He can't admit that something is wrong with him so rewriting history is one of his sad, immature coping mechanisms.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! That is just proof of how seriously fucked up they really are.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Aug 2010
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my POS literally ran away after I caught him AT OW#3's house. A few days after staying at her house he left the state to go to live with his mother. His fucked up logic? "I left to seek career opportunities and we just talked about it and you agreed...I didn't abandon the family." Yeah, right. I agreed that you would run away like a coward with no notice and no knowledge of where you were going, no notice to the kids, your whore drove you to the airport, and your vehicle is hidden in an undisclosed location to this day. Um, okay. And if you find anyone who believes that load of crap I've got a bridge to sell them...

Bottom line for me, as long as immediate family knows the truth I don't give a rat's ass what he tells anyone else or what they believe. He can concoct as many outlandish fairy tales as he wants, and the more bizarre the more entertaining they are. My kids, my relatives, and I know the truth and these 'stories' only support how big of a pathological liar he really is...his kids know they can't believe a word out of his mouth, which is sad, but his own doing...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Happydays
♂ Member
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't leave that opportunity to her. The manipulative lying woman that she had become, I knew she would make me look evil and that would be her reason to leave me.

While in the 180, I drove 100 miles to ex BIL and met him and showed him all the evidence. He was convinced and asked me to forgive her and reclaim the M.
I said I was willing but ex is not ready to part with OM.

I told ex's elder sister via internet chatting that ex was having an A with her boss. OM's name was xxx and they both plan to marry on 03/19/2013. I had email evidences and PI reports. I told her I'd forward them to you if required. I got no response from her. But, I knew my confidence in the outing was flawless and let no questions.

I told my ex In Laws about the A and FIL was convinced and asked me to forgive her. I replied with affirmation but ex was not willing to let go of OM.

MIL also told my mother that we were acting upon information given by OBS. Errr..yeah, wake the hell up ma'am, why the hell would OBS lie about her own H.

In the end In Laws were like do what make you happy DD we will always be for you.

Ex was texting OM on the day of D. To hell with her. I'm done with you. If you are happy to accept crumbs from OM and be his mistress then so be it. I'm outta here.


BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Revenge  Posted: 7:43 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's very common.
In my situation he spun a total lie/fake story too.

Posts: 4693 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 17

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