SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I sent this to my atty. yesterday. I've thought it was finally going to be manageable. Finally get a grip on finances so we don't lose all the properties. Now this new trick. I've spent so many nights watching the bank for deposits it's amazing that I can function at all. He is completely ignoring every court order.

Dear Attorney;

I've been sitting at the computer since two this morning waiting for the direct deposit from XYZ to be put into the account. Checking every 5 to 15 minutes. It's still not there. This is more than exhausting. It's crazymaking to the NTH degree. I've felt I'm losing my mind, once again. The account is so overdrawn it's ridiculous (thousands) and even if I take every penny there won't be enough to pay the mortgage and bills that are due.

He's figured out a new trick. He's going grocery shopping and selling the food. I'm assuming it's meat and I know he can sell that at any bar in Boston. God only knows how much he's actually getting on the items but I'm sure it's discounted and that anyone that is buying from him is laughing at him and saying SURE! I've seen this scenario in bars and taverns all of my life. It's usually a junkie or just a plain old thief that's selling stolen goods. Often from thier own mother. It's a very old tradition in our hometown. One man has made a fabulous business out of this but he's done it with legal merchandise that he drives around the city and walks in with socks, jackets, shoes, sneakers, you name it he's got it and he's just bought a home on the cape with the reputation he's built doing this. Anyway....

I'm posting a copy of the bank statement from this morning. It clearly shows his shopping trips over the last 3 days. The first I think was really for his use. Something must have triggered his thought to sell because he went back. He's so clueless? No. It's the only way he had to get money. We've had no money in the account for days now so he is just writing bad checks. Every time he writes a bad check or automatically pays a bill electronically we are being charged. When they refuse the payment they charge and then he resubmits the bill and they charge again. Boy is this fun.

The sooner we can get him arrested the sooner the bills MIGHT get paid. I haven't been able to pay the mortgage on the Boston property yet. I intended to pay that and the insurance on that property with this check. At this rate I will only be able to pay the mortgage and maybe a few smaller bills that are overdue. I have no idea what he's done with his classic car.

He really needs to be put away so that I can save our properties.

Here is the copy of the online bank statement this morning:

Right after I wrote this I sent a note to my art mentor and let her know that I can't return to her tutelage because of this recent turn. I had so hoped that painting and drawing again would help me heal. FML. This sucks eggs. What is next?

Most grocery markets also sell gift cards, which are easy to resell online almost at face value.

((((curiouswiz))))

This has to be crazy-making, curious. I'm sorry if you've already covered this, but is it possible to get garnishment in place and get your name off that joint account?

We've petitioned for me to be able to access his medical records, direct deposits and all other accounts.

Also petitioned for his immediate arrest.

I can't remove myself from the accounts because all of his income is directly deposited into them. Thus, wake at 2 a.m. and keep checking sometimes for days til the deposits are in and try to get whatever I can that way.

I think the court will arrest him due to his complete disregard for any orders they've made. Just hope it's in time to stay afloat.

I didn't even think of gift cards but the amounts are odd...$96.15, $103.05, etc. brand new game here. Dealing with TBI/NPD/PA/Junky. Yay me!

Since you're on the account, do you have the ability to have his card (I assume he's using a card) deactivated?

During my separation I discovered that my ex was going to the grocery store daily, purchasing groceries for $10-15 and taking $100 cash back each time.

He was systematically liquidating all our money. Of course I found this out after the fact.

It amazing how low they can go!!

He hasn't attracted any attention for the repeated bad checks? Have they issued the warrant for contempt yet?

The court granted all that my atty. requested due to his lack of response to all petitions and in the court hearing in February for emergency SS he told the judge to "Just do what you want because it doesn't matter anyway." The judge inserted that with quotes into the document granting the order.

I've received the contempt order and he's ignored that. Just waiting for the arrest order to come through to help me get a handle. I could go there and have shitlicker arrested for trespassing as she's been ordered to pay $1,000 a month in rent if she lives there, otherwise she's trespassing. This was ordered months ago.

I last saw him at the end of last month when he came to get his classic car and he brought her with him! WTF? Drove around this tiny town with her. Had a beer and lunch with her here. How I maintained my composure is beyond me. I honestly don't know how I didn't go completely off my rocker. I want to punch them both with a good sucker punch to the face. I'm just amazed at the cruelty. He's also lost so much more weight that he's now skeletal. It elicits sympathy, he's so fragile, my big strong electrician/construction manager is fragile.

I thought love was strong and healthy. Well, if that's love it sucks I tell ya. I don't know how long he can possibly live and am surprised that he is still alive. It made me cry to look at him. He's lost over 80 lbs. Maybe more. A shriveled mess.

I wonder how long it will it will take for the order to arrest him is granted. And then, can I direct the police to him? Do I go the police station and tell them first or wait til I'm sure where he is and then call?

I am actually looking forward to him being jailed. That's so sad, but I know he'll get food and care whether he likes it or not.

I knew he was selling the food because he's certainly not eating! It just 'clicked' that he's selling it!

Curious, I do not know all your history. Is ws ill, or on drugs? Perhaps this is information you've already mentioned in SI. Don't mean to intrude or offend, just wondered. This huge weight loss matched with selling odd things to get money, sounds like either of the above.

This is sad. So sorry you have to see this and watch the road he's on.

My best.

ThinkingToomuch; I think he is on heroin now too. I know that she is a junky and I've found a crack pipe. I don't know if you can smoke heroin. He also was injured and has a brain injury. Parkinson's disease. He's just wasting away.

NIK; I'm afraid to take him off the account for fear of him changing the account for direct deposits. Nothing I say or do will stop this destruction.

Roughroad; I'm praying to God that his name is out there now! The market's (yes two) have redeposited the checks twice already and each time they are rejected we are charged $32. Multiply that by dozens of times each month by a year and a half.

I actually felt my brain was cracking down the side one day last week! Yes! I am pretty well educated and have always had to be strong because I had no other choice but that has to be one of the strangest feelings I've ever had! I just keep coming here and try not to let NIK make me cry with her sympathy! I'm so grateful to be here and so grateful to be able to vent!

I'm reaching a point where I can't stay awake long enough to sleep normal hours. Seems 2 a.m. is going to be my normal until he's jailed. Maybe then I will even sleep for more than a few hours.

How is he even holding down a job to have money that is deposited ??

I feel so badly for your situation. But once he gets jailed and cannot work, there won't be money coming in either. So what is your plan for then?

Curious, I feel so bad, it must be exhausting!!

I was wondering the same thing as PurpleRose about the money, once he's jailed?

He hasn't worked since he got hurt on the job in 2002. He was nearly killed. He was shattered on the entire left side of his body. From the TBI, to broken jaw, broken scapula, 7 ribs, his spine, hips, lost his hearing on that side too because of the fall.

I nursed him for nearly a year before he could walk with a cane.

He receives social security disability and has an annuity for the injuries as well as 2 pensions from 2 unions.

I've been sitting here since 2 a.m. again but the check hasn't gone in. It's been a week of watching and nothing is there except the more than a thousand dollars overdrawn at the bank

I have a sick feeling that he's either sold the annuity or has diverted it to another bank. I'm so sick and depressed.

I've even alienated the only relative besides my kids and grandkids. I told her yesterday to never FN call me FN ever! I hate everyone today! My kids are mad that I'm upset because they couldn't call me Mother's Day. I should grow up I guess.

But to tell the truth? I fucking hate everyone today. Everyone. FML!

oops

[This message edited by curiouswiz at 7:38 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

A brand new low. While doing guard duty on the checking account this morning a new check was issued. Bringing the account even further into the red. It was for $200.00 so I clicked figuring he must have gotten cash from somewhere.

He wrote a bad check to shitlicker's mother! So she will now have charges for insufficient funds added to her account too...how FN low can you really go? Her mother?

I went to atty. yesteday unannounced, just walked in dazed and trying to be composed to let him know we have to get him arrested asap. He set an appt. up for Thursday. I just can't believe this.

Does anyone know how long it takes to get someone arrested once a bench warrant is issued? Kiting checks is against the law. He knows there's no money. If he's actually diverted the annuity I've been waiting to use for the mortgage, etc. then it's kiting and fraud right?

Just want him in jail. Please tell me this will end before I'm homeless. I'm so exhausted from being my own detective! The paperwork, the attorney, the covering his ass in so many ways still. How soon can I expect him to be locked in a cell so I can be safe? Help me. Please. I don't now where to get the strength to keep this up.

Did you see the post I put up that heartbreak can kill you? Well, I'm certain it can and I'm doing my best but it feels like I'm dying of exhaustion and heartbreak.

(((CW))))

I am so sorry you are dealing with this much crap.

I have no idea how long it takes for him to get arrested but I'll be sending out vibes for you. Does he have an attorney?

Thanks hexed...he doesn't NEED an attorney. WTF? He's just doing what he wants and he's even told the judge to "Do whatever you want it doesn't matter."

He has not responded to court period. I guess he feels it will all just go away.

I'm in shock over the $200 check to her mother. Her own mother and I'd bet it was her idea!

I so wish I had an end date to look forward to. This madness is so difficult to to take. I'm not sure I can take much more.