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Newest Member: alwaysnforever (44266)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: off the deep end.
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night he went crazy and assaulted my kids and me during my sons ball game. I'm in shock right now.

Who is this man? He is not the man I loved, married, and built a beautiful family with. He is a complete stranger to me. And a scary one at that.

He was arrested for DV since we are married. In our state it's mandatory, but there was plenty of evidence anyway. I have ugly bruises on my arms and a swollen elbow from him throwing me into a fence.

I can't believe this. I am in shock and haven't slept yet. My children are completely traumatized and slept with me, afraid he would show up at our house.

The judge ordered a protective order, but I don't think it covers my kids yet. Still working on getting all the details straight.

I hate this. I am very sad and disappointed that he has resorted to violence against me and the kids- and in front of all those people. How is this real? He was supposed to be my protector, not this monster he has become. And now I'm mad that he has hurt my children like this.

I am waiting to hear about when he is released. He'll probably get out today on bond. Just want him to get help and leave me alone.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3523 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my god, PR! Thank god you were in a public place with plenty of witnesses!
(((((PR and kiddos))))
You are your children's protector now. Do whatever you have to do.

FTG...may someone make him his bitch while he's waiting to post bond.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4552 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my God!!! (((PR and kids))). What makes them turn into the monsters they do is beyond me. Maybe this will be his wake up call that he totally F#$%ed Up and needs help. Just keep you and your kids safe and away from him. Make sure you are not alone if you can. Have an escape plan in place with your children. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh no!! No no no no!! What the fuck? I am relieved you are alive and your children are alive! I don't know what to say. Shit. I wish there was more I could do or say. I am so sorry you and your children were traumatized by this monster. Hugs hugs hugs!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2115 | Registered: Oct 2012
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((PurpleR and kids))))))

So sorry to read this. Keep yourself and your kids safe from him. Glad that you're okay. This is awful.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4131 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG! PR - I am so very sorry you and your children were put through such a traumatic incident.

Stay safe. Keep your guard up. Press forward in every way possible to ensure that you are all ok.

((((((PR & kids))))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24434 | Registered: Aug 2011
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((PR))) I am SO sorry to hear this. Keep yourself and the kids safe, and please keep us updated - we are all very concerned for you.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4374 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((PurpleRose and kids)))

I am so sorry. Please notify your childrens' school so they are aware of the situation. Stay safe. Sending you strength.


Posts: 33855 | Registered: Mar 2011
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe you need to insist on the protective order being effective for your children as well. I'm sure he will pull out all the stops with apologies to get you to drop the charges but if he will do this once, he will do it again and it might escalate to something worse. There have been enough news reports of people killing their spouse and children in the news to make me leery of anyone who would become violent like that. Don't drop this. Next time, it might not end with bruises.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 3961 | Registered: Sep 2005
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Purplerose))))

I am sorry. I hope you and your children are afforded every protection and justice.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 843 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading this has made me feel quiet. Scary quiet. Like the kind of silent quiet before a storm.

Are the locks changed on your house? Garage door codes changed or the doors unplugged? Don't leave your garage door opener in your vehicle(s). Do you have magnetic alarms on your doors & windows? They're cheap & simply glue into place. Do your children know about calling 911? Have you rehearsed exit plans in case someone breaks into your home & attacks you? Do your kids know where to safely run/hide/get help if you cannot do it for them?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9277 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Jayne Doe
♀ Member
Member # 32664
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PR - first of all - I am sending you & your kids hugs, lots of hugs.

Do you have anywhere you can go? Family? Friend?? Anywhere to get out of there??

Someone else posted you should let their school know. I AGREE!!!

Stay safe sweety, stay safe!


Everyday is a blank canvas, and only you hold the brush.
30y M traded in for a POM (pathetic Old Maid 46, 2 kids from different dads. never married)
S 11/11, D final 1/14.

Posts: 1454 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Suburbia, Arizona
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As of right now he is still in custody. They will let me know if/when that status changes.

He has been increasingly passive aggressive lately. I really don't post much because he is reading here, so I just give support instead of asking for it now. Part of his escalated PA behavior is due to the fact that I am moving out of our marital home.

The kids and I move at the end of the month (not news to him). I'm pretty sure he is pissed about my NB, based on his recent ridiculousness. Last night was just a complete explosion of his lack of control over me and my decisions any more.

We are safe and have a flight plan should we need it. I've got an enormous network of friends in my large neighborhood (I teach here) and we already have multiple offers of places to go should I feel unsafe at a moments notice.

I am sore and shaken today, but looking forward to moving on. I really don't understand his PA or his anger, and certainly not this level of anger. I can only control me, so I will continue on my path where I do the right thing, keep all of my kids healthy and safe, and move forward with my divorce.

It took him 4 months to sign the temporary orders. I don't get it. This is what he wanted - divorce from me. He's getting that and I get assaulted!??!

Sorry I'm rambling. Wonder what his "proud parents" must be thinking now?? The fact is, he has made a grave error here, and his assault charge will follow him forever.

Like I said before, I am mostly sad about this. He really was my KISA, and I deeply loved him. Now I grieve the man he was, as that man is dead and gone to me forever after this.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3523 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, the schools already know(even on Saturday) as I teach at my sons school and have tons of friends at my daughter's school. No worries there.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3523 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry to hear this PR. Prayers for you and the kids.

Get proactive: windows and doors, and bug spray is a good mace substitute.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((PR)))

hang in there. You sound very strong and calm. Don't feel crazy or afraid to ask for help if you have a moment of weakness or fear or any PTSD symptoms. The body's reaction to trauma and attack can be delayed.

I am proud of you and I am sorry this happened to you!!!

Super huge (((hugs))) and peace to you and the kids.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5595 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
doggiemom12
Member
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow - he sounds very dangerous. It will only get worse the closer you get to leaving. Any way you can leave now while he is in jail? That would probably be safest. Hope he does not have a weapon.

Take care of yourself.


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His bail is rather large, and the officer who called me said he won't be getting out until he pays the bond. Since I know he doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together, I'm fairly confident we are ok for now with him in jail.

The protective order was granted. He cannot come within 200 yards of me, cannot contact me or my family member in a harassing or threatening manner, and is prohibited from coming to my house.

Not that I am naive enough to believe violent men always follow a PO, but as long as he's behind bars I am ok and safe. When he's released I will evaluate our situation.

My dad will be flying out to stay with me in a few days ( don't want specifics posted). Thank you for the support my friends.. All of your PMs mean a lot to me!!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3523 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so horrible! I am sorry that he did that to you. With passive aggressive people a lot of the things they do/ get angry about doesn't make since.

Sounds like he is out to punish you....please stay safe.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 618 | Registered: Jan 2012
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((PurpleRose)))

Thinking of you and I'm so glad that he'll be behind bars for a while yet and that your dad is coming out.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3266 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 52
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