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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Illegal and/or Cruel?
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello. I hope i am posting in the right place. In an hour of intense pain, i created a facebook page just for my experienced infidelity and i made it public. It includes pictures of my WS with married OW, clothes and naked, as well as links to "favorites" like movies/books/tv shows about adultery.

I have made it public. I have included on some pictures the OWs name. I am still mulling over whether or not to tell OW's husband, a "good decent man."

So first is posting this pictures something which is illegal (especially the naked ones of OW) and second, well, I think i already know the answer, is it cruel?

I have a great deal of empathy for OWs husband and struggle daily with whether or not to tell him, but I don't think FB is likely the "nicest" way for him to find out. Not only is it potentially public and would shame him not only within himself but potentially with people he knows but if i told him gently in person that would be less cruel.

Of course I would like to OUT the OW but really, really don't want to spread my pain to any undeserving person! I am in SUCH agony.

thank you for any advice


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspect you have just opened yourself up to being sued, possibly successfully. I suspect what you did is illegal.

I don't debate the cruelty aspect. I think you've just burned yourself severely by playing with fire.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9856 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd be more concerned of it being illegal. I could see it being considered harassment. Personally I think you should take it down immediately in the hopes no one has seen it or is already making a case against you.

Unfortunately, the law doesn't care if someone is deserving or not.


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
neverbeokay
Member
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure if it is illegal. It is definitely a violation of Facebook rules. So if they complain you could be banned from Facebook, if you care about that.

Look, I get how hurt you are, we all do. If I were you I would remove that page on work on creating a happy life for myself.

((TheAgony))


Posts: 306 | Registered: Sep 2005
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in a similar dilemma myself.. I have decided my friend is going to take everything and show H of OW. .That's what you want,right, for him to know? You can do all that other stuff later if you want, but you need to appear professional and classy when you or a friend meets with him. There's always time to do the other stuff, just make sure it's hidden somewhere off premises.


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2250 | Registered: Jan 2012
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy crap! You need to take that down. I get that you are hurting, but revenge will not make you feel better, and what you have done is definitely against Facebook rules and likely against some law, somewhere. It's one thing to tell people what happened. In fact, I encourage it. It's quite another, however, to post someone's nude pictures online or tell personal information about someone in a public forum, such as Facebook.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone so much for your rational thought and good advice. Naked pictures are all gone. Hopefully I did it in time. Thank you for responding to me in my temporary insanity! Pain can do that to a person, I guess.

Healing wishes to all.


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But please, please tell the OW's H. I wish someone had told me, instead of letting me live a lie.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3427 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know, I want to save him from a life of lies but I also want to protect him from the worst type of agony.


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^ you're not protecting him from anything other than the truth..and he is being robbed of the ability to make his own choices and decisions about his life.

Please tell.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7743 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I hire someone to tell him? Honestly I don't think I can do it. If he lived next door, I could walk over there. But to get to him, I have to plan and i just don't think i have it in me to "stalk" and wait. Agony agony.


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can ask someone on SI to tell him..start a thread asking for help..you can send copies of emails,texts,etc to the SI member and they will inform him. It's been done like that before.

I just read your other post on JFO..please..just tell him. It's going to hurt him no matter where he is told..he just needs to be told. You are not causing the pain..you are giving him the gift of the truth. You could also be saving his life..she could very well infect him with an STD thanks to her whoring around...tell him. The sooner the better.

You have the support of most BS's on SI..that they would have wanted to be told if the OBS found out before they did. We nearly all agree..we would rather know,than not know. The truth is always better than a lie. ALWAYS.

I understand that it's hard..and I think you must be very kind,to be putting so much thought into telling him...so be kind to this poor man,and tell him the truth.


(((((TAOI))))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7743 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
TheAgonyOfIt
♀ Member
Member # 39114
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you. i will figure out how to tell him at some point and thank you for the suggestion of SI folks helping out. I just wish I knew someone personally. as for STDs, honestly i think the OW is not a whore. I think she and my WS were "the perfect storm," both unhappy with whatever in their lives, both very attracted to each other and the unique excitement of an affair, both deluded with the idea of "not hurting anyone," might have even truly made a good couple if she were not unwilling to give up her marriage/family, and my WS can be very, very charming and sexy. On the surface, they seem more compatible than I am with WS, which is another killer. Of course who knows what might have happened in the "real world," but I do believe they sincerely loved each other, even if it was stage 1 or 2 romantic love.

I was just tested friday for STDs just because you're supposed to do that, and highly doubt anything comes up positive. So the STD thing is likely not a real issue in telling him.

I just want my pain over everything to go away. That is my primary concern right now. It has to be. And I have no idea how to do it. Except day by day by day by day by agonizing day.


Me BS 49, ExWS: narcissist! Jekyll Hyde. Left in secret early July, moved states. Now homeless but getting it together. Necessary but difficult(!) transition! Sad sad sad but hopeful.

Posts: 554 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: theagonyofit
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW doesn't have to be a "whore." She has sex outside of her marriage. Her BH is having sex with his wife, thinking she is safe.

Many BS's have gotten STD's from their WS. They're not whores. Anyone can have an STD...including the OW.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7743 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yikes! I hope you took the whole FB page down and not just the naked pics.

I don't know if it is illegal but I think there is a strong possibility it is. Shout it from the rooftops to out him, but be vary careful of what is in writing because it can most definitely bite you in the @ss at some point.

I understand the pain of it. Yes, I understand that loud and clear and I have done many stupid things in the past three years because of all of the pain inflicted upon me. But just be very, very careful of what is out there in writing. I would hate to see you get in legal trouble because of all of this.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 15

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