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Newest Member: utterlydone (44718)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 2nd marriage and betrayed again!
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yet another club member. My first H cheated on me with two women--I had no idea. When I found out, I left him, because the marriage had been unsatisfying for a while, and that was the last straw. Also, he showed no remorse.

With H#2--FWH--I chose to stay because (a) he is remorseful, and (b) there is an awful lot of good in our relationship, so the M seems worth salvaging.

But doesn't it just make you want to spit carpet tacks? I mean, betrayed twice???

The thing is, my FWH (H#2) divorced his first wife because she cheated on him. During a recent conversation, I asked: "Don't you remember how devastated you were when XWW cheated on you with OM?" And he said, "I'd forgotten all about that until you mentioned it just now." How do you forget these things? The mind boggles.

ETA: Hugs, Memphis, and everyone else too. I am so sorry you're going through this.

[This message edited by SadFlower at 3:02 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 389 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Memphis
♀ New Member
Member # 39303
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. . . still sitting on the fence.

Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a member of this club too. It is mind boggling. I met WH#2 not long after WH#1 left. I wasn't ready for a relationship at the time, and told WH#2 how much painI was in and how devastated I was. I made him promise over and over (even while we were dating) that he would never do that to me. I made him promise over and over that if he wanted to leave, leave. If he wanted to go with another woman, please leave me first. I begged him. I told him it would completely devastate me.
I said please, if you are upset, let's either work it out or leave each other. Don't do that to me.

Over our 20 year marriage, I would bring that up from time to time. Remind him if he was ever upset, or unhappy to talk about it first.

I guess that's why I am more devastated this time. My two older boys were teens and I told him when we got married that I was afraid to start over with kids because I didn't want to raise teens again, especially alone.

And what does WH#2 do? The same thing!!! We have 2 sons.

I think too, the second time also opens up old the old wounds, wounds that we thought were completely healed, but they really aren't.

The first time, you are in love and don't expect it, but the second time you think you are smarter, more prepared, trying to prevent it.

It's truly devastating.


Posts: 1939 | Registered: Jan 2010
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add me to the club...my XSO was also a betrayed spouse. He used the same words to me that his XW used on him.

That was a year ago. I am taking my time to figure me out. Like Heart I am struggling with the "I am not worthy enough to be faithful to".

Hugs to us all...


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5014 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Memphis
♀ New Member
Member # 39303
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was in therapy the first time around and can't say that it's helped very much; there have just been too many times, and still are, I want to be on the other side of the world and away from everyone and everything. What I'm saying is, I don't believe time will make things right. I'm not a young girl anymore. All of this worries me. I know what I have to offer and yet it's not recognized. I shouldn't rely on anyone to validated me. I know this! Yet my H is a vital part of my life who hasn't validated me. Why should this be so important? I apologize if I sound like a broken record. I'm just trying to figure things out. Hugs to you.

Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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