I'm a member of this club too. It is mind boggling. I met WH#2 not long after WH#1 left. I wasn't ready for a relationship at the time, and told WH#2 how much painI was in and how devastated I was. I made him promise over and over (even while we were dating) that he would never do that to me. I made him promise over and over that if he wanted to leave, leave. If he wanted to go with another woman, please leave me first. I begged him. I told him it would completely devastate me.
I said please, if you are upset, let's either work it out or leave each other. Don't do that to me.
Over our 20 year marriage, I would bring that up from time to time. Remind him if he was ever upset, or unhappy to talk about it first.
I guess that's why I am more devastated this time. My two older boys were teens and I told him when we got married that I was afraid to start over with kids because I didn't want to raise teens again, especially alone.
And what does WH#2 do? The same thing!!! We have 2 sons.
I think too, the second time also opens up old the old wounds, wounds that we thought were completely healed, but they really aren't.
The first time, you are in love and don't expect it, but the second time you think you are smarter, more prepared, trying to prevent it.
It's truly devastating.