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Newest Member: peluche (44913)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How to Help My BS
Jack317
♂ New Member
Member # 39010
Stop  Posted: 7:40 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have done so many bad things to her. I have never seen her so depressed and angry and hurt. I cant get her to open up about anything except the A. All of those little things that I love about her and this quiet, withdrawn, and cynnical (which is totally out of character) woman in the shell of the woman I love.

I just want to know how to help her. She doesnt sleep and keeps on getting stress migranes, and those are things that have never happened. She keeps her phone off and wont take calls. She is sick all of the time and doesnt keep food down all that well, but I cant get her to talk to me!!!! I am really scared and worried for her. I know that I did this, but what can I do to even begin to undo it?!?!

P lease give me advice. I just want her not to hurt anymore and would do ANYTHING to help her!!!!


Posts: 23 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Jack317
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair"?

I know it's not a fix-all but it's a good start, IMO.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciled and remarried.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Forever_Sorry
♂ Member
Member # 23167
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that I did this, but what can I do to even begin to undo it?!?!

You cant undo it, Jack.

I cant get her to talk to me!!!

Here's the problem... its still about you. You dont want to hear this, but the damage you've done is irreversible. Now its up to her to decide if she ever even wants to talk to you again... and, yes, that is HER choice, not yours.


When the pain outweighs the fear, thats when you make the changes.

Posts: 334 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Michigan
SandAway
♀ Member
Member # 37775
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

exactly what Forever_Sorry said.

You have done plenty; and then some.

Right now you have DEVASTATED her with what you have done.

Be there when she is ready. Work on yourself. Read, write, listen & read more.


fWW
BH Tred
M 16yrs
DDay Nov. 2011

Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people


Posts: 433 | Registered: Dec 2012
longroadhome
♂ Member
Member # 32428
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NOTE: The following is said in a spirit of love and helpfulness. Anytime a person needs CPR, it is common that they suffer a couple of broken ribs as a result. It's for their own good. You, brother, need CPR.

Jack,

I have never seen her so depressed and angry and hurt. I cant get her to open up about anything except the A.

And this surprises you why? She's watching ATV...24 hours a day, 7 days a week, non-stop, commercial-free "Jack's A ruined my life" programming. You've broken NC, you showed the ow SI and outed your BS's posts. You're making everything about you. You are terrorizing her right now. If you want to help her, stop hurting her. Stop with the half-assed pity-party attention seeking behaviors. Put your bullshit aside and dig in. Do the work on yourself and do everything...everything, Jack, that's in your power to help her come back. Start taking accountability for the pain you've caused, accept that you can't undo it, and get to work.

Enough whining, Jack. You're saying the same thing over and over in different ways. Time for some real action. Its on you to make it happen.


Me: WH
Her: BW, and the most amazing, beautiful person I've ever known

It is counterintuitive really... the less we defend our well-being, the more well we feel. ~ Nancy Colier


Posts: 547 | Registered: Jun 2011
Topic Posts: 5

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