I just wrote a post to BS's about being careful what they ask, as many of the answers can bring painful triggers that will last a long, long time.
From the beginning I was careful what I asked, especially after one piece of information crushed me, one that wasn't relevant to the overall picture and I would have been better off not knowing it.
While your BS may be afraid to ask a certain question for fear of the answer, their mind will likely drum up the worst possible scenario, when it may not be the case at all. Or they might not even think to ask it. They just assume it. One thing you can do to ease at least some of the horror is to offer pieces of information you know you spouse would WANT to know, that would squelch any wonderings they may have about something.
For instance, my FWS did a hike with the OW on the mountain I have a view of behind my house. Because of that and another interaction I had there with both him and her before their A, that mountain just represents the A to me. I initially imagined them alone on the mountain, hugging and kissing, etc. BLEH! Turns out, they weren't even alone. Her sister was with them and they were very "platonic". While I still hate the mountain and am moving away from it soon, it doesn't make me as sick as it would had I still had this fabricated information in my mind.
If you can come up with information to tell your BS without them asking that "didn't" happen, thing you "didn't" do, places you "didn't" go to, etc., that would ease his or her mind without them having to ask for fear they won't like the answer . . . yet assuming the worst anyway.
I hope this makes sense. I know it can be hard to know what would be a positive thing to relieve your spouse's anxiety on any particular subject without them ever asking the question, but maybe as conversations come up, something will come to mind.
[This message edited by jo2love at 8:09 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]
