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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: starting IC today
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Stop  Posted: 7:50 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tonight I have my first IC appointment. I am nervous for many reasons...I have been to counseling before that was years ago and for something far less serious. I am not sure what to expect but am ready for it. One concern I do have is the center I am going to is church based....I know this sight doesn't allow debates on religion and I'm not going to debate anything.....I only mention it because I am concerned how much of the therapy will center around Faith and religion. I guess the best way to deal with that is just ask the therapist.
Any advice or thoughts on what to expect with IC?


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 806 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a fairly well known counseling center in our area which is part of a large church. We don't attend that church and weren't looking for counseling specifically from that perspective. So for us, it worked out well enough. Every once in a while there would be a mention of faith or God's plan, but it wasn't like "you have to do this because..."

Be up front with them. Let them know the level of IC you are looking for, whether it is faith based or not.

Also, I think you should go in with a goal, rather than looking to the IC to tell you what they think you should do.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Finally10
♂ Member
Member # 36900
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I go to a Christian Counselling Center for my IC and the first question after the introductions was do you want a "Christian" approach or a secular approach to our work here? So the best thing to do is to explain what you want and go from there.

Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2012
EvolvingSoul
♀ Member
Member # 29972
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, kudos for taking steps in a positive direction. Good IC has been a cornerstone for my healing and personal growth. The fruits borne from my efforts there have flowed into the relationship I have with BS and has made it possible for me to become (I hope) a safer partner. It's okay to feel nervous, you're just going to talk about your story and your feelings and they are whatever they are. If you feel nervous, talk about that.

While I am not a practicing Christian, my therapist is (and the group she belongs to I believe all the therapists are specifically Christian) and it has never been any source of weirdness or pressure. We do talk about spiritual things sometimes but it is generally at my behest rather than hers.

Anyway, you're starting the journey. And this isn't seeing you off, as in, good luck bon voyage! You're getting on the path that so many of us here are strung along at various points of progress. And that's the terrific thing about this place, no matter where one is in the journey. There are people here who are farther along the path, people who seem to be trekking along side by side and still other people who are just stepping on. The shared wisdom of the people farther along the path, the consolation from those who are going through the same thing as us right now, and the inspiration to reach out to the people who are struggling at the places we ourselves have already been...to me that is what SI is all about.

So, instead of bon voyage, welcome to the path from a fellow EvolvingSoul.

[This message edited by EvolvingSoul at 3:46 PM, May 20th (Monday)]


Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.


Posts: 277 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you have concerns about religious counseling, why did you choose that? Surely there must be other options?


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1971 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Alyssamd24
♀ Member
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you evolving soul for the kind words.
Baxter, I was just unsure what to expect...since I haven't ever been in this situation I was just hoping people could tell me a little of what they have experienced in IC. I obviously have a goal....to fix my relationship with my BH and my marriage.
Mrs Panda the reason I chose this specific center is it was one of the few counseling centers in my area that took my insurance and could actually take me on as a new client. And I knew I could talk to the therapist and see if they do take a strict Christian approach or a secular one. As Finally said, the therapist did explain that to me and gave me a choice as to which I would prefer.


"I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against because he's all I ever knew of love"

Posts: 806 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
WhatHaveIDone??
♀ Member
Member # 30054
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alyssa-

I could not agree with ES more:

Good IC has been a cornerstone for my healing and personal growth.

I was fortunate to find a great IC on the first try. Best honest with your IC - even when you dont want to be honest with yourself, your IC can help you accept what you dont want to and learn how to handle things. I am 3 years in to R now and can say without a doubt that my IC has been critical to my healing and my role in healing my M. I still go every other week and still find it to be very helpful.

If you dont feel comfortable with this IC, you can always try another - lots of people on SI dont find the right fit the first time. But make sure you feel comfortable talking with this person.

Good luck! I hope it works out.


Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 7

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