Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: betterneverlate (44986)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I need advice
HealingmyHeart85
♀ New Member
Member # 29696
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a long time since I've posted here. 3 years (ish) to give a timeframe. My husband had an emotional and physical affair in 2010 and since then we have done counseling and worked hard at our marriage. Slowly, the trust built back up and we started a family. Our son is 8 months old. For the first year I was very skeptical of my husband and still questioned everything. The second year I realized he had done everything I had asked of him, he was open and honest about things in the past, cut off all female coworkers to make me feel better, let me have access to his phone ( not in the "I want to snoop" way, but his phone was available if I needed to use it and he didn't act like there was anything on the phone to hide).

He left today for a 6 month deployment. And not to be "oversharing" but since having our son our BC method is condoms. I'm still trying to find the best fit for me. There is a pack of condoms missing. As in, I noticed the pack in the glove compartment of his truck 2 nights ago, and now gone, since he left today. He went to medical 2 days ago and said they offered free condoms. Which I believe.

We sort of share vehicles. My husbands truck doesn't have backseats so he picks up my car to get our son from daycare and I drive his truck home. He said he figured I saw the condoms in the truck since I drive the vehicle on a daily basis and obviously if he was doing something wrong he wouldn't have left them in plain sight and just taken them with him. I just don't know.

Based on his behavior the past 2 years I want to believe him but I feel all this doubt creeping into my mind. Thoughts? Thanks in advance.


DDay #1-June 28, 2010 (my birthday) Found out about EA with a co-worker
DDay #2-July 6, 2010 found out he met girl #2 on a business trip
DDay #3 September 17, 2010 found out EA #1 was also a PA. Also, 1st day of NC....so I think....

Posts: 36 | Registered: Sep 2010
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What country is the deployment? Will he be on base the whole time?
I am sorry, but I would be skeptical too,
I think it's better to be cautious.


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said he figured I saw the condoms in the truck since I drive the vehicle on a daily basis and obviously if he was doing something wrong he wouldn't have left them in plain sight and just taken them with him. I just don't know.

Has he given you any "reason" why they are suddenly gone?

(((HUGS)))) either way.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
HealingmyHeart85
♀ New Member
Member # 29696
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night I mentioned needing another cell phone charger for my phone and he said he had one in his truck and would grab it in the morning. The charger was in the glove box with the condoms. He said he grabbed those also, since he saw them at the time and they probably shouldn't sit out in the car for months while he was gone. He told me he thinks he tossed them in his closet (we have separate closets). I looked and can't find them. He said maybe he put them somewhere else, since as he says " it wasn't a big deal to bring them in and leave them." Basically he claims he wouldn't have even thought of them unless he had grabbed the charger for me. What do I do? Believe or not? Why is this coming up now when things are finally good? I hate that things that 3 years ago wouldn't have bothered me now cause doubt. He's such a good dad, and really worked on our relationship. I'm so torn. He said he would never do that again. "He has to much to lose and learned from his past."


DDay #1-June 28, 2010 (my birthday) Found out about EA with a co-worker
DDay #2-July 6, 2010 found out he met girl #2 on a business trip
DDay #3 September 17, 2010 found out EA #1 was also a PA. Also, 1st day of NC....so I think....

Posts: 36 | Registered: Sep 2010
HealingmyHeart85
♀ New Member
Member # 29696
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also wanted to say thank you for the responses and being so supportive. I don't want to confide in friends since I really don't know what is going on. At the same time, with my husband leaving I'm suddenly feeling very alone and worried. It's nice to have feedback from others who understand. Thank you all so much.


DDay #1-June 28, 2010 (my birthday) Found out about EA with a co-worker
DDay #2-July 6, 2010 found out he met girl #2 on a business trip
DDay #3 September 17, 2010 found out EA #1 was also a PA. Also, 1st day of NC....so I think....

Posts: 36 | Registered: Sep 2010
HealingmyHeart85
♀ New Member
Member # 29696
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And to answer a previous poster. South Korea. On military base housing for 6 months. Could possibly be shortened to 4 months.


DDay #1-June 28, 2010 (my birthday) Found out about EA with a co-worker
DDay #2-July 6, 2010 found out he met girl #2 on a business trip
DDay #3 September 17, 2010 found out EA #1 was also a PA. Also, 1st day of NC....so I think....

Posts: 36 | Registered: Sep 2010
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HH 85

Trust your gut. This sounds all too "easy"... I am saying it doesn't add up.

He should be more mindful and his response sounds like a teenagers response. Justification.

Be careful


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1155 | Registered: Apr 2013
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, it's so hard when you have to deal with a deployment on top of it all.
As you and we all know, infidelity can happen anywhere and anytime. I would guess he will be able to leave the base sometimes. Sadly, the military says it doesn't promote use of prostitutes or any type of cheating by members, but it is rampant in my opinion. I am not saying your H is going to cheat at all, we also know he could easily buy condoms at the bx. Is there things he could do to make you feel better, like communicate as often as possible? Email, call, skype, write letters, just keep in touch as much as he can? My WH had to learn that it helped to chat about everything, what they ate at the chow hall, what the weather was like, how's the job going, all that stuff helped us when he had to travel again.
I wish I could say that all the other members in his unit wouldn't tolerate knowing he was cheating, but it seems to be a huge bragging thing among them. Is he strong enough to stand up to that? I hope so!
Take care of yourself!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People's memories are pretty good. I'm doubtful he doesn't know what happened to the condoms.

It could have been something as innocent as he gave them to a buddy and is now too shy to tell you, but he knows where they went -- I'm sure of that.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 9

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.