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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Does depression cloud a BS view of R?
SecondHelping
♂ Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I am slightly depressed; I can't seem to have any good thoughts lately...well since DD, and I think it's making me think twice about R.

I just started IC again and I DON"T want to be put on medication. Some days I don't care if we R and other days I really want to. My fWW is very hot and cold as far as he effort he puts into R and this sort of feeds my depression. She always says the right things, but usually follows through with what she says she's going to do.

I'm rambling a bit but I really have no idea what I want or feel anymore.


D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern

Posts: 492 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
de.va.sta.ted
♀ Member
Member # 22922
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes depression will cloud your view of R. It's SO important to treat your depression, so you can make good choices. What does your IC say about your depression? Have you been honest about your symptoms?

Life was hell after d-day for me, and things only started to become semi-ok after I started getting help for my depression and anxiety. I did end up taking anti-d's for the first time in my life. I know you don't want to, but if that's your decision, ask your IC what you can do to heal yourself.

Take care of yourself as much as you can.


Me: BW mid 40's Him: WH mid 50's
D-Day: 2009
There is a crack in everything,
That's how the light gets in...

Posts: 852 | Registered: Feb 2009
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

depression yes and trauma.
I'm with a new IC and the first order of business is dealing with my trauma. We don't hardly talk about my marriage or husband. She said I can't think rationally when this much has happened and I haven't healed from it yet.
that said, I'm kind of afraid what I'll decide when I am healed.
I imagine depression works the same way.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5340 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't get out if bed for the first six months of R. It's been two months now that I am naturally feeling better and no longer spending my days in bed. I have been in IC since almost the beginning. I can relate to having (persistent) negative thoughts about the WS or a negative view of R but I started taking stock of everything my fWH is doing and I feel more hope. I also needed to get in touch with my gratitude for my life, with or without my M.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
SecondHelping
♂ Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw an IC for one appointment about a month ago and he said I had depression. Since then I'm starting to realize that I have some, but not a lot of symptoms.

Most notable is my lack of enthusiasm. I just can't get happy about anything anymore. I do laugh at a funny joke, but I can't get happy for anything.

I don't feel good about myself or my situation, but keep pushing on. That's probably the military training coming out.

I still tear up when I think about what happened, but don't outright cry anymore.

I'm tired all the time, but have no problem getting out of be and getting things done. I can't handle a bit of stress anymore but I can still get things done slowly.

At the moment I just don't care which way R goes. I've come to realize that I will be OK M or separated and I need to take care of myself, so I'm going to start going to the gym on my next day off.


D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern

Posts: 492 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EXCELLENT question. I'd say I'm in the same bucket. Well worth looking into.

I think that it takes a bit more time to feel like we're on the outside of the events of the A. If you feel worse and worse I'd definitely enlist a doctor, but I'm personally hoping that the more time that passes the more I'll be able to have the claws of the sadness from the A release their grip on me.

(((SecondHelping)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17909 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After a lifetime of thinking that I would never take anti-depressants, I'm on them now. They're helping significantly.

I find myself better able to think rationally and calmly when dealing with my WW. That's created room for her to do more of what I need.

It also helps me function at work.

Like you, I'm unable to feel happiness about anything. Nothing at all. I'm just going through the motions, too. You're not alone there.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
cali1002
♀ New Member
Member # 39270
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some days I really obsess and can think of nothing else except what has happened. I found out a year ago. During the cold winter months all I wanted to do was get away, felt so sad all winter long but couldn't get away due to kids' school and activities.

To try to keep from falling in to a depression pit of despair, I concentrate on my kids and trying to heal myself. Exercise is a great way to help with depression. The best and I wish i was better about doing it daily. I think that anti-Ds cloud thinking. I took them for a short while when my kids were toddlers, and I was very stressed. I couldn't focus or concentrate on anything while on Prozac. I am very anti drug (not to say that I didn't have my experimental phase during my youth ), but that's my humble opinion.


Me - BS 44
Him - WH 52
Kids - 11 and 12
DDay - May 2012
Married 14 years
In Reconciliation

Posts: 42 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most notable is my lack of enthusiasm. I just can't get happy about anything anymore. I do laugh at a funny joke, but I can't get happy for anything.

I can totally relate on a couple different levels. I was reading in After the Affair the other night. After a trauma the body attempts to defend itself by release endogenous opioids. The more traumas there are through discoveries, TT, new betrayals, ect. the more instances of these opioids being released. These are to dull and numb the pain. It makes total sense.

When I kicked a serious heroin addiction 13 years ago it took about 3 years to start feeling joy or enthusiasm in life. I was OK with going through the motions but no excitement.

It seems like the natural morphine of the body has the same "withdrawal" effects as the street drugs. It may take a couple years before those natural chemicals come back into balance.

[This message edited by Chicho at 5:57 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2647 | Registered: Aug 2012
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to get on something to allow me to function at work. I have a job that requires great attention to detail and I simply couldn't do it. The ADs are helping me to be rational and keeping my hands from shaking all day. I was reluctant too - two years ago i was so happy to get off Prozac. But I have to work all day and be a mom all evening so im doing what I have to - just another way my WH hurt me.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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