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Newest Member: Firechild83

New Beginnings :
I feel like giving up. Depressed.

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 NaiveAgain (original poster member #20849) posted at 10:03 AM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

Seriously, I am just tired of fighting to stay above water and keep my health. I haven't had health insurance for a year, I just lost a filling, can't drink anything cold, cool, warm, hot.....

Was in hospital over weekend with stomach problems....they kept me for appendix watch but I am thinking ulcer.

Stress is killing me. I'm just tired. I get almost daily headaches and the only thing that helps is migraine excedrin which may be causing my stomach problems. So I can have head pain or stomach pain. Great choices.

My new relationship is good, the guy is great, but honestly it is so much work I'm kind of tired of that too. He stayed by my side the entire time in the hospital, but it freaked him out because he was afraid of losing me, and apparently he is NOW worried about my age and the fact that I am having health issues. Fact is I've always had health issues but when I had insurance, I kept on top of them so I was rarely sick.

Money problems are killing me. I have a job waiting for me when I get my bachelor's. I need a bachelors to actually start counseling (legally) so they can't hire me until then (which is 2 more years of school, and I am thinking of quitting at this point). My supervisor told me I carry myself and conduct myself like I already have a masters or ph.d. which is wonderful, and she said I have great insight and give the right advice and help, but I still need that piece of paper, and the stress of school and trying to make enough money to survive is literally killing me.

I did great last year, was the valedictorian of my class, helped make 2 million dollars for our student life activities (got a proposal passed by the President of the college and then through the Board of Trustees) which is no small thing and impressed our chancellor, so I know I am quite capable of handling things except the stress of everything and not having health insurance and not being able to afford next month's house payment is making me think about just giving up and moving back home.

I've been able to make house payments because of all the scholarships I have received for the school work and community work I've done, but I'm starting at a new school so I have to earn the scholarships there which will take a year. My finances run short about $500 per month. How am I going to hang on for another year? I can't put the extra time into my school and community to get the scholarships if I am going to have to figure out some way to make an extra $500 per month.

Seriously, I am just worn out. I want to go to a rest home and just quit worrying about everything for a while....

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

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Bluebird26 ( member #36445) posted at 10:49 AM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

((Naiveagain))

Do you have any family that can help you out financially? Or can you get a room mate to help you cover your costs ?

Me: BW

Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.

Life's good.

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 NaiveAgain (original poster member #20849) posted at 10:52 AM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

Bluebird, thanks. Family can't really do much....mom sends down toilet paper and dogfood and a few incidentals from time to time, but that is all they can do.

I have thought about a roommate. I am not sure where I would put them. House is small, and I have children in the 2 bedrooms already.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 4:53 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 11:38 AM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

Well,,,the way I see it you have 2 choices.

The most important thing is to get the stress off of you.

This is the perspective my bff took for the same situation you are in.2 children and wanted to make a better life. She now has her masters and teaches. My counselor at the spouse abuse center did this also" Both said they made a decision IF they every got thru college, they would help others in their positions. They are not a "freeloaders", but they realized if they would accept major help from churches and the government for 2 years, then they would be in a very strong position in 2 years -- able to contribute to charities, make up her own scholarship for OTHER struggling moms, and paying lots more in Taxes throughout her lifetime. Or she could quit college and work a lower paying job forever and struggle and never reach her dream.

So, if you want to go the route of getting all the "help" you can from the government and churches NOW with the intention of "paying it forward" later, here are my suggestions:

1) Get you children on medicaid. They then will get free breakfast and lunch at school.

2) After your children get approved for Medicaid, then apply for yourself. IF you get turned down, you only have to wait 8 months until you will be able to get on it. Why? With the new health care law people who cannot afford insurance--YOU---will have to be placed on Medicaid because remember in Jan 2014 everyone is required by law to have health insurance. I was told this by the medicaid office recently, but check on it yourself.

3)Go online and apply for food stamps (SNAP). I get 258/mo. because I am working,so you will probably get alot more.

4)Call your electric company and ask what charities pay the electric bill for people who need it. Get your paperwork together and go get them to pay your electric bill. In my area, there are several local charities who do this. You can go to a different one every month. Keep a record of what charity helped you and make a committment to volunteer or contribute to that charity on an ongoing basis when you grad and work. We also have a local charity that will give a Mom extra money every month. We also have a charity here that you can go in every week and get paper supplies. We have another charity where you can get 1 bread item every day donated from leftover bakeries.

5) Go to the department head of your college and ask what scholarships they have available for you. My friend was able to get many many scholarships this way, bc the department head was in charge of deciding who gets the scholarship!

5) Since you have health problems, I would definately get student loans. Do you know if later you are deemed disabled the student loans will be forgiven? Do you know if you get a job in a school district as a counselor or teacher that has a high poverty level (I think it's based on how many children in that district get free lunch) you will have some or most of your loans forgiven?(check on the current law on this, she did this several years ago)

6) Are any of your children under 12? If so you need to maximize your tax refund. If you pay someone XXX to keep your child while you work or look for work you will get that money back PLUS a credit! I paid 400 in child care, but the credit I got was 700!

7) Get a small job thru the school or anywhere, but talk to financial aid first to make sure you don't earn too much for your grants and scholarships. I do part time greeting cards. Alot of people don't know this: if you work and make I THINK 2,000 dollars over a year you can get the earned income credit. It was set up by congress years ago to get people out working instead of staying home collecting aid. They realized once people got out there working they would be promoted and could have a better life and could pay more in taxes over their lifetime. Back to the credit.... I made 7,000 last year doing part time greeting cards, but you can do some easy job at the college. My tax bill was 0 because I have 2 children. My REFUND was 3,000!!! Many people do not know this is how it works! A tax credit is not a deduction. It is a credit that comes right off what you owe and any left over goes to you as a refund.

Also, the tax refund cannot be counted as income for your finacial aid.

All this being said, I do not believe you nor any other single mom is a freeloader. I believe if you get all the help you can now, you are going to have a better life for yourself and your children, you will be able to set up scholarships for other deserving Moms for future years, and will be a contributor to society.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:43 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 1:58 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

You sound overwhelmed. It sounds like you are putting your heart and soul (and health) into school, which is amazing, and you've done a really great job - but seriously consider dropping the extracurriculurs. Fundraising? Proposals? Something has to give, and better it not be your family, your health, or your learning.

I don't have kids, so not in your same boat, but I am working a full time job and taking a full course load. It's HARD to balance your time. I had to intentionally step away from my studies sometimes this past semester, or I would have lost it. That meant accepting that I might not get an A on everything. I decided that I'm worth more than my grades though, and am so glad that I'm finding balance.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

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Mousse242 ( member #6330) posted at 2:20 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

See if insurance through the school is available too.

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FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 2:35 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

(((NA))) Is there a dental school nearby? Free fillings.

I guess the American school system is different -- here they force you to join extended medical/dental through your student fees unless you can provide documentation that you're covered elsewhere.

Talk to the Women's Centre at your school if there is one. They may have options for helping struggling mums. Reach out.

Amazonia is right, now is the time to prioritize but I would put health first. Then family. Then school. Top three.

Don't give up on your studies, you can and will make it.

Once you clear up your dental issues you'll feel more able to deal with exploring the resources available.

Big hugs.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 8:37 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

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 NaiveAgain (original poster member #20849) posted at 2:41 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

homeewrecked, thanks for all the info. I'll look into some of it that I haven't tried yet.

You sound overwhelmed

Yes, and I have been that way this whole year. I think it is finally catching up with me....

Something has to give, and better it not be your family, your health, or your learning.

The extracurriculars are the reason I received the scholarships, $8,000 total last year, which made a HUGE difference in being able to stay in school and still pay my bills.

Mousse, even if they do have insurance, I could never afford it. I can't make the bills I currently have and there isn't anything else to cut out at this point.

Is there a dental school nearby? Free fillings.

No, looked into it...it would be nice! I did find a sliding fee scale who will fill it for $50. I have $35 of it so far....

health first. Then family. Then school. Top three.

I agree, those should be the top 3. I think in order to take care of myself, I may have to drop school for a bit. The schedule I've been keeping is unhealthy and without the extra scholarships this year, I would need to pick up yet another part time job somewhere and I am out of available hours in the day....

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 2:50 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

What degree are you working on? When I was in undergrad, insurance through the school was free for students.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

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ladies_first ( member #24643) posted at 3:34 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

I carry myself and conduct myself like I already have a masters or ph.d. which is wonderful, and she said I have great insight and give the right advice and help, but I still need that piece of paper,

Please listen. Yes, you need the piece of paper. No, you do not need to be PERFECT. No, you don't have to be valictorian. No, you don't have to raise $2M.

Something has to give. Don't allow it to be your health!

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

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click4it ( member #209) posted at 5:04 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

(((((((NA))))))))))

Sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time physically and emotionally. You've given a lot of support here and I want to see you get support for yourself. Number one your health. Please take good care of yourself, day by day. Don't give up on yourself - never.

[This message edited by click4it at 11:04 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

Me: 45
Two boys: 20 and 17
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

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cryingdaily ( member #7276) posted at 9:51 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

I wish I had good advice, but you've been given a lot already.

But I can give you hugs (((NA))) and a long distance shoulder to cry on. You have my number.

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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 10:05 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013

((((Naive))))

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

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 NaiveAgain (original poster member #20849) posted at 11:46 AM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

Thank you all for the support and hugs and thanks cd....this is actually one time where I just don't even feel like talking, I hate whining out loud, it is easier to type it....

I will be able to get my tooth fixed soon and at least I will start thinking better without the constant irritation/pain.

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

posts: 16236   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2008   ·   location: Ohio
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Hope24 ( member #9344) posted at 1:20 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

Big hugs, NA. You're an amazing woman. One step at a time.

(((NA)))

She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

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hexed ( member #19258) posted at 5:48 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

((NA))

I read your post last night and kept trying to think of all sorts of practical solutions for you.

I have no idea.

You have managed to come so far towards what you want. I hate to see you get side tracked now.

You have an amazing ability to persevere. You will find a way.

Glad you can get your tooth fixed soon!

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

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Helen of Troy ( member #26419) posted at 8:36 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

I'm seeing an amazing woman named NA, caring, nurturing, honest,genuine, SMART, excellent at fund raising. You simply cannot give up just yet.

Apply for public assistance, go to a church pantry for food if you need it. Above all just hold on. It's always darkest before the dawn is a true statement. You'll see.

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caregiver9000 ( member #28622) posted at 9:50 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

(((NA)))

is it possible you are getting rebound headaches from taking ibuprofen for either headaches or tooth pain??

so much going on, and so much advice to consider...

DO NOT GIVE UP!!

You are one of the strongest people I know. This is a low point, but you will get through this! Keep going. You can do it.

Me: fortysomething, independent, happy,
XH "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
two kids, teens. Old enough I am truly NO CONTACT w/ NPD zebraduck
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

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persevere ( member #31468) posted at 9:57 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

You are one of the strongest people I know. This is a low point, but you will get through this! Keep going. You can do it.

My thoughts exactly. (((NA)))

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

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 NaiveAgain (original poster member #20849) posted at 12:19 PM on Thursday, May 23rd, 2013

Thank you Hope.

I read your post last night and kept trying to think of all sorts of practical solutions for you.

I have no idea.

Yeah, it is a tough situation, but thank you so much for thinking on it. That means a lot.

I'm seeing an amazing woman named NA, caring, nurturing, honest,genuine, SMART, excellent at fund raising. You simply cannot give up just yet.

Thanks will get by. That made my night.

is it possible you are getting rebound headaches from taking ibuprofen for either headaches

Hmmm. Possibly. I hadn't considered that. I went without the pills in the hospital for a day and a half and had a severe headache. But doing better now. Maybe I need to try to cut down on the pills.

You are one of the strongest people I know. This is a low point, but you will get through this! Keep going. You can do it.

And thanks for this.

And thanks persevere also.

Ended up with a UTI last night Late night trip to the pharmacy but at least this time the doctor called it in and I didn't end up in the hospital. This stuff is wearing me out!

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

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