I'm stuck in hell right now. We have had sex twice since we found out, we argue everyday. I can barely look at him but yet I can't let him go. He told md last night that he just can't live like this. I agree but yet I don't want to see him go. He has always been great to me. So great that I never had any fears of this happening. I can't make a decision to save my life right now. Wtf!
He has always been great to me
I found CL evidence kept digging until I found the jackpot which I did! I wish I never found it!
I'm sorry to sound harsh here, but it's your right to live a real life with real love. You know this stuff, judging by your registration date.
Of course he's ready to move on and get married...he's embarrassed and humiliated that you found out his secret. He is desperate to move on and leave this in the past..he wants society,his family,his friends,to see him as a husband and a father...meanwhile who he really is is a man who is in denial about who he is..a man who is denying his sexuality.
I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were. I see here that you are fighting with him all the time,can't look at him,and clearly you are not happy with him. Because you know,deep down,that he is lying to you.
He may even be lying to himself. He may really think he's not bi or gay. For whatever reason..maybe he feels it's something to be ashamed of(it's not.. deceiving your wife is though)...maybe he is scared of the reaction from the people in his life..maybe he has convinced himself that he is straight.
But...here's the thing..straight men do not do what he did. They just don't. If they need an outlet for stress,they do not request pics of other men's penises. You know that..and *that* is why you are still spiraling out of control.
If he would just admit it,you could work with it. Bisexuals can be faithful,after all,cheating is a choice.(If he is gay,well,there's no working that out) But as long as he is lying or denying what is so clearly the truth,until he takes that first step, you can not even begin to think of R-ing with this man.
It took a year before WH admitted he was bisexual..a whole damn year. I knew it..I read everything in that email account...and I refused,absolutely refused, to allow him to hide his head in the sand(or the closet ). I knew that until he was honest about that,I would never be able to trust him again.
Big hugs,honey. Im sorry you're hurting.
[This message edited by confused615 at 9:18 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
It really all comes down to me being able to accept his answers to my questions and moving on. I'm having trouble accepting. And if I do accept then I feel weak....
I don't think 'accepting the answers' is the critical issue, though of course I can't be sure what the critical issue is.
Perhaps what you need to do is to accept that you're holding back for very good reasons.
My sitch is quite different from yours - neither my W nor I care if she's bi-sexual or straight, because she has explicitly and repeatedly committed to monogamy with me, and there's a lot of evidence her commitment is reliable. Among other things her IC/our MC says W is committed to me.
You've got a lot less evidence for your SO. In fact, mainly you've got words.
If you were excited about getting married, without hesitation but with an appreciation for the risk, I'd wish you well and be happy for you.
But you're holding back big time, so I say: Welcome your reluctance. Accept it. Honor it. Work through it, with your IC and with your SO.
Remember, you have to risk your relationship to save it. (And if it's not savable, you can survive and thrive.)
Marriage and parenthood is frickin' hard work day in and day out. And so is R. And he "can't live like this" for two months???
Please do not entangle yourself with a guy who has given you ZERO reason to trust him. You do not need to make a decision right now--make it next year.
She loves my F to pieces. That is y it's so hard to make a decision. I can't break her heart while mine is breaking also!
H and I were a great couple up until the birth of our first son. To me, that was the hardest challenge of our M. I think it's the hardest thing we ever went through...besides SI. Oh, and breastfeeding and working full time. That was hard too.