Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Question for the menz
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Question  Posted: 8:44 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This question is for the menz. I really need your opinion.

We've always taught him that there are certain places to dress certain ways. Restaurants you dress nicely, playgrounds you dress casually.


My DS9 loves to dress neat. He tucks in his shirts, wears belts, collared polo shirts etc... There's a boy in his class who also goes on the same bus who keeps telling my son that no one will like him if he keeps tucking in his shirts. I tell him to ignore him and to stay away from him. This has been going on the entire school year.

This morning, and this is were my question comes in, he wore a regular t-shirt with a picture on the front and olive green cargo shorts with an elastic waist band. I told him that with those shorts he could leave the shirt out. This prompted more discussion about the other boy in his class. I tried to tell him that with certain clothes it's all right to leave a shirt out. He feels that leaving his shirt out makes him look and feel like a slob.

What would your advice be for my son? Are there different clothes that should be tucked rather than out?

Thanks!


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like "tall poppy syndrome" from the other boy to me. If your son wants to tuck his shirt in, that's fine. There are some button down shirts that have squared off bottoms, those are meant to be untucked, but other than that, especially a tee shirt, it's a comfort thing. I tuck my tee shirts in most of the time, same with Polo's. Nothing wrong if your son wants to hold himself to his own standards. I'd tell him to be himself, just like I would if he wanted to wear it out. Then he'd only hear me tell him to tuck it in when appropriate.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3960 | Registered: Dec 2011
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO if he likes to tuck shirts in, just don't buy elastic waist pants... maybe that's too simplistic? I don't know anything about kids' clothes.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it depends on what makes the kid feel comfortable. I'm usually an untucked guy but tuck in when I'm wearing a polo or a button down shirt that is made to be tucked. Sounds like the other kid has issues to me.

[This message edited by h0peless at 9:22 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
idiot85
♂ Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was a kid I used to want to button shirts up to the neck and tuck everything in- your son sounds like my kind of guy ha

My Mum used to always tell me to lead not follow and I got teased every now and again but not often- I think it's nice to be smart and I used to think- lead don't follow.

I still tuck in now- today I'm wearing knee length jeans shorts slim fit and a short sleeved ben sherman shirt- buttoned up and tucked in... Believe it or not, I'm considered fashionable these days oh and I forgot to mention, navy blue and white boat shoes


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all your opinions.

Tred, what does this mean?

"tall poppy syndrome"

I've never seen a shirt with squared off buttons. I'll have to pay attention the next time we're clothes shopping.

Nothing wrong if your son wants to hold himself to his own standards.

He does hold himself to some pretty high standards. He also never judges anyone for how they dress.

Sounds like the other kid has issues to me.

This is very true. My son overheard a teacher saying the this other kid has the worst attitude in class. I hope next year they don't see each other. He'll be in middle school.

My Mum used to always tell me to lead not follow

I85, I tell him this as well. That sounds like a nice outfit.

I just don't know if there are certain "rules" for mens/boys outfits.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Tall poppy syndrome" is a phrase similar to cutting others down to size, but with a different connotation. Basically, it's motivated by not wanting others to look better than you, so you disparage them or do other things so that everything is level. Cutting the tall poppies so that everyone is uniform. And the button down shirts don't have square buttons, the hem of the skirt is level all the way around - a dress shirt that is meant for tucking in is usually tapered longer in the back than the front. You can tuck in a shirt that is the same length all around, but it has a tendency to become un-tucked and bulge.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3960 | Registered: Dec 2011
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, I read that as buttons and not bottoms. Time to put my glasses on.

That makes sense now. Thank you.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say let your son be himself. If he wants to tuck in his shirts then by god he should tuck them in. Conformity has it's place but questioning something this minor only serves to degrade his self confidence IMHO. Granted formal occasions require certain fashion rules but outside of that its fair game :)

Sounds like a great oportunity to teach your DS about ignoring people who don't matter. Obviously the other boy has some insecurity issues since he feels the need to judge your son. Keep reminding your DS that he's awesome whether he chooses to tuck in his shirt or not.

FWIW I'm an untucked kind of guy but clean cut and not a slob :)


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like a great oportunity to teach your DS about ignoring people who don't matter. Obviously the other boy has some insecurity issues since he feels the need to judge your son. Keep reminding your DS that he's awesome whether he chooses to tuck in his shirt or not.

I do this and we have great conversations. Like I posted earlier, I wasn't sure if there are any sort of "rules" for mens/boys clothing.

I would love it if he would stay away from this boy. Is it too much to hope for that over the summer his family relocates to a different town?


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
sportsfan
♂ Member
Member # 9918
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My nephew used to wear button-down shirts with ties for years when he was in elementary school...his choice. Kids would snicker. I once questioned my sister why she would let him be exposed to such ridicule from his young peers...suffice it to say that I never asked again.

He now wears ties to work...he's a physician. Nobody snickers anymore.


Posts: 1959 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: PA
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He now wears ties to work...he's a physician. Nobody snickers anymore.

I love this!

My son wants to be a paleontologist. I tell him cargo shorts will be good for that, to hold all the tools and/or dino bones


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would tell him that the other kids are making fun of him to make themselves feel better, not to make him feel worse.

Then I would let him wear his clothes however they want.

I was just like your son, I rarely wore jeans, i wore slacks and nice shirts. I remember this black blazer that i LOVED.

I was labled right away - I didnt care what they thought - i was comfortable.

I wish I could say that I am a doctor now, but I am not LOL


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1751 | Registered: Sep 2012
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always let him wear what he wants, it was just with this particular pair of shorts that I thought untucked was better.

I would tell him that the other kids are making fun of him to make themselves feel better, not to make him feel worse.

I've told him this, too. But it he still feels bad. I don't if there's anything that can change that.

Honestly, I love that he's so concerned about looking presentable. It shows a sense of self-pride.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it too much to hope for that over the summer his family relocates to a different town?

Hope you don't mind but this made me laugh
I can't tell you how many of my boys "friends" I've wished would move out of the country.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad it made you laugh. Sometimes you have to laugh or you'll go crazy. I find that I laugh a lot...

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 2:14 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He now wears ties to work...he's a physician. Nobody snickers anymore

How does the old saying go about bullies in school? Oh yeah "he still takes my lunch money every day, but at least now he makes a decent sandwich".


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3960 | Registered: Dec 2011
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love it, Tred! That is so true


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a 16 year old son who also loved to look nice when he was a little guy. He always wanted a belt (because he's so dang skinny) and he liked to have dress shoes.
He took great pride in looking nice, and having his hair fixed. Now at 16 he still likes to look good, and is very fashionable.
IN FACT for his big Xmas present from my parents this year he requested a suit. (he's basically done growing) So he got a very nice taylored suit, and several nice ties and dress shirts. He occasionally will wear it to school. The girls LOVE it.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8594 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He occasionally will wear it to school.

Interesting...my 17yr old DSS does this every friday. He calls it dressup friday's. I asked if it was for school spirit or something and he just says he does it because he likes to. Good enough for me! Although I'm sure there's some estrogen incentive attached to this

[This message edited by RyeBread at 3:15 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 41
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.