"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"
If you both want R then get to marriage counselling and get FWH into IC. As for the emails and pictures?
Kept them for the moment but don't keep looking at them.
Hugs to you.
You may find it better to post in just found out forum too if you are very new (((()))))
Second,save that evidence. And keep it a secret. Keep it somewhere safe..an email account that he is unaware of,perhaps? While transparency in R goes both ways,you are very,very new to betrayal. WS's usually lie and minimize at first(some for a very long time..some never stop)...you will need this evidence to compare it to what he tells you. If he tries to lie or gaslight(make you think you're crazy),you will need these emails to remind yourself of the truth..what he really said and did. There may come a day when you're ready to delete it all,but for now,keep it. The fact that he doesn't know you have all of this plays into your favor. In order to rebuild trust,he will have to be honest with you about everything...he will need to answer all of your questions and be completely transparent..if he lies..you will have proof and know he is not doing what he should be doing if he wants to save this marriage.
Again,welcome. Im so sorry this has happened. Nothing you did or didn't do caused him to cheat. He is 100% responsible for his choice to cheat.
What is he doing to show you he wants to R?
* I just wanted to add,since this is in the R forum...while I agree for the most part that transparency goes both ways in a marriage,when a spouse is a NEW BS, they need to protect themselves..after all..the WS has just shown they are capable of great harm...I do not men for my advice to sound as if I think a BS has a right to secrecy when they expect transparency from their WS...but in the beginning,until the BS feels somewhat safe, I think they should keep some things..their sources..their evidence...etc...a secret. Absolutely.
[This message edited by confused615 at 9:04 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Husband has had PA 7 yrs. ago
several online sexting, found out 05/29/11
another PA/EA:ended May,2011 found out July10/11
Husband thought we had an "open" marriage.Working on rec
As for the harsh names,everyone's situation is different,but some members are dealing with stalkers,OW who are claiming the BW's kids are hers,OW who were best friends with the BW,etc..there is alot of pain and anger involved in betrayal. And anger is very,very normal. And healthy in a situation like this.
The R forum is protected..there is no name calling the AP in this forum.
I stand by my advice to hang on to those emails. You may need them later.
Is the OW married? is her BH aware that his wife had an affair?
Is your WH 100% transparent? Do you have full access to all of his online accounts,and his cell,passwords included? Is he answering all of your questions without blame or defensiveness? Is he owning his actions without being angry with you? Is he NC with the OW? How has he proved that he is? Is he accountable for his time when he isn't with you?
I forwarded everything to my personal email, put them in their own folder and changed my password. I then contacted her husband and forwarded on all the information.
I still have it all and do not look at it. But feel safe knowing that if I ever needed proof in the future it is there.
Read, read, read. It's really helpful and people here are really nice. A LOT of them have been in your shoes.
Good luck, sweetie. I know it's hard, you will get through it...We're all here for you.
Yes, save them, but try not to look at them. I obsessed about my H's OW for months and months. Only you can decide how much pain you can take on a daily basis.
Have you checked out the healing library? It is in the box to the top left. It has lots of information in it.
I too would keep the emails and pictures for now.
Do you know if the other woman's betrayed spouse knows about the affair? Sometimes affairs restart or go underground. Often wayward s get sort of addicted to the adrenaline high from an affair. If both partners are aware of it there are 2 people watching out. Also this woman's spouse has the right to know the truth about his marraige.
Have you had a health check up? A screen for STDs are important.
Most of our WS (even those with spouses who want R) minimise the facts about their behaviour. Be prepared for this - R is hard work, but there are plenty of couples on SI who so successfully.
Is your WH exploring in counselling why he had the affair in the first place?
Marriage counselling for you both - addressing the affair will be helpful as you reconcile.
Hang in there - it is an emotional roller coaster for a while.