So, later she calls me back and said she felt horrible. I asked why, isn't this what you wanted? And she basically said "no".
Not that I didn't care. I did. But to hear her say that this isn't really what she wanted after all and feels horrible? Well, you can imagine how I felt.
Just goes to show you, she got want she wanted, and she is still not happy.
Do i like it being final? No. But this is what she wanted and pushed for, so it is what she got. I objected a couple of times and said that it is not what I wanted, but she surged ahead.
So, in the end, she can never say with any truth in her heart its on me. But she will lie and say that's it my fault all this happened. Whatever.
At some point, I just want to do what's right 4 the kids. I worry about her, but in a more general sense. I still love her, but I've come to a place where I'm ok. I'm not ok in some ways, but generally, I'm ok with knowing I didn't cause this.
In some ways, the pang of regret is more prevalent when a WS claims to want to "fight" for the marriage yet the BS opts for D. You may wonder "what if i stayed" but conversely you may wonder "what if I left" if you opted to stay only to be betrayed again.
Here's a chorus from a song I just heard. It sums up how many of us feel at this point..
And I still wonder why heaven has died
The skies are all falling
I'm breathing but why
In silence I hold on
To you and I
From "fire and ice" by Within Temptation
[This message edited by la433 at 4:40 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]