Topic: was she better?
Member # 39214
| Posted: 1:40 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
lets say youve never seen her would you want to know if she was in some way better than you? i dont have any reason to search for other than to see what she looks like she is in another state they knew nothing about each other and shared no details other than theyre first names there were no emails or phone call or txt i have passwords to everything and they both wanted nothing to do with each other after ....so when i ask what could i have done differently what did he feel he got that he wasnt getting at home ? theres no real answer because he literally felt nothing towards her and to top it of couldnt finish the act and kicked her out , where i guess later she slammed him and accused him of being gay for telling her to leave.
I'M ON THE FENCE
Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 38674
| Posted: 1:56 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
see I go thru this trigger daily I feel that she was bettr at everything then me .. even tho he didn't sleep with her .. she lives out of state and ive seen pics of her .. I look better then her ,, at least I think so ... keep your head held up hun .. hugs to you stay strong
5 wonderful kids 12 yrs 8 yrs 5 yrs 4 yrs and 2 yrs ..and new baby
married 10 years together for 12 yrs
working on R
my give a damn is busted
Posts: 195 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: cold ohio
Member # 36667
| Posted: 3:30 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
I struggle with this as well. When I am feeling strong about myself I think:
I am better than her because I honored my vows of marriage with respect, honor, love and integrity.
CUMBUCKET is not an honorable person. She broke her own marriage vows, defiled her H and her children and had 50% in defiling my marriage with my H and trying to break my family up. Our children were devastated to learn their father hurt me so deeply. She was also dishonorable according to the Uniform Military Code of Justice of the USA.
So when you ask if she is better than you, the answer is NEVER, NO WAY, NOT POSSIBLE, CANNOT BE, NO HOW!!!
It shouldn't matter what your physical features are, your spouse promised to love, honor, and cherish you for YOU!
They broke that, not you!!!
BW=45; WH=46 We have 2 kids DD/DS.
DDay 6-13-12 Married 23 years
He cheated on our marriage during year 14. Eight yrs after the A began is when I found out.
Going to try to reconcile, my heart is BROKEN
Posts: 186 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Member # 28645
| Posted: 3:32 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
It wasn't that she looked better than you, it was about him and his issues at that time. I know it is hard to not worry about "how is she better than me", but the truth is you ARE SO MUCH BETTER! You are a beautiful faithful wife that remained true to your vows! Her..well..she is low enough to date a married man, that's says all about her.
You let it go when you are ready.. when you have processed it enough.. you let it go when you are sick of trying to figure it out. You let it go when you want your life back
Posts: 1319 | Registered: May 2010
Member # 32900
| Posted: 3:47 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
There is some good discussion on another thread Ė not sure if you have seen it.
Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.
Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 36711
| Posted: 4:20 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
Did she have something you didn't have? No. You have something important that she lacks. Morals. Class. Character. Beauty of soul.
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
Posts: 1265 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 33559
| Posted: 4:33 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
No, she wasn't better. What she did was make HIM feel like a better person because she wanted him. You had to want him--you're his wife--so you don't count. He needed his validation multiplied by at least two and many WSs need their validation multiplied by a lot more than two.
I've been thinking today about a co-worker I knew decades ago when I was young and sort of cute. He'd had an A simply because the OW was willing and he'd been amazed that someone found him attractive. He and his wife were trying to reconcile but that wasn't good enough for him and the guy decided he was in love with me just because I was nice to him (and that's as far as it went with me and I stopped even talking to him after his declaration of love). I now realize he was broken and so needy of validation that he would take it anywhere he could get it.
There are probably things an impartial observer would say is "better" about the AP. And some things which would be "better" about you. Try not to think that way because it truly, truly, truly isn't about that. Just think of her as a mirror reflecting back the man your H wishes he really was.
Married 34 years
Posts: 612 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
Member # 10
| Posted: 4:35 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
This is the 4th time you have been flagged for breaking the forum descriptions.
This is NOT a vent about the OP, please respect the sites rules and post accordingly.
Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Member # 35862
| Posted: 6:11 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
I KNOW OW isn't better than me in any way....now.
I remember asking H what it was about her that made him want to cheat. His honest answer was there wasn't anything special about her. He didn't even really like her. It was all about him. How bad he felt about himself, how bad he thought our life was, how crappy he felt his job was.
He wanted to escape reality. The day to day trudge of a family and marriage.
Looking at the OW, I see that she is a sad person. She's married now and her H knows about the A. It's hard to believe he married her anyway. If she has any conscience now, and I hope she does, I hope she feels guilty the rest of her life.
Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 9-09, but I didn't feelTRUE R started until 12-09 when the fog really lifted due to a medical condition with me.
Every day gets a little better.
Posts: 585 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 33867
| Posted: 8:26 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013|
would you want to know if she was in some way better than you?
Better than me? Never.
How could she be? She is a cheater with no integrity... Not to mention her 2 DUI's, her lock up for public intoxication, her being expelled, many years ago, from college.
Better than me? I think not.
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 8:27 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]
ME: 53 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 1982 | Registered: Nov 2011
|Topic Posts: 10|