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broken0322 (original poster new member #39329) posted at 7:46 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 7:55 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
((((broken)))
Do you want to talk about it? We're here...we're listening...
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
savvy ( member #39102) posted at 7:57 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
broken0322
Very real feeling for me too!
Post whats bothering you lots of good ideas from people here who understand!
Hugs and strength
me-BS (52).
2 children 24 and 23
Together 33 years divorced one year
Ow-(30)and she knew me knew he is married.
D-day 1 4/24/2013
D-day 2. 7/9/2013. Day after anniversary
D-day 3. 8/12/13.
Filing for divorce
Jada52 ( member #38984) posted at 7:58 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
It is a scary time broken. Hugs coming to you.
Silly Slut, husbands are for wives - get your own man B*tch!
stilltrying2025 ( member #39145) posted at 7:58 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
Talk away broken0322! Everyone here is supportive and give great advice. We have all been or are in your shoes. Reach out to us.....we'll be here for ya!
(((HUGS)))
Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated
brokensunflower ( member #38674) posted at 8:04 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
(broken) were here for you were your brothers and sisters that have been there .. tell us what your feeling that's what were here for .. hugs to you just remember to eat sleep and most importantly make sure you make you number 1 priority
me 34
him 34
7 wonderful kids 14 yrs 10 yrs 7 yrs 6 yrs and 4 yrs 2yr ..and new baby
married 15years together for 12
my give a damn is busted
MartlArts ( member #36130) posted at 8:08 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
Although we haven't met you, we will support you and do our best to help.
excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."
1Faith ( member #38975) posted at 10:02 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
Broken
Being scared is normal - although I know that nothing feels "normal" right now.
We are sorry you are here but you are at the right place.
No judgement just support and encouragement.
Many hugs and prayers. You are not alone. And you do matter.
Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for
realitybites ( member #6908) posted at 10:12 PM on Tuesday, May 21st, 2013
As simple as this sounds, write down everything you are scared of, fear is quite normal in a new BS. There are lots of fears and it won't be easy but you can try to tackle one thing at a time.
For now just write everything down. I used to keep a pad by me and just write what I thought of....much later down the road I read it again and some things either did not apply anymore or was something I could tackle head on.
But one thing at a time. Baby steps.
Stop expecting loyalty from people who cannot even give you honesty.
He stopped being my husband the first time he cheated. It took me awhile to understand that I was no longer his wife.
PurpleBirch ( member #39170) posted at 2:55 AM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013
I'm scared too. Scared to do what I know is best for me. Ugh. It's so tough. ((hugs))
Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.
DS (6), DS (18 months)
Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".
Status: Done like dinner
broken0322 (original poster new member #39329) posted at 4:00 AM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013
I have so many mixed emotions. I know what's best for me but deep in my heart I'm not afraid to move on. I don't want to move on. I'm miserable with and without him. What I hate the most is that I don't hate him. I know what's best and I know the strength is there to move on I just need strength and support finding it. I cant do this alone and I'm getting tired of pouring my guts to him. This is total betrayal and I don't deserve this. I feel stupid for not smacking the hell out him and not putting him out and just dealing with the debt of his absence. He keeps apologiz ing and saying how stupid he is and unfortunately its not enough its just not. You detroy my spirit and you sorry no not enough. Fight dammit! Pray! Remove pride! Grow up!
(And I told someone I wasnt angry anymore yeah right!lol)
[This message edited by broken0322 at 10:04 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 1:48 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013
Sweetie, your D-Day is so fresh - what you are feeling, unfortunately, is normal and to be expected. It's crazymaking at its worst.
Take it one day at a time. Keep posting...get your feelings out.
What he says is not enough for you right now - I get that. Been there. How can you believe him when he's betrayed you? He must EARN your trust and there's a crap ton of things he needs to do to do it...and it does not happen overnight. And, even if he DOES what he must do, YOU may still decide the A was/is a dealbreaker and you do not want to R. There is no hurry for you to make this decision one way or the other.
And don't hesitate or be ashamed to touch base with your doc to help. First, to get checked for STDs (since she is pregnant, obvious protection wasn't used)...and for something to help you along for your anxiety and sleepnessness.
Implement the 180 - for YOU. It is a lifesaver whether your relationship is healed or you go your separate ways.
Hugs,
Lala
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
GingerAle ( member #33822) posted at 5:53 PM on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013
My EXWH: 6 month EA in 2010 OW 1
2 year Sexting/PA 2012-2014 OW2
I divorced him in May 2014
kansas1968 ( member #32214) posted at 3:25 AM on Thursday, May 23rd, 2013
We are all afraid. Two and a half years later, I am still afraid. Fear is what keeps us from leaving, but maybe that is not a bad thing. There are thousands of marriages that can be saved after an affair, but when the knowledge is new, fear is the only thing that keeps us from throwing the bum out.
Keep coming here and start reading. Anything that happened, has happened before to others, many, many, times.
The commoness of this fiasco can be comforting even if that sounds horrible.
There are many great articles and advice in the healing library. Also there are some grea books. This is such a shock and you think that what happened to you is the worst thing that ever happned to anyone. The pain is unbelievable.
With a remorseful spouse, counselling, and real work by both of you, you can get through this.
Everyone on this website knows your pain and will help you every step of the way. Hugs to you. K
Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.
fallingquickly ( member #36599) posted at 4:17 AM on Thursday, May 23rd, 2013
Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.
hopefulmother ( member #38790) posted at 6:13 PM on Thursday, May 23rd, 2013
(((broken0322)))
Maybe you were not scared for some period of time. It is a roller coaster ride. It sounds like you are still sitting on a fence and that is okay.
I get the fight thing.
Sometimes you just want the BS to show they desire you just as much as the AP. Hmm. sounds like a new post to me.
Me-BW 44
WH-44 zugzwang
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends since 1993
Married 2004 with 2 children
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.
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