I just posted my story on my profile and thought I would share it. Is this the best forum to do that?
I thought I had a great marriage. We had our ups and downs, but nothing really bad. We have 6 bio kids and we adopted 3 siblings from foster care 2 years ago. My husband loves going to movies in the theater. When I don't want to see the movie, he would just go. He hadn't in a while, so when he said he wanted to go on Nov. 13, 2012, I said sure. While he was gone, a thought kept nagging at me. He had set his phone down after a text earlier in the evening a little strange. So I got on Verizons webpage and checked out our records. I found over 600 messages in a short time span and phone calls to a number I didn't recognize. I texted him and asked was he really at a movie and who was he there with. (I totally wish I would have called him). He said he was at a movie. (Turns out he was with the OW)
When he came home, I confronted him. He showed me his phone and said it was this guy from work that he has been working on a big project with. I said, "phone calls at midnight, that last an hour, for work, to a dude?" He wouldn't back down so I went to bed. Then next morning, he woke me up before he went to work and said he had lied. It was another woman but they only called and texted and were just friends. Nothing else. (I really wish I had understood TT at this point ha ha)
He went to work, I kept sending him texts wondering about her, wanting all the truth. His side of the story for a min- he didn't sleep much the night before and got to work obviously stressed. He wasn't feeling well so his co-worker helped him to the break room to lie down. He was there for awhile then was just going to come home. His coworker made him call me so I knew he was ill. I was rude on the phone. As he was driving home, he decided to end his life. He knew I would leave him after I found out everything so he took off his seatbelt, set cruise to 70 mph on the freeway and steered his car toward the retaining wall. He crashed.
Now back to my story - he never showed up home. I had an appt. for one of my kids at the dentist. We did that and still hadn't heard from him. I kept in close contact with a friend but wasn't ready to start disclosing everything. Like, what if he is at the OW house. So I was a frantic mess for 4 hours. I called his boss. He went looking for him. I went looking for him. I now realize that him being missing was a gift from God. It gave him 4 hours to worry, realize how much he loved me and to mourn the loss of our relationship. And how much the OW didn't mean anything. When he was admitted to the hospital, they just gave him a fake name. So that is why we couldn't find him. For some reason, numbers the hospital would call wouldn't work. They even tried his work and were told that no one by his bosses name worked there. So, a small miracle. Now a big miracle. The only thing physically wrong from the accident was a laceration on his head that was about an inch long. He was beat up and bruised. Even had the car logo bruised into his arm. His car was totaled. You could see the ground from the inside of the floor. But he was fine.
Now after he came home and was still off from work, I thought we were working though an EA. I made him call her and end it on speaker. She was very silent and curt. She then texted him saying did he tell me everything? I said what. And he admitted to kissing, going to movies and making out in cars.
I begged him to tell me the truth. He swore there was nothing else. He would never talk to her again. He went back to work and would still she her in a restaurant in their building. He said to keep her from telling me and she kept telling him that her husband was going to tell.
She wanted a divorce. She wasn't happy in her marriage.
I texted OW things like "Do you only date married men?" ETC. Her friend texted me one morning of our childrens dance recital that "WH had done everything with that girl". I confronted him and he just stared at me. That was a great recitial to go to. My marriage was over, I have all these kids.
Turns out, they had a 2 week affair. They went to lunch and hit it off. Then a movie. She held on to his arm. He told her the next day that that wasn't right but it didn't mean he didn't like it. Then they started going to lunch everyday and make-out/grinding in cars sessions. Even one day, he had a big work project (apparently not as big as he let on. Since that was his excuse to see her) I said I can handle driving the kids everywhere so he could work late. He called her and met her instead. Then one day, he took our son to a football game, talking to her the whole time and after he came home he went in the basement to watch the game. He was talking to her and she kept begging him to come to her house. He refused so they had phone sex instead. The next night, he lied and said he had to go into work. He kissed me goodbye to go have sex with someone else. He went to her house. She said she was only in it to make out and didn't want sex until she was divorced, but during the make out session, he went down on her. After she was done, she said that wasn't fair for him and they had full sex. All the while, her husband was at work and her kids were asleep in the other room.
A few days later is when he went to the fake movie and I found him out. Since then, I think he has been honest. At this point, I have to trust that and there is not much trust in this relationship. He has done nothing but been there for me and tried to work it out. He is fully open. He contacts me. He doesn't go or do anything without telling me. He is helping around the house more. He is by my side constantly. We are trying to make it work. The sad thing is that she wasn't even pretty or funny or nice. He says the only thing that attracted him to her was that she paid attention to him. In the beginning of finding everything out. I asked about her and if she was pretty or what did she look like and he just said, "she has a big nose".
I was in texting communication with her husband for a while. She was loud and obnoxious as work and I told him some of the things WH had told me. When he confronted her about it, she was mad. Then her husband said he would quit texting me if she would not let some dude around his kids. So that ended that. I did text her back a forth a little bit, and she isn't even a nice person. That is what is frustrating. She was mad that people at work were asking her what she did to make WH so mad at her. The first time she tried to talk to him after full disclosure, he said loudly he would only talk to her if it was work related. If he was even going to be in the same hall way, he would turn and go the other way. He wouldn't even look at her. I guess that ticked her off.
Well, that's my story.
