Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: 49ergirl (44698)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Does anyone feel like a fool for Ring?
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious if anyone else sometimes feel like a fool??

We're in R and have a lot more good days than bad. I'm learning to forgive from my heart because the love and light in my children's eyes puts me in a good place.

But, on my down dark days, I feel like a fool! Wondering if I'll ever have someone tell me what a fool I was...

What are your experiences or thoughts on the matter?


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Kierst13
♀ Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm contemplating R and I feel like a fool. I can't even be sure it's over.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI Kiwewar. Looks like you just got here...Sorry you're here with us, but nonetheless, welcome sweetie.

If there's love between you two, that's DEFEINETLY a good thing.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I felt like a fool on dday and every dday filled with TT there after. I still wonder if I'm an idiot for continuing to stay. But I love him and he needs help. He's finally getting it. So, we'll see.


ME - BS 49, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 470 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chef, you sound like me! :) Your WS is lucky they have you!!


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
pewpewpew
♀ Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I question this all the time.
It seems that D would be so much easier.
YOU are never a fool - no matter what you decide. You didn't put yourself in this situation.
If any, you should feel strong for even contemplating R.
It's not made for p******.
I love my WH. I may be a fool if he proves me wrong. But at least I can always hold my head high and say I gave it all I got.
You will have bad days. More bad then good. But with time, it does get easier. Hang in there!


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes every day. But I know I would feel like a bigger fool if I walked away without giving R my all.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2560 | Registered: Aug 2012
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I'm not alone on this. Just wanted to make sure everyone else realizes how effing hard this is...Even a dude (Chico).


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every.Single.Day, especially over the fact that I stayed after so many DDays.

One thing that is for sure, I won't feel like a fool the next time (if there is ever to be one) this happens to me.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 6:33 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes, absolutely.

Especially when talking to friends or family that haven't personally dealt with infidelity.


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we all probably do, at one time or another.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg...YES!
I know this is stupid but something as small as putting us as 'married' or even in a relationship on Facebook...I can't do it. It's embarrassing. After our first separation, it took me a long time to admit that we were trying to R. I didn't have a wedding ring..nothing. By the time my new custom wedding band arrived, he had already moved into a new EA unbeknownst to me. Right after posting us as 'married' on Facebook, he was gone into the fog. This was all after 3 years of false R. I didn't know it was false of course. Now, I'm completely embarrassed. The OW took great relish in telling me how weak and ridiculous I was and how she'd done me a favor and now I could move on. I've been made fun of for being mentally ill. I've got a huge history and through it all, I was never embarrassed but after the big, long, false R...I sure am now.
I don't know how to move past it. He is doing everything a truly remorseful spouse should do. He's in counseling, I'm in counseling, we are in counseling. But here I am. So shamed I cannot hold my head up sometimes.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
traditoperanni
♀ Member
Member # 32660
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told my FWH once that if you look in the dictionary under SUCKER a picture of me would be next to the definition. So, yes sometimes I feel like a fool.
I have such a fear that even though we are in R and going to MC and he is doing everything he needs to do that it will happen again. And then I will definitely have been a stupid fool. But , as they say "fool my once.." I will be done.


Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

Posts: 428 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes yes yes!!! I put it to WH like this: when I think, it's divorce, but when I feel, it's reconcile. So I don't feel like a fool, rather I think I'm a fool.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 633 | Registered: May 2013
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tripletrouble- brilliant


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2560 | Registered: Aug 2012
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes often, but not as much anymore.

As my W shows me her remorse and works hard on earning my trust and being safe for me it gets easier. Also her appreciating that this was a gift and not a right. I also see my children thrive which helps some too.

I keep telling myself that it takes a really strong person to put their individual feelings aside and attempt to reconcile with someone who has proven "risky."

Society, media and friends who have never had to walk in our shoes don't understand and therefore their "opinion" is irrelevant due to ignorance on the topic.

Giving another chance isn't being foolish. It is generous. It selfless. It shows that we understand the world goes beyond simply good or bad. Extending grace in the darkest of times has always been humanities greatest redeeming characteristic. We are part of continuing in that proud tradition.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2554 | Registered: May 2010
keeponkeepingon
♀ Member
Member # 32935
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes me too.

We are heading on to a year of working to R. I just came out of IC where I discussed this same thing.


"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: On the corner of Grey St at the end of the world
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes...there have been times that I talk to myself and say "why the hell are you still with someone who hurt you so badly". He has done everything right and R is going well but you know it is just how we are wired...always thought I would never stay after any betrayal. I totally love everything numb&dumb said...all so very true!!!


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 28, 25, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 308 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto,

I was a fool. I let him tell me over and over how pathatic and irationional I was when I thought something was going on and somedays I even believed it, that I was accusing two inocent people.

Now, I wonder if I am a fool for believing him when he says its over, that they are not even friends anymore.

I don't trust my own instincts anymore. Oh well, par for the course.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO. Never.

We had a deep love, a long history of getting through terrible things, a strong bond & he was the model WS.

When you decide to R you are all in or not at all, you can't dip a toe in and call it R. It's the full plunge for both of you.

Your R won't be successful if you aren't all in and are hesitant.

If you are getting TT and a non remorseful spouse you aren't in R anyways.

Keep in mind the first few months of R are very tender and scary times. Very scary. You need to believe in yourself & believe you are strong and can do anything, whether you R or D., you need to have faith and confidence in yourself to face the tough times R throws your way.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.