SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I got a new tattoo the other day. It's a musical thing, with a treble clef and a few eighth notes. I think it looks pretty cool. Here's a text conversation I had with my brother:

Me: Just got a new tattoo.

Bro: What is it?

Me: It says, "My wife is a whore."

Bro: Um. Really?

Me: No, that's just what I've been writing in public bathrooms, along with her cell number.

While I thought the whole thing was pretty funny, I realized that he almost believed me about the "whore" tattoo, and that's probably because I've been pretty bitter.

In early days, bitterness probably helps us to do what needs to be done, but after three months, it's probably time to move on from that.

I love my apartment in the city; I love my music nights; I love my alone time with my kids; I love having more time to spend with my friends. I'm going to make an effort to keep all that love in mind, and not dwell on the love I lost.

... Or at least that's my intention. Now I just need to get to sleep!

but after three months, it's probably time to move on from that.

That's not very long at all. I carried my bitterness for at least two years.

I woke up one morning and realized the bitterness didn't hurt FT at all only my own happiness.

Yes our love was shredded by our XS but it's on us what we do with our futures.

Being angry and bitter doesn't sound like a happy life to me. Work through the bitterness and take as long as you need to be over it and put it on your back shelf where it belongs. I have found everything I didn't resolve after dday has come back to haunt me now 5 yrs after dday ! I'm now dealing with my issues that I should have dealt with 3 yrs ago.

Hugs and sleep well.

Gma

I'm now dealing with my issues that I should have dealt with 3 yrs ago.

Amen to this!!! There are definitely things I overlooked in my healing b/c I was so focused on moving on. Don't get sucked to far into the bitterness. You are finding positives so focus mainly on those but don't be worried to much about feeling some anger and bitterness. Those are tools also. They can help us when we feel the loss of the M and the pain from the A.

I actually thought your response was hilarious! I had fantasies of writing nasty things on XWH's van (yes he got the family mini-van in the D - I got the new Toyota Carola, along with the payments).

You gotta let that sh*t out or it will come back to bite you.

Nice that you have those positives to hold on to, but letting go of the anger and bitterness is a process.

Sending strength and peace.

NL

Haha, I dont really say it but sometimes I chuckle at some one liners I make up in my mind at work. Helps make my day go faster too.

I hear you completely. I'm only 4 months out since DDay and recently I'm starting to think that I'm beginning to get into the acceptance part of grief. I have no desire to be with my xWS or miss him emotionally or physically. Though I hope I've dealt with all the anger as I don't want it coming back and bite me in the bum!

Good luck and sending strength. :)

I still tell people that my M ended because I didn't like EX's girlfriend. I don't think it's bitterness for me to talk that way. It actually opens up a dialog with people and and allows us to address the elephant in the room without them feeling like they have to walk on eggshells with me.

The people who are truly bitter don't worry about being bitter. They are oblivious to it.

You will be ok. It's normal to feel angry and disgusted. In time, it will lessen.

I think your tattoo story is hilarious.

The people who are truly bitter don't worry about being bitter. They are oblivious to it.

Thanks hurtinky. That makes me feel better. Despite my depression and unhappy marriage, I've always considered myself a positive person.

I would hate to turn into a bitter arsehole (like what I was married to).

Love it!!

I have some killer line that crack me and everyone up.

The sad clown's surname contains a word that means denial. He has lost so much weight he has a Vagina Neck ala Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers films. OWUmpteens initials are Lying. Cheating. C-word.

Laughter really has been the best medicine.

It's normal to feel angry and disgusted. In time, it will lessen.

I too was worried I end up bitter and twisted. I hated that people were worried about me. I've learned to embrace my vulnerability. It has actually been a really lovely development and is something I'm grateful for.

Don't be so hard on yourself - don't deny the anger/rage when it comes. The trick is to not become consumed by it.

Feeling it is OK and healthy. Being consumed by it is not.

Making a joke tells me you're not being consumed.

Over two years from Dday and a year being divorced....still bitter. LOL

Guess that's why they say 2-5 years to get over it. Ugh

Three months is nothing. I am almost 22 months out and I am still angry and a little bitter. But no where like I was 1 year ago. Be paient with yourself. Work through the pain and anger. Journal, Post on SI, get IC. This healing thing is not something that can be rushed,it really takes time.

Much hugs to you (((pass)))

Hell, I'm 10 years post Dday.. and I still have my moments. Granted they are getting further and further apart... but they happen.

When people ask me I tell them we had a difference of religious opinion, he thought he was God, I disagreed.

Concentrating on the good stuff helps.

Hugs,

K

You can feel however you want for perceived residual bitterness. They're just feelings. They don't make you a bitter person or bad person.

You sound like you have a lot of things you're enjoying right now. That's positive, so keep going.

I think the fact that you can use humor to cope with your feelings is really healthy. And your story is hilarious!