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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: A letter to my BS
Sam793
♂ Member
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't change how you feel. You tell me that you were my second choice. Though I treated you as such, you weren't. I can't change that feeling. You told me that I must have stopped loving you and only loved her. I never stopped loving you. I only loved the way she made me feel but as for loving her it just wasn't there. You said that she was such a low life and it makes you feel the same. Why would I want to be with someone better than you? Honestly that would be hard to find. This isn't me just trying to back pedal. You think what I did was because of you. You know that I have had many issues that go back many years. Years before I met you. You want to think its because of you but it isn't. It's because of me not doing anything about it. I have read posts you've asked me to. I will never truly understand how you feel. Please though don't blame yourself. You have done nothing wrong. I don't expect your hurt to disappear. I know you're going to trigger. I know I will be the trigger most of the time. I know what we had is dead. I would like this opportunity to plant a new seed where the old plant was. I will water it every day. I will tend to it. I want it to flourish. It will always be a new plant in the old spot. I hope that one day the new plant will become so beautiful that it will cover the memories of the old spot but not take them away. They will never go away. I know this sounds cheesy but I have difficulty with all of this and I too am dead inside. I see why you feel the way you do. I love you very very much. That will not go away.


Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
AdamsApple
New Member
Member # 39262
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is excellent. Thanks for posting.

Posts: 36 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
gfrich
♂ New Member
Member # 37948
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what we had is dead. I would like this opportunity to plant a new seed where the old plant was. I will water it every day. I will tend to it. I want it to flourish. It will always be a new plant in the old spot. I hope that one day the new plant will become so beautiful that it will cover the memories of the old spot but not take them away. They will never go away

So very true and well said. BS and I have been talking about this for the last few days and we too are planting a new seed and with lots of love and hard work we too hope to see this new plant flourish!!

[This message edited by gfrich at 3:11 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]


WH (me) 46
BS 46
Together 29 years, married 25 years
2 daughters 24 & 18
D- Day 18/8/12
6 month EA that lead to 4 month PA in 2004

Posts: 32 | Registered: Dec 2012
Neithan
♂ Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those of us who thought we were nurturing the old plant together and were surprised to harvest such bitter fruit may need a very good reason to risk raising seed of that stock again.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the feel of this Sam. Good work.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 800 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sam. I wished all WS's who really want R would write a letter to their BS such as this one. It is things like this that show a BS you are really committed to fixing your marriage. It sounds like you "get it" for the most part. Keep up the good work on yourself and your issues.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
kabee
♀ New Member
Member # 37816
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm having a rough weekend. He is supposed to sign the final judgement next week. I hope you mean it Sam because actions speak louder than words. Nuturing a new relationship on her terms and at her pace is so important. Good luck!


BW 49
WS 50
Married 21 yrs.
2 yr LTA
Many other indiscretions
D-Day #1 9/14/12 D-Day #2 10/9/12
Gaslighting the whole time until final contact on 12/24/12
Tried R
Now trying D

"The grass is only greener where you water it."


Posts: 25 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: kabee
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sam, your words are beautiful; give and then ACT.

SHOW she's all these words and more. Good luck, it's a hard road ahead, but you can do this together.



Posts: 14362 | Registered: Jun 2008
Sam793
♂ Member
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the comments. I am giving my BS a reason to raise this seed again. A whole new form of life. I wish I was the person I am now even though I know I'm not even close to being perfect. I'm going to show her the love and support she needs.


Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
Nogoingback
♀ Member
Member # 38712
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sam, that's really lovely. Your compassion and understanding are really shining through, as well as your patience. Good luck to you both


BS 33
WS 31
together 10 years
DD 4/8/2011
EA/PA with co-worker while I was pregnant
Trying to reconcile

"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron


Posts: 66 | Registered: Mar 2013
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sam, that is really nice. My H wrote me a letter too and it outlined all of the reasons why he was sorry - past, present and future (triggers). I read it from time to time. It is beautiful.

I also want to mention...when he was getting sad about his efforts going un-noticed in the beginning, my FIL asked him to imagine a bucket. He said, "LA's bucket is empty and you need to fill it. Every time you do a kind thing for her, show remorse, express gratitude, demonstrate how much you want R, consider that one drop in the bucket. Over time, the drops will add up. Just quietly fill the bucket. Expect nothing at the start. This will take time."

So, like your seed which will grow if tended too, the bucket will fill up bit by bit.

Best wishes,
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2303 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 11

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