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I can't change how you feel. You tell me that you were my second choice. Though I treated you as such, you weren't. I can't change that feeling. You told me that I must have stopped loving you and only loved her. I never stopped loving you. I only loved the way she made me feel but as for loving her it just wasn't there. You said that she was such a low life and it makes you feel the same. Why would I want to be with someone better than you? Honestly that would be hard to find. This isn't me just trying to back pedal. You think what I did was because of you. You know that I have had many issues that go back many years. Years before I met you. You want to think its because of you but it isn't. It's because of me not doing anything about it. I have read posts you've asked me to. I will never truly understand how you feel. Please though don't blame yourself. You have done nothing wrong. I don't expect your hurt to disappear. I know you're going to trigger. I know I will be the trigger most of the time. I know what we had is dead. I would like this opportunity to plant a new seed where the old plant was. I will water it every day. I will tend to it. I want it to flourish. It will always be a new plant in the old spot. I hope that one day the new plant will become so beautiful that it will cover the memories of the old spot but not take them away. They will never go away. I know this sounds cheesy but I have difficulty with all of this and I too am dead inside. I see why you feel the way you do. I love you very very much. That will not go away.

This is excellent. Thanks for posting.

I know what we had is dead. I would like this opportunity to plant a new seed where the old plant was. I will water it every day. I will tend to it. I want it to flourish. It will always be a new plant in the old spot. I hope that one day the new plant will become so beautiful that it will cover the memories of the old spot but not take them away. They will never go away

So very true and well said. BS and I have been talking about this for the last few days and we too are planting a new seed and with lots of love and hard work we too hope to see this new plant flourish!!

[This message edited by gfrich at 3:11 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

Those of us who thought we were nurturing the old plant together and were surprised to harvest such bitter fruit may need a very good reason to risk raising seed of that stock again.

I like the feel of this Sam. Good work.

Thanks Sam. I wished all WS's who really want R would write a letter to their BS such as this one. It is things like this that show a BS you are really committed to fixing your marriage. It sounds like you "get it" for the most part. Keep up the good work on yourself and your issues.

I'm having a rough weekend. He is supposed to sign the final judgement next week. I hope you mean it Sam because actions speak louder than words. Nuturing a new relationship on her terms and at her pace is so important. Good luck!

Sam, your words are beautiful; give and then ACT.

SHOW she's all these words and more. Good luck, it's a hard road ahead, but you can do this together.

Thank you all for the comments. I am giving my BS a reason to raise this seed again. A whole new form of life. I wish I was the person I am now even though I know I'm not even close to being perfect. I'm going to show her the love and support she needs.

Sam, that's really lovely. Your compassion and understanding are really shining through, as well as your patience. Good luck to you both

Sam, that is really nice. My H wrote me a letter too and it outlined all of the reasons why he was sorry - past, present and future (triggers). I read it from time to time. It is beautiful.

I also want to mention...when he was getting sad about his efforts going un-noticed in the beginning, my FIL asked him to imagine a bucket. He said, "LA's bucket is empty and you need to fill it. Every time you do a kind thing for her, show remorse, express gratitude, demonstrate how much you want R, consider that one drop in the bucket. Over time, the drops will add up. Just quietly fill the bucket. Expect nothing at the start. This will take time."

So, like your seed which will grow if tended too, the bucket will fill up bit by bit.

Best wishes,

LA